Not that the title to this has any bearing whatsoever, but I just felt like sharing an honest truth in my opening. I not only like the color blue, I adore the color blue. I bleed blue, but that's because I was a good southern girl raised in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky where the ONLY basketball team worth mentioning is the University of Kentucky Wildcats. GO BIG BLUE!! Sometimes, it's a shame that I find myself temporarily stuck in Texas who has the fixation with the ugliest color of orange I have ever seen. Not that I don't like orange, I do. My high school colors were blue and orange and they were awesome! Somehow I find myself digressing from whatever it was that I was going to talk about.
So moving on now.
Welcome to the sudden left turns that I take in my thought process. God bless my husband, because he has to live with me on a daily basis and he still loves me. Even when I am in mid sentence and then pop off with some random thought that instantly entered my head. A good visualization is you are driving straight down a road and then the passenger suddenly screams, "TURN LEFT NOW". That is how my brain works. However; it does work. Broken and scattered as it may be...it will surprise each of you that I turned down an invitation to join Mensa, because yes, my IQ is that high. No college degree. No idea what I want to be when I grow up. However; I am smart. I hope that if I rub against my kids enough or give them enough hugs, that some of my excess brain cells will somehow flake off and soak into their head. It works, ya know, in theory.
I met with my primary doctor today so he could see where I was at in my detox process. He is happy with the progress, but still concerned about a few lingering issues, especially the shakes and the insane need to move...lots! However; when I take the medicine as instructed, it helps calm me. I will currently stay on the same dosage and call him at least 3 days before I need a refill and he will make sure it gets taken care of. I will follow up with him again in two weeks and we will go from there. I did tell him about the rule about going to my meetings without being under the influence of any type of mind altering drugs, and let's be honest, the medicine he has me on is definitely mind altering. My doctor assured me that since it was a prescription medication, while he was truly impressed that I am going to nightly meetings and following their rules, but he was also certain that because it was prescribed for my withdrawal issues there should be no issue. Just to make sure, after our meeting tonight, I spoke with the moderator and explained to him that when our meetings start is when I am due to take my last dose of the day, but the rule was no mind altering substances. He reassured me that as long as it was a prescription medication, with my name on it, with the dosage amount and who the doctor was...there was NO issue with taking it either before or even during the meeting and IF I brought the medication with me, to please allow one of the moderators to lock it in the safe and after everyone had cleared out, they would remove it from the safe and return it to me. So that is one road block that I have been able to clear.
I still haven't found a sponsor. What I have decided is that I am going to put it in God's hands. I am going to allow him to lead someone to me. He knows what I need most right now, definitely more so than I. So my prayers at night and in the morning are still very simple. Thank you for giving me another day on this earth. Thank you for taking away the craving. Help me get through today. Your will, not mine, be done.
Simple. Yet so hard to take those steps. And make it public, so that you all can call me on my crap.
Good night all. May God, or the Higher Power as you understand them, bless and keep you.
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