Epiphany

Step Two simply states that we recognize a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. I have had no issue stating that I recognize my higher power is God, but I truly struggled with letting go of the control and accepting that He could restore me to sanity. It was put into such a simple, black and white, statement tonight that it truly made me stop and realize that I was the one standing in the way. It was said that there either IS or there IS NOT a power greater than you that can restore you to sanity. It's black and white. There is NO grey area. 

My God CAN restore me to sanity. I need simply to ask. So starting tomorrow morning with my prayers to start my day, I will include my request, and then step back and allow His will to be done with my life. It's amazing once you realize that you are the one blocking your progress! How silly do I feel. Nah, not really. I'm surrounded by people who have sometimes taken years to work all twelve steps. I'd like to think that I won't take that long, because I only have a few more months left stateside to have my sponsor at my fingertips and at my meetings. After that, I'm either going to have to make my own AA meetings overseas or Skype in with some online meetings. I'll have to figure out the time difference and if the meetings are happening at 3 in the morning my time, there is no way I can make that happen. 

Today was all in all a great day. I did go to the gym, which I discussed earlier. I even made it on time to Yoga tonight and had a great session there. I can't wait until the new schedule starts on the 10th of this month because they have added a couple more instructors, some new classes and times and a class specifically for those of us who are "curvy". However; I find that the more I go, the more limber I am becoming, the more in tune with my body I am becoming and honestly, I am learning how to recenter myself when I get anxious or feel overwhelmed. I can take some deep breaths, do a couple different poses and just feel better. I'm still debating on trying Zumba. Maybe in a couple weeks or even next month. 

Right now, I really want to try to make amends with my daughter, who has felt neglected...and when I am honest...she was neglected. Because I was a drunk. My issues spilled over onto my family and they are the ones that suffered from it the most, because the rest of the time, I just didn't care. It's nice to "feel" again. It's nice to smile again. It's even nicer to laugh again. 

I love my family...all of them. I will get to the point where amends will be made. I'm just not at that step yet. For now, I am just going to enjoy my daughter, my husband, our dogs, my AA family and the rest of the time we have left in Texas.

Have a great night all. Hug and love your family tonight. 

Namaste.