Twenty two days...today. Twenty two days SOBER! It sure has heck has not been a cake walk, that is for sure. My dreams are getting even more strange than normal. I dreamed that I was having hallucinations the other night...dude, when you DREAM you are having hallucinations...that's some seriously messed up stuff. However; the further out I get, it still doesn't get "easier", it just gets a tiny bit more manageable is all.
At this point, I am attributing the major support I am getting from nightly AA meetings, my husband, my Yoga instructors and the gym workouts as a big part of my sobriety. If I stay too busy to think about taking a drink...well then, just stay busy...or sleep. I've slept a LOT the last couple of days. I sleep all night long and then wind up taking about a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day. I still sweat, I still shake, I still stutter from time to time, but seriously...I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not quite sure if it's a train coming through and about to smack me down, but I know that whatever is there...I will meet it head on.
Oh, I finally accepted that God can truly restore me to sanity. Do you know what this means? It means I have completed Step Two! Next up is Step Three, but I am going to talk to my sponsor about this one. I have the book next to me and I could probably grab it and tell you what that step is, but to be honest, I just want to enjoy completing the second step!
Pat cooked dinner again this evening. Not because I asked him too, but because I was sound asleep on the couch and he didn't want to wake me. He also apparently took Britney out for some small driving lessons. He's a good man and I'm glad he's the one doing it and not me, because right now...it's too much for me to process. Plus, I'd be looking for a brake pedal on my side of the car...lol. Then tonight, after dinner, Brit decided that she was going to bake some cupcakes. Like any person doing something for the first time, she had some hiccups, but all in all, they turned out okay. You know...once you can actually pry the paper off the cupcakes and you don't break a tooth on the first bite. But you know what? She did it ON HER OWN and it makes me proud! If she got confused about something, she asked for help, which makes me even more proud.
I'm trying more and more to focus on the good things going on in my life. I won't apologize for spending a lot of time talking about my sobriety efforts or the effects it is/has on my body. If you don't want to read about it, then you don't have to. All I know is that right now, this very moment...I am 8 days from hitting 30 days! That is a major accomplishment for me. I am not a quitter, and I don't consider being sober as "quitting"...I see it as a life change. I am a survivor and will forever recover from this disease.
I hope you all can take some moral inventory, as hard as it may be, and tackle some of the things that you don't like about yourself. Honesty is the hardest pill to swallow. Especially when it comes from your own mind.
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