The act of killing oneself intentionally. - Noun
September is Suicide Prevention Month and there are a lot of discussions and topics being thrown around lately. How to talk to someone you love about it. The warning signs. What you should and should not do.
These are all great things and they have well meaning intentions behind them. I want to speak about being on the opposite side; the side where you WANT to die. I want to talk about it from that perspective because I know that side. Unfortunately, I know the other side as well.
I cannot begin to count the number of people that I have personally known and cared for that took their lives. I also cannot tell you what was going on in their heads that made them think that the situation would not (eventually) work out. I CAN tell you what it's like to be stuck in a situation that you truly cannot see past. I, for one, am not ashamed to talk about these things. My thinking is that if I talk about my experiences then maybe it will help someone out there. I may be incorrect, but I would bet that I'm not.
I know this is a hard topic. I'm having trouble thinking how to word my thoughts and the things I want to say. This particular topic hit home a few years ago for my husband. I still remember a friend asking me to tell him what had happened with the hope that maybe, just MAYBE, the blow would be a little softer if it came from me. It wasn't. I assure you of that. There is no easy way to tell someone you love, that someone they love, has taken their life. There is a lot of anger that comes from the person you have to tell and a lot of concern coming from the person who told them. To this day, I watch my husband struggle with the anger they have. Anger over the situation, anger with the person who did it and then anger just because they don't know who to be angry at or with.
Being the person that has been there, I can say definitively, that it isn't just one thing going on. No, there are multiple situations happening and you get so overwhelmed, that you cannot tell up from down. It feels like you are drowning. You cannot see a way out of the situation and you don't trust anyone enough to tell them EVERYTHING happening. This is where I think our friend was. They wouldn't tell one person everything going on so they could see the big picture. You simply tell one friend about one situation. Another friend gets the other situation. Yet another friend gets another issue. You make sure that the friends you tell these things to do not know each other and therefore; no one gets a clear picture of where you are in life at that moment. You don't even utter the word "suicide" to anyone...ever. You reach a point where the inevitable happens, at least for them. Maybe you leave a note, maybe you don't. Maybe you make one last phone call saying that you love whoever, maybe you don't. There are a LOT of maybe's and what if's.
This is where people struggle. They question every last thing. Every word said, every conversation, every breath they took while talking to whomever. Questions left over are never answered. Assumptions are made and then unmade. It's a vicious cycle.
Professionals will tell you that there are warning signs. Things may be said or done that is out of character for the person. Yeah, well...let me tell you this...those things are not always true. If you think something is "off" with your friend, talk to them. If you have a gut feeling, go with it! I'm not a professional by any means. I'm just someone who has been on both sides of the token.
In a nutshell, BE A FRIEND.
Talk to them.
Visit them.
Make TIME for them.
Don't blow off their problems as minor or petty.
Pay attention to their words and their actions.
Have they stopped taking care of themselves? TALK TO THEM.
Have they talked about how they can't see past an issue? TALK TO THEM.
Are they reaching out more than usual? TALK TO THEM.
Tell them how much they mean to you/family.
Tell them what a friend they are to you.
Above all...
Mean everything you say and TALK TO THEM.
You may stop something from happening that you didn't realize was going through their head.
You also may not stop it either.
Talk to your friends and loved ones. Keep this topic open and let everyone you love know that they CAN always talk to you, without judgement and you will help in whatever way you can.
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