There have been a few times when I have been given the
opportunity to apply some of the things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. When
to listen, when to speak, how to overcome the thoughts in my head, and how to
proceed in making amends. I’ve heard it often referred to as “keeping your side
of the street clear.” This is where I am at today.
About 6 months ago we had a very personal issue arise in our
family and it rocked everything I thought I knew. At the time, I had spoken to
a friend about what was going on, because I trusted them. A few weeks later, I
ran into a couple different people from AA at the grocery store, and both of
them asked about the situation and said that “everyone from the rooms” knew and
were thinking and praying for us.
Normally, I would have been grateful for the words. However; because
of the delicacy of the situation, I was not grateful…I was enraged. I
questioned as to how they heard about this and was given the person’s name. I
quit talking to not only that person, but every single person I knew from AA. I
was livid beyond words because the only thought I had was, “so much for
anonymity!”
How dare this person betray my confidence with such a personal
matter? Then I was angry at myself for trusting someone else and, once again,
having to pull a knife out of my back. I tried searching my soul and coming up
with a plan on how to forgive them and move on, but I just couldn’t do it. Not
this time.
Now, in an effort to clear my conscience, I talked to this
person in a very public place and asked them why they said what they did. What
I was met with was a very emphatic response of they never said anything other
than there were some issues going on and to keep us in their thoughts. And now
I am stuck.
I don’t believe for one moment they didn’t say these things. I
also need to clear my head before the anger eats me alive. How do I get amends
to happen when the other person swears they didn’t do anything wrong? How do I
get over the hurdle in my head so that I can move on? More importantly, how do
I keep finding the people in this world that do nothing but misrepresent
everything about themselves?
I’ve been told to look inside of myself and I will find the
answers. What I come up with are even more questions than I had before! I don’t
misrepresent myself. I don’t claim to be anything other than me. I have a hard
enough time remembering everyone’s names, much less to have time to lie to
others and then have to remember what I told and to who. I don’t need more
complications in life.
I need a few complications to clear up.
I don’t want to carry around the anger any longer. I also
struggle with forgiving this person for the wrong they committed. If it was
simply me that they wronged, I’d just move on, but this wasn’t about me…this
one involved my flesh and blood. I’ve maimed over less things. Do I give them
the opportunity to talk? I’m not going to believe anything that is said. Do I
simply convince myself that it’s better to forgive and not forget? That is a
lot easier said than done, I assure you.
Life would be so much easier if people’s pants actually caught
on fire when they spoke a mistruth.
Now I have to figure out how to get over my own thoughts. And
refrain from writing, “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” on their vehicle.
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