Way to go GOP...I'm going to stand over here and wave a great big F*** You!

And here we are again, less than 48 hours before a government shutdown, and the Republican party has sent a bill back to the House knowing that they are going to reject it and send it back. Sure, sure, they put in a clause that is to ensure that the military continues getting paid even if the government shuts down, but they put in there another clause wanting to push back the health care reform bill another year. I personally want to choke every single GOP member until they turn blue in the face. Why? Because I am turning blue in the face with the ridiculousness of the demands BOTH parties are making.

Get over it. Whether you like it or not, the health care reform law is going to go into place. Yes, it’s the biggest piece of garbage to date and yes, it’s going to tax our health care system in an unprecedented way. Whine, bitch, and moan. We all do! Great job on the filibuster Mr. Whatever your name was! Did it get you what you wanted? No. Was it a complete waste of time? Yes. Do you feel better? I’m sure you do. Because the way I see this, it was a complete and utter waste of 21 hours where, maybe possibly, someone could be the bigger person and put aside their own personal agenda and maybe…ummm…I don’t know…STOP THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN FROM HAPPENING.

I’m sick. I don’t feel well. And the closer midnight of 1 October gets here the more sick to my stomach I get. Why? Because as of tomorrow morning, that is the last guaranteed paycheck my family will receive.

I want to know who is going to pay our utilities? What about the other bills? How many deals with the devil am I going to have to strike to ensure that we CAN pay our bills and that my husband isn’t pulled in and talked to about his lack of paying for anything? Oh, yes…military members do indeed get talked to about paying their bills on time…EVEN when it is a government ordered shut down.

My personal thoughts about the Tea Party? A certain event in Massachusetts comes to mind. I however; think that instead of throwing crates of tea, we should instead throw the members themselves in a crate and well…if you know your history then you’ll know what I think we should do with said crates.

I’m just so very, very tired of it being the military members pay that gets pulled into question and threatened.

This once great nation is so far down the proverbial rabbit hole at this point that there is no coming back. Raise the debt ceiling. Go ahead with the health care reform. Everything is already bankrupted. What’s a few more things at this point? Hell, right now…it’s going to be my family and thousands of others going bankrupt.

What’s next? Do I care? Do I even want to know?

No, I don’t.  

Budget Uncertainty Hurting Morale

Budget Uncertainty Hurting Morale…this is what I read this morning from a news post on 12 September 2013, and I’m really sorry I didn’t see this sooner. Not that I expected any less from news sources since it was buried under other news posts that ranged from Dumb things civilians say to soldiers to VA must do more to attract women vets. I’m not saying that the VA shouldn’t do what this report says, but since when does things civilians say to soldiers rank higher in the news scale than something Congress is NOT doing (passing a budget) that is hurting the morale of our troops?

In case you didn’t know, troops’ morale is something that really needs to be focused on. When morale is low, just like with every other company that has employees, work productivity suffers. In this instance, we could essentially say that our troops’ (soldiers) are slacking off and just don’t care. In the light of the concern of their pay being suspended why should they care?

Every year, for at least the last 3 years, our elected officials have repeatedly threatened or black mailed other Congressmen/Congresswomen with the phrase “We won’t pay our military.” I still struggle with the fact that they continually and repeatedly use our military as a way to further their own agenda and push through funding to pork belly projects that are unnecessary. Why do we still allow these people to have a seat in Congress when they are failing the very people who protect them, will rush into battle without a second thought or any hesitation, and willingly place themselves between any threat to their family and friends?

This lack of a budget is not only affecting all active duty soldiers pay, but all pay to the National Guard units that are activated, retirees pay, death benefit payments, health care, contracted civilians, DoD employees and civilians that work in the PX/NEX and commissaries. What this means is that the families that live in base housing won’t necessarily have to worry about being evicted from their residences, but any work orders put in will more likely be severely delayed because the civilians hired to do maintenance won’t be working. For those that lose a family member that is in service, their death benefits won’t be paid and the family will be hit even harder because they won’t have the means to bury their loved ones and will have to worry even more about how their family is going to survive financially. The death benefit payment, while something that is every families worst nightmare, it provides a cushion financially until they can get to a better place emotionally and can figure things out. Health care may be limited at base hospitals and military treatment facilities to only active duty soldiers or true emergencies for family members. The PX/NEX, the military exchange stores that can be compared to Wal-Mart, and the commissaries may have severely reduced hours or closed completely due to lack of people that will be able to work since the majority, if not all, of the employees are civilians. The only commissaries that would remain open would be the ones located overseas. Dining halls would remain open for soldiers because it’s considered absolutely necessary to feed the soldiers.

Here is my question for someone that is a lot smarter than I. I understand it is necessary to feed our soldiers. Why is NOT necessary to feed their families? Can someone explain this to me? Military families, while not serving directly on the front line in a war that has lasted for 12 years, we serve in so many other ways when our significant others are overseas. Why are the needs of the families affected by this potential government shut down not a consideration? We send our husbands and wives overseas and go anywhere from 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, or 24 months without seeing them with the exception of a two week leave, which is torturous, and we only ask for the simplest of things. We ask to be able to take care of our family in the midst of a difficult situation that so many of us know only too well.

I wish that we could take all the backstabbing, conniving politics out of budget talks just once so that it gets stripped down to what are the most basic, necessary needs of every American. I know that my household operates on a budget and I have stripped that down to our most basic needs so that I make sure we have what is needed most. I make sure we have water, electricity, gas service, and food because those are the basic necessities. How about our Congress doing the same thing and making sure that America can keep the lights on and can keep the very people doing their dirty work both at home and overseas, they can be taken care of. If they want to take away some of the benefits that military families receive, that’s fine with the majority of us, as long as it means our significant others are safe and sound, and they receive the pay that is due them. 

US Government threatens to NOT PAY our military

It’s been years since I have actively watched or read the news. I have purposely made myself ignorant in all things political. Today though I cannot bite my tongue. Today has made me so angry with our current government that I long for the days when there were truly people in office who actually cared about the people! Today I am going to just air all my anger about the injustice and exactly HOW it will affect hundreds of thousands of people.

See, today I read in the Army Times (http://www.armytimes.com/article/20130923/NEWS05/309230018/No-mid-Oct-paycheck-troops-government-shuts-down-lawmaker-says) about how our current government officials have screwed up spending to the point that paychecks for our military are no longer guaranteed. In fact, I quote this, “All military personnel will continue to serve and accrue pay, but will not actually be paid until appropriations are available,” Rep. C.W. “Bill” Young, R-Fla., chairman of the House defense appropriations subcommittee, warns that the troops’ morale and readiness will suffer even though the Defense Department does not shut down when its funding stops.

Hmmm…troops’ morale and readiness will suffer. Yes, yes it will. Why will it suffer? Because THEIR FAMILIES will not be able to PAY THEIR BILLS or BUY FOOD to FEED THEIR CHILDREN. I cannot begin to tell you the sheer number of military families that the spouse does not work. Not because they don’t want to work, okay…well some don’t actually want to work, but they’re the rare ones, but because they move around so much that their length of unemployment is so great that most companies won’t even take a second look at their application. Some turn to home based businesses like Mary Kay or Scentsy, etc., but that income is not something that they can regularly depend on. So the threat of not paying our spouses is a very real nightmare in the making.

This isn’t the first time this threat has been made about suspending pay to our military. I’m sure it won’t be the last either. Historically, in our relatively recent past, they have suspended the military’s pay and there were a couple months where no paychecks were given. I know that desperate times called for desperate measures. My own husband SOLD PLASMA so he could buy groceries. How sad is that?! The bigger question I pose is what measures am I going to have to resort to? I received a job offer today and should start work before the end of the week. So, my paychecks will start coming in right as our government suspends my husbands pay. Let me tell you, I make PENNIES compared to him. Seriously, his pay is 4 times greater than what I can make, even if I pick up a second job, I still won’t be able to keep our heads above water. At this point, I may have to get a work permit for my 14 year old and put her to work as well!

I will admit that I voted for the Commander in Chief in 2008. I did not vote in 2012. I didn’t think we had anyone qualified enough to do our country justice. Today has proven my point. Our government spends billions in other countries supplying their military and their country with needed supplies and training in an effort to “harbor good will” amongst their government. How do I know this? Okay, that I can’t actually tell you, but I will say that my eyes have been opened very wide over the last 11 months. The budget given to certain people are astronomical. Money may not actually ever change hands in these other countries, but I can definitively say that we supply A LOT to areas that don’t even know how to properly USE the things we supply even AFTER training! Do you have any idea just how much money our government spends on bringing foreign military personnel to our country to train? Trust me, you really have NO idea the amount of money that WE spend to do this. Don’t get me started on the sheer number of things our current military provides to other countries, think ships, planes, weapons, etc.

When did our ELECTED OFFICIALS decide to completely RAILROAD the very people they have DEFENDING THEM?! Oh, that’s right! The very moment they realized that these were the hundreds of thousands of soldiers THAT HAVE TO SHOW UP TO WORK REGARDLESS EVEN WHEN THEY RECEIVE NO PAY!!! Wow, seriously? Cause Lord knows, if I have a job and my employer comes and says that I still need to show up and do my job, but they aren’t going to pay me, guess who ISN’T showing up to work? Oh, but no…our military is the one branch that is put on salary the moment they sign that dotted line and still have to show up and EFFECTIVELY do their jobs even without the possibility of being paid.

NO!

Enough is enough!! STOP THREATENING THE MILITARY WITH NO PAY!! STOP ENDANGERING THE LIVES AND THE LIVELIHOOD OF THE MILITARY FAMILY!! WE HAVE MEN AND WOMEN OVERSEAS FIGHTING AND YOU AREN’T GOING TO PAY THEM?! HOW ABOUT THE FAMILIES LIKE MINE WHO HAVE THEIR SPOUSE AND FATHER OVERSEAS FOR A YEAR, WITH ANOTHER YEAR TO GO, AND YOU WON’T EVEN ALLOW HIM TO COME HOME UNLESS IT’S OUT OF OUR OWN POCKET?!

FUCK YOU!! EVERY LAST SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!

I am sick and tired of being threatened by the very people elected to run our country. The ONLY thing I see being done is they are running our country INTO THE GROUND!!

WHY DON’T THE ELECTED OFFICIALS STOP THEIR OWN PAYCHECKS AND WORRY HOW THEY ARE GOING TO PAY THEIR BILLS AND FEED THEIR FAMILIES! Even better than that…

I say that the elected officials learn how to pay all their bills, feed their families and still have money to do something fun with their families ON THE PAY GIVEN TO OUR SOLDIERS! Then and only then will I even start to listen to a single complaint that they have. 

Just having a happy morning

It is such a gorgeous day! The sun is shining, the sky is a beautiful baby blue color, there are big, fluffy white clouds, and there is a cool breeze blowing. This kind of day is almost rare in Texas. Most days it’s so hot outside that you really can’t enjoy the view. So, I am ecstatic that it is so nice outside. Nice enough that I turned off the air conditioner and went through and opened up windows in every room.

Opening up the windows though, has shown me that I really need to clean the windows and the window sills. Opening up the curtains showed all the dust covering everything as well. I have a pretty good feeling that I’ll be cleaning the house today instead of being outside with the dogs and enjoying the weather. Maybe, if I make a wish, a fairy godmother will show up and bibbity, bobbity, boo my house clean! What? I can wish, can’t I?

I keep glancing over and looking out the windows at the clouds. If the ground wasn’t wet, I swear that I would lie in the grass and just watch the clouds move across the sky. I can see what kind of shapes I see in the clouds and then watch those shapes morph into something else or into nothing as it becomes wisps in the breeze. I remember doing that as a little girl. Imagining things in the clouds and daydreaming about being anywhere else than where I was. It was one of the few times I can remember being happy and that makes it a good memory for me.

I’m smiling as I type this today. For today, I am happy. I don’t feel anxious or overwhelmed. I am just smiling. For no reason other than the weather is nice. Kind of sad that a weather pattern can make me smile, but it does. The only thing that could make this perfect is if my husband was here. He’d help me get the house cleaned so we could go outside and enjoy being outside. Maybe, if I got off the computer and stopped writing then I could get everything done and go out and just enjoy it.

Yeah…I am going to get the house cleaned and then do what I want to do since there is nothing that I have to do. I’m going to go outside, play with my dogs, and stare at the sky! You should do that too.

Losing faith in humanity

My faith in humanity is dwindling ever so slowly each and every day. I am not one to judge because I prefer to live by the words, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” – Matthew 7-1. Instead I focus on trying to just be quick with a smile and to be kind. Yes, I fail and that simply makes me human. However; I never stop trying.

I went to the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few items we needed. I found a parking space and walked inside. As I was walking to get a cart, there was a woman coming to get one as well, so I gave her the one I had and got another for myself. Not that she said thank you, but it was just a cart, so whatever. That should have been my first clue that I was not going to have a pleasant experience inside the store.

I proceed inside the store and make my way to the grocery aisles that contain the items I am there for. I managed to get through the dairy aisle without incident which is surprising because there always seem to be a lot of people there. I even get through the snack aisle unscathed. And then things start to fall apart.

I’m in the bread aisle and there is a woman with a younger child and then an older woman. As I wait for the mother to move down the aisle some so that I can get to the bread that we eat, I watch her child walk up to the older woman and hit her. I thought my jaw was going to hit the floor. The older woman turns to the mother and says to her, “Excuse me Miss but your child just hit me.” The response I heard was this, “Well, if YOU hadn’t been in their way, they wouldn’t have hit you.” I did a slow blink because I was almost sure that I didn’t hear that correctly. No, I did. I heard it exactly as she said it because she repeated it when the woman said, “I’m sorry? What did you say?” Episode 1 has ended because I left the aisle.

Next, I realize I forgot something so I have to back track a few aisles. Now, there has been an elderly woman in an electric cart that I have seen a few times. I watched her turn up the breakfast food aisle and as I am passing by I hear boxes hit the floor. Stopping to see if the woman was trying to reach something and couldn’t reach it or if something fell on her, what I saw made me go wide eyed. Another child with lack of supervision has placed their arm beside some box and then walked down the aisle knocking down no less than 30 boxes of cereal. They apparently found the one they were looking for, because they proceed to sit down in the floor, rip open the box, take out the bag containing the cereal, stand up and they stomp it to death. This is now the 2^nd episode I have witnessed so I decide to hurry up and get the rest of my items.

Walking rather hurriedly towards the produce section I see this beautiful little girl. I mean, just beautiful. She’s maybe 5 or 6, blonde haired, with brown eyes and she has Down Syndrome. She’s absolutely precious. I don’t know what it was that caught her attention, but in an effort to get the attention of the woman she was with, she walks over to her and tugs on her shirt. I don’t know if this person is her mother, but I so hope not. This woman yells at this child saying, “DON’T TUG ON MY SHIRT! YOU’LL RUIN IT!” Not to be ignored, this little girl then taps her on her leg a couple times, all while just pointing at whatever she wanted this woman to look at. Then I hear this, “DON’T TOUCH ME! I HATE WHEN YOU TOUCH ME! GOD, YOU ARE SO SO STUPID! UGH.”

I had to leave at that point. I was about to say something that child didn’t need to hear. Not that an employee didn’t hear it because I quickly see a manager walking in her direction with a scowl on their face. I’d like to think they said something to this woman or called someone with some authority to help the little girl. No child deserves that. I know I’ve made mistakes with my kids. We all do, but this little girl did absolutely nothing wrong.

The other children needed their hides tanned! And I think all the adults who brought those children into this world need a swift kick in the butt. Raising children who know their limits, right from wrong, and who have manners are the most basic lessons we can pass along. Today I was given a glimpse into the type of world we’ll be living in, in just a few short years. I am not happy.

Today, I lost even more faith in humanity. There are less and less people in the world that care. I am trying to hold onto hope that not all is lost. However; I’m also a realist, and today showed me so much that I truly never wanted to see.

Living in the land of all or none

Texas is truly the land of all or none. Especially in regards to the weather. Yesterday, we had a 20% chance of rain and I believe that percentage rained all of itself where I live. There was a 40% chance of rain today and it has been raining since sometime this morning. We are now under a Flood Advisory until this afternoon and a Flash Flood Watch until tomorrow morning.

Really? It’s been hot as blazes all summer long with very little, if any, rain. Now, the flood gates open wide and just dump themselves in our yards and roadways. Having lived here for a few years now I have learned that drivers here are so unused to having wet roads that the accidents rise drastically on days when it rains like this. I rarely venture out of my house because of the great love I have for my vehicle and if someone was to hit me, it would make me angry.

I have said many, many times that should it ever snow here that if we run out of food, we’ll just go hungry for a little bit. These people can’t drive when it rains so I don’t even want to think about what would happen if it snowed! Now, I grew up in Kentucky, and I was born in the month of December, so it goes without saying that I learned how to drive in the snow. My husband and my brother also grew up driving in snow, so WE would do just fine. It’s the other drivers that would scare the bejeezus out of me. Then, if we were to be in an accident, it would make me angry. I really love my car.

Having said all this is what brings me to my first sentence of Texas being all or none. You either get all the heat or all the rain and on the days when it rains and then stops, the heat is still there. Now is when humidity comes into play. It’s almost like trying to breathe soup on those days! I can deal with the heat. We’ve lived here long enough that it no longer bothers me. I can deal with rain. I’m not sugar, so I won’t melt should I go outside. I don’t like the humidity. It wreaks havoc with my naturally curly hair! On those high humidity days, I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket. It isn’t a flattering look for anyone. Trust me.

It looks as if there is a slight lull in the rain right now. This means I might be able to get the dogs to go outside and use the bathroom. I highly doubt they’ll go though. My dogs are spoiled and we all know this. Heck, even they know it! If it’s raining or, when we lived in colder climates, snowing they don’t particularly care to go outside. Heaven forbid if they get their little paws wet. And we have three Siberian Husky dogs! Now, if it’s snowing where we live, then my boys are MORE than happy to go outside because they run and romp and build themselves a snow fort. Yes, my dogs build their own fort. It’s what Sibe’s do. That is their kind of optimal weather. In some ways, I miss snow. In most ways though I absolutely do not miss it. I don’t mind being cold, that’s why I have as many Hoodies as I do. And snow is pretty when it first falls and blankets everything. It’s when it starts to melt and get grey, dirty and gross that I don’t like it. I especially don’t like when it refreezes and turns to ice. Ice and I just don’t like each other in general. I like not having broken appendages.

I doubt I’ll ever see snow where we live in Central Texas. Rain occasionally, but probably not snow. And I am okay with that. Now, it’s time for me to clean up the house a bit and go to the grocery and get a few items that we need. If all goes well I will see no accidents on my way to the store. I might even stop and get a burger on the way back home. 

What a day it's been

Today has been a pretty good day. The woman with an employer I’ve been talking to called me this afternoon for my phone interview. We had a decent conversation and she said she was going to elevate me to the next step, which is to interview with two managers, and my interview is set up for next Friday. Because of the type of job this is it means that I have to show up in a suit. Now, that would be just fine if I was still a size 12 because I have a ton of suits in that size. However; I’m about 40 pounds heavier so none of them fit me currently. Which means I needed to buy one. I hate shopping.

I went to JCPenney because they’ve got a pretty decent sale going on right now. I, eventually, found a pair of pants, shirt, and jacket. I hate shopping. I don’t know how many different outfits I tried on. One thing would fit and the rest of it wouldn’t. The one downside to having lost a significant amount of weight is that there is a lot of skin that just sags. So what would look decent on someone else wound up looking like poo on me. I hate shopping. The shirt I bought is a bright fuschia color. Might not be the best choice, but by golly, I want a nice pop of color and I’ll wear that shirt with something else even if the interview doesn’t go as well as I hope it does. I still hate shopping. Oh, but I did get a cute pair of shoes…cause a suit needs shoes…and they’re SHOES. I love shoes. I hate shopping though. Shoes…yeah, shoes are good. Shopping for shoes isn’t shopping…it’s a way of life…lol

I did get a nice little surprise today though. The UPS man brought me a package that I had to sign for. Not knowing who sent me something, I came in and opened it up like a kid at Christmas. When I opened the box I stood there and looked at it in complete and utter shock. It was the jewelry that I sent to my friend for her wedding that I cannot attend. I sent it out a week ago and it was supposed to arrive to my friend today. The girl who handled my transaction had a brain fart or something because she entered it as if my friend had sent it to ME instead of me sending it to HER. Once I got to talk to the manager and she figured out what happened, she apologized profusely. Needless to say, I resent it today and they covered all shipping costs. I just shook my head. Who does this happen to? Me. Only me.

I still hate shopping.

Schools/Stepparents/Deployed Spouses...this one is a rant.

I’m starting to see a trend with some of my friends. Their children are having so many problems at school, not because they are getting in trouble or acting out in class, but the administration are causing issues in regards to things that have never been a problem before.

Here’s the example:

Spouse, and the biological father of the children, is currently deployed. Stepmother is dealing with everything by herself, which is the norm when the other half is deployed. Oldest stepson is pulled out of class today and interrogated by the school social worker who wants to know WHY his father did not fill out the paperwork for the school and WHERE is he physically. Now, this child knows that he is not to ever say where his father is when he is deployed…he knows that is a no-no, just as we all know that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. He states that his father is deployed and that he cannot tell her WHERE he is. Apparently, this was unacceptable.

This social worker then calls mom and leaves a message for her to return her call when she gets the message. Mom does and is told that the social worker is out of the office and they’ll have her call when she returns. Fine. So far, this is acceptable. Now, when she does call back, she proceeds to berate the mom saying that she cannot speak to her, she will NOT acknowledge the power of attorney she has in her spouse’s absence, she insists on speaking to one of the BIOLOGICAL parents (yes, she repeatedly emphasized that particular word), AND she does not care that she is the stepmom, she is not the BIOLOGICAL parent and she needs to make sure that the children are being “properly cared for” in the absence of their father. Oh, and then stated that she needed a copy of his orders for deployment “to keep on file.”

I’m sorry…WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

It would not have been a good thing if someone said something of this nature to me. Not good at all. I may very well have hung the telephone up and driven to the school to find this woman and have a nice chat with her. Beginning with shoving my power of attorney papers up her rear end and informing her that if she DID NOT recognize that LEGAL DOCUMENT that I was about to become a bigger problem for her and she wouldn’t need to worry about if the children were being “properly cared for”, she’d need to be more concerned with keeping her job. And as for requesting a copy of his orders for her file? HELL NO. Schools do NOT get copies of orders. Ever. If she deals with a number of military families, as she says she does, then she knows better than to even ASK for them. As long as the children show up for school, are clean, well fed, homework is done, and they are causing no issues, then there should not be any question as to whether they are being cared for. As for the mountain of papers that she wanted to know why their father didn’t fill them out? He NEVER fills them out…ever. Every year, the mom fills out the paperwork and sends it back to school when they are due. Just like EVERY OTHER MOM! Don’t get me started on the “just a stepmom” or “not a biological parent” comment. Just…don’t.

I know that there are all kinds of people in this world and it’s those differences that make the world go round. I also know that there are some administrations that are lacking in their ability to care and then there are the overzealous administrations that run things like a Nazi camp. I’m going to put this woman in the “overzealous” category. Is she doing her job? I’m sure she is. I’m also sure that this is a family that does not need any added pressure right now. Mom is dealing with her first deployment, has no help because family isn’t near to them (as is common with military families), and is undergoing treatment for cancer. So, no…this family needs nothing else added to their proverbial plate.

I guess I’m just having an issue with why this particular woman is pursuing this. What is in it for her? What is she going to get out of this? And who the hell does she think she is talking to a parent like that? I don’t care if it IS a stepparent, they are still a parent to those children. A mother to kids, who has her own children, and the ONLY mother these kids know because theirs walked out the door and never once looked back and has no contact with them in any way, shape, or form. What is the driving motivation that would make you pull a child from class, interrogate them, and then proceed to make a total ass of yourself? Is this some kind of power trip? Are you new?

Are you an idiot?

The answer to that is yes. Yes, she is.

Oh, dear Lord, it’s times like these that make me remember two things.

1.    The Serenity Prayer

2.    I’m SO glad we home school now!

Now, I’m off here for a little bit. It’s dinner time and I need to play with my puppies!

Shhh...I'm hunting...job hunting.

I’m struggling today with my apparent lack of employability skills. It seems a little impossible to turn housewife and mother into marketable skills since I have no current employer that can verify said skills. I remember when sometimes all you had to do was walk in, talk to the owner or manager, and walk out with a job. Not so much these days. Each business wants only the “best” candidates for the job and they have adopted the mindset that reading a piece of paper about a person is how they will find the “best” person for the job.

Here’s a clue for a few. How about you, oh I don’t know, actually talk TO the person instead of having them reduce their entire skill set to a few paragraphs on a sheet of paper. I find that I can learn more about a person in five minutes actually talking to them than I will ever learn about them by looking at their resume. Some have gone to really good schools and they had really good grades. That’s excellent for their academic career, but how about their people skills? Do they look you in the eye when you are talking to them? Are they fidgety? Does it look like the person really wants to be THERE or are they just looking for ANY kind of job that will pay them?

I’d much rather work with someone who actually knows about my business and seems genuinely interested in being there, instead of someone just looking for a paycheck. Maybe I’m wrong in my thinking. But, maybe I’m not. I understand that there are truly people who just need a job. I have a friend right now who has been looking for a couple of years now. They’re an excellent person with solid morals and some excellent skills. Yet there isn’t a company yet that will hire them. I’m kind of in the same boat in that I need a job. I have only been looking for a couple of weeks and I’ve been invited to a couple of interviews, but I’m fighting against people who are younger than I, with more education than I, but they don’t have a clue as to how to interact with people face to face. Do I hope I get the job? Of course! Am I realistic in what I am up against? Yes. And the outlook is rather bleak.

I long for the days when just being you, standing face to face with the hiring person, was enough to get you the job. I know we’ll never get back to those days, but one can dream.

So, for those of you in hiring positions, how about breaking from what you think you know and base your decision upon more than a sheet of paper with words on it. For those of you in the job market, I wish you the sincerest wishes in finding gainful employment. Now, time to get back to my job hunting and send out more of those pieces of paper for someone to read and decide if my skills might be something they’d be interested in hearing more about.

Violence, or the threat of, in our schools. A child's right to feel safe!

I’m trying to figure out when exactly we stopped protecting our students in a school setting. When did one students rights supersede another? When did we, as parents, decide that it’s perfectly acceptable to not challenge the status quo with school boards? What exactly is it going to take to get someone to sit up and take notice that it is not acceptable to put things in writing as far as steps taken in behavior correction?

I ask this because a friend of mine is dealing with an issue that has become all too common in our schools. Violence, or the threat of violence, has become so commonplace that until the unthinkable happens, nobody questions the status quo. Her son and several of his classmates were told by another student that they planned on bringing a gun to school and shooting them and some of the teachers because they were mad at them. Her son, when asked about his day at school, told her what was said. She reacted like any parent and contacted his teacher to inform her of what was said and to question if she had noticed anything odd in class.

What she learned is that on the particular day in question the regular teacher was out because of illness and they had a substitute. The teacher said she would question the sub and find out what, if anything, had happened at school that day. My friend then was told that the school administration had been made aware of the situation and she would be contacted. Okay, that’s all well and good, or so she thought until she got the phone call from the school principal.

The call started off with, “Your son is not in any trouble.” Well, that’s good to know since he had done nothing wrong. The principal went on to say that they had talked to the student and that they had taken some course of action. What my friend asked was this, “Can you tell me what your course of action is when another student makes a threat such as this?” And what she was told was that they cannot discuss what, if any, type of punishment was given to a child that isn’t hers. Now, being the good parent that she is, she clarified that she was NOT asking about that child, but that she wanted to know what measures the school had in place to protect other students and what steps they have in place to deal with things like this. She was referred to the school board.

The school board informed her that they have NO written instructions as to what actions are taken IF something like this was threatened.

What?!

They gave her this little gem of information, “You can look up Onslow County, Section B, Policy 4302, and that is the same information we have for all of our schools and it spells out how we deal with situations such as these.” Let me share this with you all so you can see why we’re as upset with this as we are.

http://images.pcmac.org/Uploads/OnslowCounty/OnslowCounty/Departments/DocumentsSubCategories/Documents/4302%20Final.pdf

In case you don’t want to click on the link, here it is…Section B of Policy 4302 states:

2. Serious Violations

Serious violations of the Student Code of Conduct may result in any of the

consequences that may be imposed for minor violations. In addition, serious

violations that threaten to substantially disrupt the educational environment may

result in long-term suspension, and serious violations that threaten the safety of

students, school employees or school visitors may result in long-term suspension or

expulsion. Certain violations involving firearms or explosive devices may result in a

365-day suspension.

That’s it ladies and gentleman…this is ALL they have in writing for “serious violations” and nothing else.

Just as a reference point, here is a copy of how the local school district has theirs set up:

http://www.roundrockisd.org/UserFiles/Servers/Server_32715/File/Students;Parents/Part_II_Code_of_Conduct.pdf

Techniques

The following discipline management techniques may be used—alone or in combination—for behavior prohibited by the Student Code of Conduct or by campus or classroom rules:

1. Verbal correction, oral or written.

2. Cooling-off time or “time-out.”

3. Seating changes within the classroom.

4. Temporary confiscation of items that disrupt the educational process.

5. Rewards or demerits.

6. Behavioral contracts.

7. Counseling by teachers, counselors, or administrative personnel.

8. Parent-teacher conferences.

9. Grade reductions for cheating, plagiarism, and as otherwise permitted by policy.

10. Detention.

11. Sending the student to the office or other assigned area, or to in-school suspension.

12. Assignment of school duties such as cleaning or picking up litter.

13. Withdrawal of privileges, such as participation in extracurricular activities, eligibility for seeking and holding honorary offices, or membership in school-sponsored clubs and organizations.

14. Penalties identified in individual student organizations’ extracurricular standards of behavior.

15. Withdrawal or restriction of bus privileges.

16. School-assessed and school-administered probation.

17. Out-of-school suspension, as specified in the Suspension section of this Code.

18. Placement in a DAEP.

19. Placement and/or expulsion in an alternative educational setting.

20. Expulsion, as specified in the Expulsion section of this Code.

21. Referral to an outside agency or legal authority for criminal prosecution in addition to disciplinary measures imposed by the District.

22. Other strategies and consequences as determined by school officials.

Her school district has SIX pages to spell out their code of conduct. The local school district has TWENTY NINE (29) pages to JUST their code of conduct. The infractions to draw one or more of the actions listed were THREE pages in length.

I’m at a loss. A child threatens to bring a gun to school and shoot people because they don’t like them and there is nothing in writing that informs parents as to how these types of situations are handled. And when this student brings a gun to school and shoots people, WHAT are they going to say to the parents? Sorry…we didn’t have a plan in place…our bad.

UNACCEPTABLE!!

Question your school board! If you want to see a change made…GO MAKE IT! You have a voice…USE IT!

Oh, and in case you all were wondering, this lovely child that made these threats were simply told to “Be a good boy and don’t say things like this.” Um…excuse me?

Sure, he just learned that he needs to keep his thoughts to himself, that way when he DOES bring the gun to school, nobody will have any forewarning of it. 

Forgive and forget? Or...

There have been a few times when I have been given the opportunity to apply some of the things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. When to listen, when to speak, how to overcome the thoughts in my head, and how to proceed in making amends. I’ve heard it often referred to as “keeping your side of the street clear.” This is where I am at today.

About 6 months ago we had a very personal issue arise in our family and it rocked everything I thought I knew. At the time, I had spoken to a friend about what was going on, because I trusted them. A few weeks later, I ran into a couple different people from AA at the grocery store, and both of them asked about the situation and said that “everyone from the rooms” knew and were thinking and praying for us.

Normally, I would have been grateful for the words. However; because of the delicacy of the situation, I was not grateful…I was enraged. I questioned as to how they heard about this and was given the person’s name. I quit talking to not only that person, but every single person I knew from AA. I was livid beyond words because the only thought I had was, “so much for anonymity!”

How dare this person betray my confidence with such a personal matter? Then I was angry at myself for trusting someone else and, once again, having to pull a knife out of my back. I tried searching my soul and coming up with a plan on how to forgive them and move on, but I just couldn’t do it. Not this time.

Now, in an effort to clear my conscience, I talked to this person in a very public place and asked them why they said what they did. What I was met with was a very emphatic response of they never said anything other than there were some issues going on and to keep us in their thoughts. And now I am stuck.

I don’t believe for one moment they didn’t say these things. I also need to clear my head before the anger eats me alive. How do I get amends to happen when the other person swears they didn’t do anything wrong? How do I get over the hurdle in my head so that I can move on? More importantly, how do I keep finding the people in this world that do nothing but misrepresent everything about themselves?

I’ve been told to look inside of myself and I will find the answers. What I come up with are even more questions than I had before! I don’t misrepresent myself. I don’t claim to be anything other than me. I have a hard enough time remembering everyone’s names, much less to have time to lie to others and then have to remember what I told and to who. I don’t need more complications in life.

I need a few complications to clear up.

I don’t want to carry around the anger any longer. I also struggle with forgiving this person for the wrong they committed. If it was simply me that they wronged, I’d just move on, but this wasn’t about me…this one involved my flesh and blood. I’ve maimed over less things. Do I give them the opportunity to talk? I’m not going to believe anything that is said. Do I simply convince myself that it’s better to forgive and not forget? That is a lot easier said than done, I assure you.

Life would be so much easier if people’s pants actually caught on fire when they spoke a mistruth.

Now I have to figure out how to get over my own thoughts. And refrain from writing, “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” on their vehicle. 

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by the difficulty of falling asleep or the inability to stay asleep. Going by only that it is obvious that I have this particular "disorder". It also helps that I've had some sleep studies done and they confirmed that while I do not have sleep apnea their observations reconfirmed to my doctors that I am an insomniac. 

25 years...that's how long I have dealt with insomnia. One third of my life I have been unable to either fall asleep or, if I do, I do not stay asleep. I toss and turn, have strange dreams, or I simply lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I've even been known to count patterns found in the ceiling plaster in an effort to bore myself enough to fall asleep. It didn't work. 

I cannot tell you the many different medications that we have tried in an effort to just get me to sleep. I've seriously lost count. What I haven't lost is the ability to stay awake. It's absolutely mind numbing when you go days on end with very little, if any, rest. You get jumpy, paranoid, grumpy, and finally...exhausted. 

The exhaustion is what bothers me most. I can deal with irritability and I think I do okay when I have to interact with people. However; after a while, it just wears you down. You begin to look rather haggard. I've even been asked if someone has punched me in the eye because the circles were so dark. I feel the muscles quivering just beneath the skin almost all the time now. It's similar to what having low blood glucose levels feels like. 

Cognitive ability is diminished and you turn into a stuttering oaf. The normal day to day decisions turn into major issues and you just want to slam your head into a wall hard enough to knock yourself out. Driving is no longer a feasible option because you know that if you needed to react quickly, you will be unable to, and bad things could happen. 

My biggest issue is just getting my brain to shut down. I will think over a decision I made and run through every possible outcome over and over...and over...again and again. Even when I come to the conclusion that there was no other way, it still runs through. I get these random thoughts and then off to the races my mind goes. What I noticed last night is that, while I think something in my head, only half of what I want to say actually gets said. It makes for some pretty funny conversations. 

It's rather disconcerting, as well, when you begin to lose weight from your inability to sleep. I can't eat a lot, so I drink everything from coffee to tea to water. No soda though. I'd bounce off the walls if I consumed a crap load of sugar on top of the loopiness from lack of sleep. I guess the extra water consumption is keeping me hydrated. At least I won't die from dehydration.

I came to the conclusion today that my depression and all the other issues going on are exacerbated by the insomnia. What once was something controlled quite nicely, is now a raging storm in the middle of an ocean, and it's about to make landfall. I, only hope, that I am at home when I flip stupid and not in public. I've scared grown men when I go into a rage. I also scare myself because what is being projected on the outside is only a small portion of what I feel inside. 

All caused by the lack of sleep. 

Which makes me wonder...was the alcoholism a trigger from the insomnia? 

No. No...I can't start thinking again. My head hurts enough already. 

Having to make the hard decisions

My life has been lived in a such a way that I am more than capable of making decisions on my own, even when the decisions are major, and can have a lot of implications to others. This is the state of mind that I am in today. The "Executive Decision" mode. And it stinks.

There are a lot of people in the world today that have this idea that being a military family is this life of luxury and travel and excellent pay. To these people, I say this, "Bwahahahahaha!!!"
No, our lives are not ones of luxury. Yes, we travel, because the government says we have to move to wherever and start over, again...and again...and...again. As for excellent pay...not hardly. I watch my husband work exhaustingly long hours and even when he's not at work, he's still at work. Good pay is given to those in the armed forces who are high ranking officers with 20+ years of service under their belt. In fact, I know countless families who receive food stamps because their pay is at or below poverty level. That makes me very sad.

Having said all that...I want to say that we are extremely fortunate to not be on any type of federal assistance. All our basic needs are met as are most of our wants. However; we are also very, very lucky if we have some money left over at the end of the month. This is where the hard decisions come into play. Because of a type of account that we must have for my husband and because of the rules that come into play with said account, when there is a lot of government ordered travel that comes with his job, we sometimes get stuck holding the ball until all the completed paperwork is turned in. I despise this account. I despise having to occasionally "juggle" a lot of things so as to ensure this account is not suspended due to some lackey's inability to process something. 

Days like today make me long for a time when we won't be told that we MUST have a certain account. I cannot wait for the day that the powers that be are in control of our lives in every aspect from personal to financial matters. I tend to have a problem with authority figures and i know this. For the most part, I do very well with all that comes with this life we live right now. For the most part. 

The day that I have to make major financial decisions on my own because my husband cannot be reached to talk to has arrived. I don't like this. When things happen and decisions need to be made quickly then I am okay with that. My husband knows and trusts me well enough to be comfortable with whatever decision. The kind of decision I had to make today though was not one I was comfortable making. However; it HAD to be done. Some will understand it and some will not. That's okay. I'm just...completely overwhelmed by the entirety of this situation...and I sincerely hope that I made the best decision given the circumstances.

What drives me most insane is that even with my efforts today the effects are going to be felt for at least a few weeks because of a glitch in the paperwork. I've banged my head into proverbial walls for the majority of the day. I've made so many phone calls that I don't even remember how many different people I have talked to. And I still was not able to get the one outcome I needed to happen. Sure, it will be resolved no later than mid-week, but that's not the point. The point is that I am having to make up for someone else's mistake and I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. My belief is that if a mistake is made by a company then it is that companies responsibility to correct it as quickly and with little or NO consequences to the client. 

Apparently, my mistake, is believing that companies should do as such. 

So, I'd like to take the time to thank whomever made this egregious error. Thanks to whoever caused this insane amount of stress to be plopped onto my plate. Thank you for taking away from my family because you, whoever you are, are an idiot. 

If I drank...now would be the time when I'd have a nice frosty, cold one in my hand.   

A little perspective

I haven't been to sleep yet, so I apologize in advance if I jump around a little bit more than usual right now. It's been a long, never ending, Thursday for me. It's also been a lot of time for me to think about a few things and get proper perspective.

I received a message late last night saying that one of my best friends had suffered a stroke. This immediately put me into "WTF?!" mode. We're in our late 30's! We're too young for a stroke. Then it hit me...BAM! I'm not as young as I thought I was and, no, we are not too young for a stroke. Having been an EMT for a good number of years, it also hit home with me about what exactly this could mean for her future health. 

I find that when I start to get comfortable with my life something usually happens that brings me quickly back to reality. 
1. I am not getting any younger, unfortunately.
2. I really need to pay close attention to my own health.
3. I don't want to lose a sister of my heart.
4. I don't tell people that I care about I love them often enough.

It took me sitting, not knowing anything, before I realized all those things above. Now, as of this afternoon, the doctor determined that she had a TIA or Trans Ischemic Attack (aka - mini stroke) and not a full stroke. I'm going to be quite honest and say that I think they got her treated quickly enough that it was confined to a TIA and it didn't fully progress into a full on stroke attack. Her fiance reacted quickly enough calling 911 and the Paramedic was knowledgeable enough that they rushed her straight to the healthcare network hospital that is known far and wide for their skills in dealing with stroke patients. I owe my friends life to those three. 

What caused this episode? Raised LDL levels and....wait for it....S.T.R.E.S.S! I don't know how many times I have said to others, and to myself from time to time, that stress WILL kill you. We have to remember this as we age. It isn't kosher any longer to not see a doctor regularly and get a good base line for yourself and then follow through yearly to track how things are going. If you know you are running yourself in the ground, can you even begin to imagine what you are doing to things you can't see inside you? It always takes something bad happening before people get a true picture of their health.

My friend is getting married in two weeks. Finances are tough, people are grinding on her nerves over petty things, and she worries. A lot. At this point, I hope everything goes well for her the next two weeks and she can get through the marriage ceremony. I pray that people don't cause her anymore stress or concern, because I don't know that I'll be able to keep MY mouth shut. I'd even unblock this person to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with. However; I love my friend enough to bite my tongue until AFTER all is said and done before I completely unleashed. 

I'm a good friend that way...at least in my mind.

Now...to end this...I'm going to share some stroke warning signs and hope you all keep this information always in the back of your mind and then pass it along to someone else. Who knows, you may save the life of someone, who is loved as much as I love my friend.

Compliments of www.strokeassociation.org

F.A.S.T. is an easy way to remember the sudden signs of stroke. When you can spot the signs, you'll know that you need to call 9-1-1 for help right away. F.A.S.T. is:

Face Drooping – Does one side of the face droop or is it numb? Ask the person to smile. Is the person's smile uneven? Arm Weakness – Is one arm weak or numb? Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward? Speech Difficulty – Is speech slurred? Is the person unable to speak or hard to understand? Ask the person to repeat a simple sentence, like "The sky is blue." Is the sentence repeated correctly? Time to call 9-1-1 – If someone shows any of these symptoms, even if the symptoms go away, call 9-1-1 and get the person to the hospital immediately. Check the time so you'll know when the first symptoms appeared.

The dreaded "D" word

Depression: noun - severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

I discussed suicide a few days ago and today I am going to tackle depression.

I've seen a lot of things the last few days talking about different things, but this is the one topic that keeps showing up. I am taking this as a sign to open up and talk about this with you all. Again, I am not a professional, just a person who suffers from this.

This is not something that one can generally just "get over" or just decide to get happy. True depression has nothing to do with happiness. It has to do with our inability to be happy when everything else in our lives are going really well. If it was something as simple as just making ourselves happy then we'd gladly do so. 

I have battled depression for over 20 years now. I am now defined as being clinically depressed. My brain does not make enough of some chemical so I take medication to help replace some of it. Even on medication though, I battle most days to just get out of bed. It's a pretty good day if I shower or remember to brush my teeth. I don't even leave the house 95% of the time. I don't want to interact with people and I just prefer to be left alone.

I'm in the process of being evaluated for Bi-Polar disorder. Why? Because I was honest with my psychiatrist and told him about going from high to low quite suddenly and not really for any reason at all. I'm struggling with impulse control. I sometimes go days on end being angry and I have no idea why. I'm not angry with anyone or over anything, but I am just angry. I will suddenly start crying for absolutely no reason and then I get depressed because I'm crying and then I get angry because I'm depressed over crying. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. One that I don't even understand.

I'd love to be able to say that the reason I am depressed is because of whatever. I can't. The only downside to my life right now is just the fact that Pat is overseas. I've gotten so used to him being gone that I don't know how to act when he's home. Which is sad, in and of itself.

I welcome this opportunity to open myself up to you all. If you have any questions please feel free to talk to me. In fact, feel free to talk to anyone about this. If you think you may be suffering or battling depression, please talk to your health care provider. There is a wealth of information out there. You just have to be willing to admit you need help.

9/11 - 12 years later...

There will be a lot of posts where people talk about where they were and how they remember hearing or seeing everything from that morning in 2001. I'm not going to talk about where I was or what I was doing. I've talked about it previously. 

For those of you just joining my blog - a quick recap:
I was in college.
I dropped my children off at daycare.
I walked into my office and found it full of professors gaping at the TV.
I saw the towers fall.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to what I am going to say today. 

There have been moments in my life where I have truly been moved by the American spirit. There have also been moments in my life where I am almost ashamed to say I am American. The way I have witnessed my fellow American's harbor ill-will and contempt for people of a certain religion is extremely reminiscent of a 1930's German dictator and his "desire" to eradicate people of a certain religion as well. Have we not learned anything? A religion alone does not make a person good or bad. Yet, people still think that way.

I cannot and will not stand behind a statement that makes it seem as if one group is better than another. This picture floating around right now with the bikers about to descend upon DC to "confront" the Muslims is absolutely infuriating me. The moment the word confront is used, it makes it seem as if they are going with premeditated intent to harm. I sincerely hope not. Truly, I hope nothing comes of it. 

There is not a single day that goes by where I don't spend some portion of it reflecting upon the events of the day and even reliving moments in my life trying to glean some portion of enlightenment. Today I am reflecting upon my years spent in the fire service.

I spent 7 years of my life as a FF/EMT and my only regret is not spending more time with it. Alas, my children needed their momma and I needed to raise my daughters. I am still raising one of them. Nothing made me more proud than to watch my brothers run into those buildings. Then, nothing broke my heart more than watching 343 of my brothers die before my eyes. 

I have spent a good portion in the trenches of the fire service. Just like everyone else, I started from the bottom and worked my way up. I endured the same training as my brothers. I wore the same gear. I learned how to get my BA on and hooked up correctly (which you have to do while the tank is on your back hanging upside down) which is difficult to do in the best of conditions, much less when you are under pressure. I've hiked I don't know how many miles in brush gear with a flapper, a rake or a leaf blower fighting brush fires and a couple forest fires where we were accompanied by the forestry division. I've climbed on top of homes, cut ventilation openings and been on entry teams inside a burning building. Oh, I am certain that I have seen the Devil in person, dancing in those flames. 

I have smelled burnt flesh. I have seen dead bodies. I have scraped brain mater off of roadways. I have performed CPR. I have transported injured children and cried many times after every single one. I have lost patients...young and old...mothers, fathers, daughters, brothers, sisters, sons, grandparents and those who had no family. I have become jaded in so many areas of life. Yet, I still have hope. I have witnessed humanity in it's most base form and that is what gives me hope.

The day I watched 343 of my brothers die, I also got to see hope. Hope that there would be some survivors. Hope that the phone would ring. Hope that the American spirit would prevail. And it did. I watched the selflessness of thousands as they helped in whatever way they could. Going for days and weeks on end with little sleep, little food and carrying nothing but hope. 

I have hope. I hope that one day we won't judge people based on their clothing, their religious choice or their general appearance. I hope that we as a people can understand that our differences are what make us unique. I am not better than my neighbor and neither is someone in another country better than I. Just because someone speaks a different language does not make them a threat, no more than being a Baptist makes me one. 

I am sure that there will be those that read this and disagree with a few things. Good. Because the one thing I have learned and that I have taught my daughters is to stand up for what you believe. Hold strong in your conviction. If you get persecuted for your thoughts or words...GOOD...it means you believed in something enough to stand up for it...don't be a sheep and get eaten by the wolves of this world.