When will the blame game end? In just over 2 years, that's when.

Warning: Full on rant ahead.

I have a former husband. He was a douche. I don’t have any contact with him now, so I don’t know what he’s like now. However; in my head, he is and, always will be, a douche. Seriously though, I have no contact with him. He has absolutely nothing to do with either of our children and we are all more than okay with that.

My husband has a former wife. As much as I try to be a good Christian and be forgiving towards her, I fail miserably every time. I cannot judge her on her drug or alcohol use because I’m a recovered addict myself. So I don’t judge her on that. I really don’t. I try really hard to not get upset when she blames my husband for something that is out of his control when it comes to the child in question. I fail at that, too.

However; this latest and greatest technique is creeping so far under my skin that I want to burn like a Phoenix and rise from the ashes and drop a few hot embers down a throat. Rewind to approximately 4 years ago +/- when the discussion of braces came up. We got a copy of the Orthodontic report and suggested treatment and said, great plan move forward, but you’re to use the child support to pay the monthly payment amount. Apparently, that plan was not acceptable so the parent who has sole legal and physical custody of the child did not move forward with the recommended treatment.

Here we are now, 4 years later, rehashing this same topic. Only this time, my daughter’s name came out of this person’s mouth. Accusations that we treated one child differently than another. Ummm…I’m a little confused here. We don’t have custody of the other child so we did not treat one differently than another in this particular arena. That failure falls solely upon the shoulders of the parent with custody, not with the parent that you don’t even allow to talk to her regardless of how hard he tries. Had this child been in OUR custody, we wouldn’t be having this discussion because her needs would be more than met.

As for one of the recommended treatments that requires a surgical procedure, let’s get this clear, even if the braces had been done when we said to go ahead, she would still be facing this. The type of issue is not one where braces could have fixed or prevented the issue. This is a birth defect that has only gotten worse the older she has got and in no way is my husband the sole person responsible for this. It takes two to tango, as the old saying goes, so half of that birth defect came from the birth mothers genes. See how this works?

Me being the person that I am, when we received the original evaluation, I made a copy and kept it for our records. In comparison of the two it does not take a genius to see that certain medical needs are not being met. I see this as a solid case of neglect. Actually, I know for a fact that it is, because I was once threatened with it because of an issue with my oldest child. We had a 30 day lapse in insurance coverage and well…needless to say, neglect includes anything that poses a threat to the child, whether it’s physical, mental or medical.

I truly want nothing more than for the child in question to be healthy, happy and whole. However; just one report from a medical professional with a picture of the child tells me that all of those wants I have for her are not being met. You know that saying about a picture is worth a thousand words? This picture is screaming words, but none of them are nice, and that makes me angry on behalf of her and her father.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive this person for their wrong doings. Maybe I’ll never get to that point. Maybe one day I won’t invest the emotional energy into being angry over things like this, but I doubt it.

First and foremost, I am a mommy. My husband and I have 4 daughters between the both of us and regardless of how cold I have to be at times, I love them all and I would die without a second thought if it meant they could live. I am angry over the injustice, the blatant attempt to extort money from my husband by means of the child, the conditions that the child lives in and that the child does not come first. I make mistakes with my kids, but I learn from them and try to make better choices. I try to show them how to live in this world and how to be of service to others, that it isn’t all about just them and I teach them that life isn’t fair but you make the best of it. I make sure they are fed and they have healthy food choices and they have clothes that fit, that are their own. I don’t know when the last decision made didn’t involve me thinking about how it was going to affect my kids. In this upcoming move, it was a delicate balance between finding something with an acceptable commute for him AND was in a good school district AND was in a safe area AND has enough room for us and the other child AND allowed us to keep our dogs. That’s a lot of things to think about and right now it looks like I made a pretty good decision.

Now though, it’s time for other decisions. But, this isn’t my fight. I am simply here to support whatever decision is made and pray for the best outcome.