Today
I am quite exhausted from all the happenings from yesterday. Not only the
physical things we did around the house, but from allowing myself to become
angry over what I believe was an idiotic statement from someone attempting to
talk about something they know nothing about personally. I understand the point
they were attempting to make, but the moment a generalized statement was made
about a particular issue, in my head, I wanted to throat punch them. There are
a few other things that bother me as well. And since this is my blog, then I
can vent about whatever I want, in whatever fashion I so choose. So, here we
go.
If
you know nothing about addiction issues then keep your mouth shut. If you don’t
want to agree with how a person chooses to live their lives, that’s perfectly
fine, because you have that right. If you do not want to see others opinions
about their life works, then don’t read them. If you want to believe that
because this person suffered from chronic addiction it somehow negates
everything they did in the years when they were sober, you have that right to
do so. I have the right to think that you are judgmental bastard. I have the
right to defend the addict and their life works and you don’t have to agree
with me, but just because you lost a person in your life to addiction issues,
absolutely does not make it okay to think that every other person suffering
from addiction is a selfish prick. I assure you that we are not.
I
speak from knowledge. I am an addict, I will always be an addict and I will not
apologize for being that way. And I will ALWAYS defend an addict that lost
their battle, regardless of what they were doing that caused their death. I
have partaken in illegal, mind altering substances and I have moments where I
crave them to this day and it’s been close to 20 years since my last fix. I am
also an alcoholic who battles the tiny demon in the back of my head that lies
in wait patiently for that most opportune moment to jump up and say, “Let’s
have a drink!” I have abused prescription narcotics and became addicted to them
as well. I, also sat down and had a very candid discussion with my doctor about
the issues with alcohol and drug dependency.
I
am one of the so-called ‘lucky’ ones. I acknowledged my demons and I battle
them daily. I am a functioning adult who cares for my family and manages our
household and our finances. However; that’s today. A couple years ago, I was
still doing those things, I just made little tweaks to our budget to support my
habit. I lied about certain bills being taken care of just to make sure I had
what I needed. The bill did get paid, just not when I said it did and not for
the amount that I said. There were times when I just flat out lied to my spouse
just so I could get what I needed.
And
here in lies the hypocrisy of the statement made that I then allowed myself to
become angry. The lies, the deceit, the judgmental attitude toward others
regarding addiction when this person is an addict themselves. They may not
partake in drugs or alcohol, but when you obsess over something to the point
that you take away from your family to feed the selfishness, you so righteously
pointed out yesterday, you are an addict. When you lie to your spouse about
waiting to get a certain thing and then go ahead and purchase it anyway,
knowing full well that you have bills to be paid and that money is earmarked
for them, you are an addict. When you have food at home that can be fixed, yet
you insist on eating out and spending money set aside, again, for bills or
family matters, you are an addict. When you have a disease that is caused by
food choices and you consistently choose to eat enough food that would feed an
entire family and even eating so much that your spouse does not get any, you
are a glutton and an addict and you are killing yourself too…yet you were so
pious in judging another person in their death caused by their addiction.
Funny…I
see no difference. An addict, is an addict, is an addict. Period. It can be
drugs, alcohol, food, sex, games, toys, etc. Whatever the addiction is, when it
hurts your family and takes away from basic necessities just to feed the
addiction, then you are an addict…JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE ADDICTS.
Now,
I don’t give one rat’s ass whether or not you destroy yourself, in the manner
of YOUR choosing. What I care about are the people that I love that are being
swept up and discarded so that you can feed your addiction. Because, oh how it
is one! To have a hobby is one thing, to become fully obsessed with the hobby
that it does all the above, that is another story entirely. When people stop
coming around because they are tired of hearing the constant barrage of the
hobby, aka “addiction”, then there is a problem. When I become angry on behalf
of a person that I love because of the selfishness expressed daily, then there
is a problem. And this time, it isn’t MY problem.
I
would highly suggest that if you think because you do not have a problem
because you are not using drugs that you seek some outside help. At this point,
I know there are several who would love nothing more than to assist you in
removing your head from your ass and helping you realize that you are no longer
single and that you have a family to care for.
As
for anyone else who is either suffering from an addiction of some form, please
seek help. For those who live or love someone that is suffering from an
addiction, there are programs for you as well.
Now,
I’m going to step down off my soapbox and get ready to go to the gym and work
off some of my frustration.
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