This past week has been one
where I have been given the opportunity to use the patience and strength that I
have prayed for many times in my life. If it wasn’t for a wise friend of mine
that taught me how to change my prayers to avoid the difficulties I seemed to
always be facing, I would still be wondering why things seemed to be so hard. I’m
not saying that there are no difficulties in my life. I’m simply saying that I
listened and applied the advice I was given to stop praying for patience,
instead, pray for wisdom to understand.
Pray for wisdom in all things
is what I prayed for and the prayer has been answered. To understand that my
prayer was answered took me a while, but I did finally see that the
difficulties never stopped but how I approached and looked at the difficulties changed.
I became wise to the situations I found myself in and was able to figure out
that the same things I seemed to always be fighting against were created
because I hadn’t figured out how to not put myself in the position in the first
place. I still work on this today and I’ll probably be working on it until the
day I die. Lynn, thank you for guiding me in so many things that you probably
don’t realize what you’ve done for me.
Since we moved to Texas and
were assigned to our doctors I have had many opportunities to get to know my
physician personally. That isn’t to say that I see him in social settings, but
I know him personally through his profession. He is an amazing physician with
the most personable manner. He is soft spoken and is not afraid to say that he
doesn’t know the answer to something when he encounters an issue that he has
not dealt with. Usually, by the time we’re done, he has been able to add a new
problem to the list of things he has encountered and that he was able to find
an answer by doing some research and talking to other physicians. Trust me, him
and I have dealt with many, many things that he has never encountered…until
taking me on as a patient.
This past Wednesday, I made an
appointment to talk to him about some medications that I am currently on, the
side effects I have noticed and to just mention in passing about some pain I
have experienced. I also made an appointment for him to see my daughter and
discuss some issues she is having and to see if we could start a particular
course of treatment. Everything went well until I talked to him about the pain.
Not that the pain wasn’t something I could deal with, but the location
concerned him because it was in my right breast. Apparently, one should not
have pain in their breast unless there is a reason for it medically, i.e.
surgery, injury, etc. He said we needed to do a breast exam and I agreed albeit
grudgingly. The exam was unremarkable minus some fibrous tissue he could
palpate (feel) which is expected to occur as we age. At the completion of the
exam he said he would also send me for a screening mammogram just as a
precaution. Before I left the office the mammogram was scheduled for Friday and
away we went.
Friday morning comes and I
arrive at the hospital for the screening, get checked in and start reading the
book I brought with me. I know that since I am at the hospital, regardless of
the fact that I have an appointment time, things sometime happen that can cause
a delay. The technician comes to get me and take me to the diagnostic area
where I fill out the paperwork they require from me. I do as I’m instructed and
she begins taking the pictures she needs. After the pictures are done, she
checks the images and excuses herself from the room. When she returns I’m told
that the doctor viewing the images wants new images taken. We finish those and
she excuses herself from the room once more. This time when she returns she
says that we’re going to take two more pictures that will give the doctor a
closer shot to look at. She leaves one last time and this time when she comes
back I’m told that I’ll be going to ultrasound and that the doctor wants to
speak to me before leaving.
I was a little concerned, but
since I’ve not done this before, I just assumed that this was part of the
screening process. Take images and get an ultrasound for future references so
they have a base knowledge of what my normal is. I meet the ultrasound
technician who proceeds to say to me, “We’re going to get a closer look at the
spot the doctor saw on the mammography images.”
Hold on…back up a moment…this
isn’t a normal procedure then?! I had a minor freak out moment, but calmed
myself down by saying that they are only looking at this closer. It’s probably
nothing and yes, this is normal if they see something on the images. Then this
technician leaves the room to go speak with the doctor. Upon her return, the
lovely doctor is with her, and she confirms that the area found on the
ultrasound is the same area on the images from the mammogram. When the
technician leaves the room this time, the doctor remains and says she needs to
speak to me.
So, here I am. I’m cold, I’m
wearing a gown that opens in the front so they can get access to the areas they
need, I feel like I’ve been violated and now there is something the physician
needs to talk to me about. She did allow me to put my shirt on over the gown so
that I felt somewhat prepared to interact with her. I’m told that they saw
something on the mammogram and the ultrasound confirmed that it is a mass. She
explains about the biopsy procedure they need to do and wants my permission to
proceed. Knowing that my husband would have a royal fit if I deny, and really,
I need to know what this is as well, I give my permission to do the biopsy.
They performed an ultrasound guided biopsy and took three samples to send to
the lab. I checked the little box that said I didn’t care if it was a janitor
that called me with the results, I wanted to know via phone as soon as they get
the report from the lab. I do not want to go in and talk to someone. I want a
phone call. I don’t even care if the report comes through at midnight, I want
someone to call me immediately. I’m given discharge instructions to not lift,
push, pull, tug or drag for 72 hours and then I go home.
Home is where I am now. I have
spent the last 48 hours praying, crying, laughing and preparing for worst case
scenario while hoping for best case. I made a phone call to my husband who is
overseas. Actually, I called him before they did the biopsy to let him know
what was going on. I was alone and I needed to hear his voice to just settle my
nerves somewhat. I called my two best friends and told them what had happened.
24 hours later, I posted on social media and my friends rallied. It gave me
such great hope to know that I didn’t even have results and my friends were
manning battle stations. The hospital staff gave me a magazine that had a ton
of information on head wraps, hats, wigs, breast prosthetics, etc. I left it
there because if I brought it home it makes things real and I don’t want to
deal with real unless I have to.
So, for today…I am alive. I am
well. I know that God is preparing me for something in my life. I also know
that God will be with me through it all, whatever the all ends up being. For
now, I smile and accept life for what it is and what it is not.
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