Even the strongest need rest.

As I sit here and wipe the tears from my eyes, I wonder when I truly began to shut the world out, and to constantly protect myself. And then I realize, that I have always done so, since a child. I didn’t want to be hurt, I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want anything…including living my life. Most important at that point and still today…I just don’t want to FEEL.

It’s extremely difficult to put into words exactly what I mean by that. I carry so much, all the time, and then I have those days where everything will put me in tears. Because it’s exhausting carrying it all, every second…of every day. Today is that day. Today is when I just want to be left alone, to just lick the wounds, pull away and just breathe, waiting for night to fall, so I can go to sleep and leave today behind.

A single tear runs down,

Thoughts race…

Everything,

Nothing,

Pain…

A crushing existence,

Shouldering everything,

Sharing nothing.

Caring too much,

Yet hated,

So much more than she can ever care.

Pointless worry,

Unable to stop.

Unable to breathe,

Keep the armor on,

Words as weapons,

Always ready,

Battle never stops.

Her own demons hiding…

Waiting for that moment…

Weakness.

Like a Spartan warrior,

Hunker down, shield up,

Wait for the onslaught,

Resting only briefly.

The next battle begins.

-          D. Bunch