I feel like I need to air a few issues, so this is what I shall
discuss.
First, let’s talk about beliefs and opinions, which is
essentially the same thing. I know that I am guilty of attacking a person’s
beliefs and of their opinions. However; that meant that I was the one with the
issue and not the other person. I’d like to think that over a long period of
time I have matured enough to realize that each of us has our right to our own
thoughts and beliefs. I’d really like to think that I am able to take that
wisdom and not behave in such a manner that they feel like they are coming
under attack from me. On the flip side of that coin, I’d also like to believe
that I won’t feel the same way again either. Unfortunately, this is not going
to be the case and I know that. Just as surely as I know that the sun rises in
the East and sets in the West. So, with that said, I must therefore be well
versed enough and believe with such conviction that I am prepared for the
onslaught of what I know will come.
Yesterday was one of those kinds of days. I felt as if I was
being attacked for a belief that I have. I tried very hard to not take offense
and not become angry over it. I partially succeeded in that attempt. I took
offense to only one sentence out of the entirety that was said. To me that is
progress. I do think that I had success in not lashing out at anything other
than what I took offense to because I understood what they were saying and while
I didn’t necessarily agree with it, I realized that this is that person’s
belief. I really want to think that in my future that I will continue to not
say to another person that what they firmly believe is in any way, wrong. Who
am I to judge what is right or wrong in someone else’s head? It isn’t my place
to judge them. That belongs to my Lord and Savior and not any living being on
this earth. You can even disagree with that and I’m okay with it. I simply beg
of you to hold steadfast in what you believe, do your own research on whatever
the matter is be it your faith, your political views or whatever else you
believe. Be educated in those matters and speak with conviction, yet retain
your composure WHEN you come under attack from others.
This next topic is something that my friends and my immediate
family will side with me on, but I am almost positive that there will be some
family members that will take issue with. I’m going to take it there anyway. There
are and have always been great measures taken to keep a great dividing gap
between our children. When I say our children, I mean mine and Pat’s. Not that
him and I put the gap there, but another party did. To go to the length of
coaching children as to how they are to act and speak around me was not a surprise
for me to learn, but I felt that if you must coach your offspring then the
insecurity is yours and not mine. Nine years I have dealt with this. At every
turn, my husband and I met opposition from the other party, attempts to create
discord in our marriage and blatant attacks toward my husband. Five years ago I
hit my limit on disrespect. I do not tolerate it from my own daughters and I
will not tolerate it from his. Period. At that point, I became the enemy with
my In-laws. I made it known that I would not allow certain people under the
same roof as myself if they cannot control themselves and be respectful. That
rule is still in effect to this day. My own daughter is not allowed to be back
under my roof so to think that I would allow the same kind of behavior from
another child is ludicrous.
I know that I am not the mother to a couple of our children and
I never once tried to replace their own. However; I AM a mother and the rules
that my own must follow are the same rules for the others. One rule, straight
across the board. I did not make any difference. Others do not have that same
policy. I have witnessed obvious differences made between “true” family members
and family members by marriage only. I have tried for a great number of years
to overlook it and just remain steadfast in my own manner. This year was the
year I failed. I cannot bear to continue watching from the sidelines. I am not
friends with these people and won’t perpetuate the illusion that I am. I’m just
tired.
I’m tired of watching my child cry because of another child. I’m
tired of watching my daughter become angry because the mother of the other
child has created an entire lifetime worth of animosity and jealousy in her
child and it is aimed at my daughter. I am tired of feeling as if I am caught
in the middle between three warring families. I’m done! If someone has a
problem with me then talk to ME. If you don’t know how to do that, then that is
your issue, not mine, not my husband’s and most definitely not the children’s.
Regardless of whatever issue is going on with one of the other kids, the moment
my husband learns of it, it isn’t long after, that I learn it as well. With that
being said, it is my suggestion that they not go through me to reach him. If he
needs to be reached there are ways to do it other than asking me to do it for
you. I, like you, do not want to be in the middle. And, like I am doing now,
stop being nice and remove yourself from the position you find yourself in.
I was sincere in my words when I said that I hope she was okay.
I did not ask for information, nor was it required. A rote response of “she
will be” or “I hope so as well”, was all that was needed. I knew that I would
learn what was going on, it was just a matter of time. When I did learn what
was going on, I had to encounter an attitude that I have seen only too many
times from my husband. Each time, it only serves to make me angry. I become
angry with each person that is a link in the chain that upsets him. To read the
words, “like Britney had”, was enough to push me over that proverbial cliff I’ve
been clinging to for NINE years. You may very well love your family and you can
rest assured that I love mine just as much. In an attempt to help my husband
keep his sanity I have decided that OUR family, meaning the people that live in
our house, is where I will keep my focus. I, and I alone, will make sure that
we are cared for and nurtured. I have never stood between Pat and any of his
family and I will continue in that manner. I also will no longer make mine or
my daughter’s presence known around the rest of his family. This may be
considered as wrong in your book, but not in my own.
What I want to point out though is this. Children grow up and
move away from their parents. A marriage is between two people and no one else.
As long as the husband and the wife love and nurture what they have then they
continue to thrive when the children are out on their own. This is my goal.
That and just making sure that my children are raised in a manner that I deem
fitting and just. Your, meaning everyone, opinion means absolutely nothing to
me.
My last bit of infinite wisdom is this and you can agree or disagree.
You CAN love someone and not like them.
That is where I am.
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