As this year draws to a close, because today is the 30th, which means we have two more days until we are officially in 2012, I get the opportunity to look back and be thankful for my life and everything in it. There were certainly some days this past year that made me wish a lot of things and some times, not so good things were wished for. I cannot take those thoughts back, but I can sit here and say that I am so very thankful for unanswered prayers.
I have had the opportunities this year to travel, try new things, see new places, make new friends and learn just how difficult tough love really is. I have learned that I am able to endure pain of which there was truly no way to measure it on any sort of scale. I learned that my husband loves me unconditionally. I already knew my parents did, but they continue to show it. I learned that it is possible to love your parents more than you ever realized you did. I also learned just how peaceful a near death experience truly is. There are no words that I could ever speak or write down that could tell you just how utterly calm everything is on the cusp of death. While I did not see any bright lights or family members that have previously passed, I experienced nothing short of a state of pure calming bliss. It was later overshadowed by confusion, but that was while I was attempting to realize the meaning of all my vital signs.
We visitied New Orleans, I got to experience Bourbon Street, true Louisiana cooking and then got to drive through the March Madness traffic in Houston on our way to Austin. While living here, I have visited Dallas and attended my first wedding, other than my own. We have visited San Antonio and The Alamo as well as The River Walk. Pat has had Lasik surgery and no longer wears glasses and is still handsome as all heck. Savannah has spent a little over two months with us this year and I got to learn even more "stories" that she has been told. I'll stop there and just say that I love that Pat gets to spend time with his daughter. I just wish that I could enjoy the visits just as much instead of having to deal with the drama caused by all the untruths that have been shoved into her head.
I found a church this year that makes me feel so welcome and comfortable. More importantly than that, I opened my heart to Christ and have began to learn more about myself through the lessons in the Bible. I am a work in progress and I fall short each and every day, but I still try my very best to live the life that God wants me to live and try to be a lesson to others of His love and goodness.
This year has been a year of lessons both good and bad, easy and hard. I expect that 2012 will hold the same in store. I'm just happy to be alive to get to enjoy the time that will be coming up over the next year. Happy New Year to each and every one of you.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
One month closer...
I truly cannot believe that it is September already. It seems like it was just yesterday that we moved to Texas. That Britney finished the school year. That Celina was just a phone call away, if and when she would actually speak to me. A lot has happened since April. We moved here, Brit finished school and her softball season in Kentucky, I got a job, Pat started school, Nana came for a visit and then a lot of things went south quite suddenly. I got sick, really sick. Two emergency surgeries, a near death experience, three weeks in the hospital and having to resign from my job really hit us hard financially. Bills are running behind and I feel like I sold my soul to the electric company in an effort to get a payment arrangement worked out with them to keep our electric on.
However; even though things got rough and I was really letting it get me down and turn me into a little miss whiney pants; I eventually sat back and took a real hard look at things and realized that I was still blessed. Our electricity is still on, as is the water, gas, cable, internet, phone and cell phones. We have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs, countless friends and family members that love us, a car that runs, a job that pays the majority of our bills and most of all...we have each other to lean on. As hard as it is right now, and as hard as it is for me to see past everything that is happening right now, I know that when this time passes I will be able to look back and say that it wasn't as bad as it could have been and I'll take a new lesson in life and add it to my list.
Pat is currently enrolled in Fall classes at UT. He's taking 12 credit hours towards his Master's Degree this semester. He's doing a lot of reading and I am learning to leave him alone because I know this is hard stuff he's working on. Britney has started her 7th grade year at her new school, Hopewell Middle School. She is in band, is a member of Pep Squad, is taking dance, doing tutoring after school and has just signed up to play softball. Just her schedule alone makes my head spin, but she's got it all planned out in her head and she refuses to give up any of it. We have agreed to allow her to keep it all on her plate for now, but if her grades start to fall then something has to go. She assures me that she is fine and she has set her goal of becoming a member of National Junior Honor Society. Oh, and let's not forget her church activities and volunteer work! I look at my youngest and I am so proud of her and the person she is becoming.
I look at Britney and I know that I am not a bad parent. That somewhere I did something well. Being able to see this from her makes it a little easier to swallow the fear and shame that I feel when I think about my Celina, my first girl, my first baby, my first love. I won't go into details, but let's suffice it to say that Celina has her own uphill battle she is having to fight and I cannot help her. It is possible for a parent to feel like a failure with one child and feel pride with another. Trust me, this I know.
So, as things stand right at this moment, we're not completely okay but we will get there.
Because if nothing else, I have a God that loves and protects me, a husband that I love and adore and children that I would die for. I think I have more in my life, short comings and all, than a lot of others and I am just...humbled.
However; even though things got rough and I was really letting it get me down and turn me into a little miss whiney pants; I eventually sat back and took a real hard look at things and realized that I was still blessed. Our electricity is still on, as is the water, gas, cable, internet, phone and cell phones. We have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs, countless friends and family members that love us, a car that runs, a job that pays the majority of our bills and most of all...we have each other to lean on. As hard as it is right now, and as hard as it is for me to see past everything that is happening right now, I know that when this time passes I will be able to look back and say that it wasn't as bad as it could have been and I'll take a new lesson in life and add it to my list.
Pat is currently enrolled in Fall classes at UT. He's taking 12 credit hours towards his Master's Degree this semester. He's doing a lot of reading and I am learning to leave him alone because I know this is hard stuff he's working on. Britney has started her 7th grade year at her new school, Hopewell Middle School. She is in band, is a member of Pep Squad, is taking dance, doing tutoring after school and has just signed up to play softball. Just her schedule alone makes my head spin, but she's got it all planned out in her head and she refuses to give up any of it. We have agreed to allow her to keep it all on her plate for now, but if her grades start to fall then something has to go. She assures me that she is fine and she has set her goal of becoming a member of National Junior Honor Society. Oh, and let's not forget her church activities and volunteer work! I look at my youngest and I am so proud of her and the person she is becoming.
I look at Britney and I know that I am not a bad parent. That somewhere I did something well. Being able to see this from her makes it a little easier to swallow the fear and shame that I feel when I think about my Celina, my first girl, my first baby, my first love. I won't go into details, but let's suffice it to say that Celina has her own uphill battle she is having to fight and I cannot help her. It is possible for a parent to feel like a failure with one child and feel pride with another. Trust me, this I know.
So, as things stand right at this moment, we're not completely okay but we will get there.
Because if nothing else, I have a God that loves and protects me, a husband that I love and adore and children that I would die for. I think I have more in my life, short comings and all, than a lot of others and I am just...humbled.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Stuck in "Longhorn Country"
Okay, so it's been a little bit since I have written anything or really updated stuff. As the title suggests, we are now officially living in Texas. Actually, we're a little north east of Austin, living in one of the suburbs. Yeah, we are suburbanites now. It's not all bad. I like our neighborhood, love the sidewalks, the school for the kids is a rather short walk from the house and I absolutely love our house. Now, if we can talk to someone about the weather here, that would be amazing!
It gets a little hot for this Kentucky girl in the Spring. I'm used to storms, subtle breezes, grass getting green, tree buds, flowers blooming and the ever infamous weather patterns consisting of 85 one day and 30 the next. Ah, yes...Spring in Kentucky.
Now, let's take a look at Spring in Texas. The grass is a dying shade of green with more brown than anything else, it's windy...and I mean WINDY, hail storms but NO rain (still haven't figured out how in the hell that happens), tree/pollen/grass molds are HIGH, flowers are dying and if you ONLY hit 85 during the day you rejoice, but more often than not the temps hover in the 90's and the humidity is just as bad as it is in Kentucky in the middle of Summer. Yeah, the joy of Spring in Texas. Woo.
However; I am finding that there are plenty of jobs to be had here. In the community we live in, the surrounding suburbs and if you want to commute into Austin, then there are a plethora of opportunities for job seekers. I, however; do not want to commute into Austin. I'd prefer to stay sort of close to home.
The people are relatively nice. I have yet to meet any actual, full on jerks, well...with the exception of the woman who is the civilian worker at the ROTC department at UT-Austin. Um, I have to say that if she just disappeared one day, I may or may not have a rather kickin' party to celebrate. I'd say it was really just a "search party" being put together and let it go at that.
The driving here is a little crazy sometimes. I just have to get used to urban driving again. If you have defensive driving skills and utilize them, you'll do JUST fine. I did break down today and purchased a TxTag. For those of you who want to know what that is, it's an electronic tag that you place on your windshield below your rear view mirror and you pre-pay toll fees, it's your toll pass. Since a lot of people don't want to pay the tolls and they clog up the interstate and the access roads, I figured I'd be a little smarter (although a little less rich) and purchase the tag so that I can hop on and off at my convenience and not deal with the moronic drivers that are in a hurry, yet can't go anywhere, during rush hour. Yep, that's why I get paid the big bucks people...to think. Now, if I could figure out how to outsmart everyone else, then I'd demand a raise!
I may update a little more later, but for now this True Blue Cat girl is going to go see if I can find Bevo (The Longhorn Mascot) and show him a thing or two about true fans...LOL
It gets a little hot for this Kentucky girl in the Spring. I'm used to storms, subtle breezes, grass getting green, tree buds, flowers blooming and the ever infamous weather patterns consisting of 85 one day and 30 the next. Ah, yes...Spring in Kentucky.
Now, let's take a look at Spring in Texas. The grass is a dying shade of green with more brown than anything else, it's windy...and I mean WINDY, hail storms but NO rain (still haven't figured out how in the hell that happens), tree/pollen/grass molds are HIGH, flowers are dying and if you ONLY hit 85 during the day you rejoice, but more often than not the temps hover in the 90's and the humidity is just as bad as it is in Kentucky in the middle of Summer. Yeah, the joy of Spring in Texas. Woo.
However; I am finding that there are plenty of jobs to be had here. In the community we live in, the surrounding suburbs and if you want to commute into Austin, then there are a plethora of opportunities for job seekers. I, however; do not want to commute into Austin. I'd prefer to stay sort of close to home.
The people are relatively nice. I have yet to meet any actual, full on jerks, well...with the exception of the woman who is the civilian worker at the ROTC department at UT-Austin. Um, I have to say that if she just disappeared one day, I may or may not have a rather kickin' party to celebrate. I'd say it was really just a "search party" being put together and let it go at that.
The driving here is a little crazy sometimes. I just have to get used to urban driving again. If you have defensive driving skills and utilize them, you'll do JUST fine. I did break down today and purchased a TxTag. For those of you who want to know what that is, it's an electronic tag that you place on your windshield below your rear view mirror and you pre-pay toll fees, it's your toll pass. Since a lot of people don't want to pay the tolls and they clog up the interstate and the access roads, I figured I'd be a little smarter (although a little less rich) and purchase the tag so that I can hop on and off at my convenience and not deal with the moronic drivers that are in a hurry, yet can't go anywhere, during rush hour. Yep, that's why I get paid the big bucks people...to think. Now, if I could figure out how to outsmart everyone else, then I'd demand a raise!
I may update a little more later, but for now this True Blue Cat girl is going to go see if I can find Bevo (The Longhorn Mascot) and show him a thing or two about true fans...LOL
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I think I'm going crazy
I'm going to write this down and I know that whoever reads it may actually think that I am losing my mind. Heck, after what happened, I don't know that I'm not going crazy. I woke up at 4:45 this morning because Tiberius let me know that him and Ash really, really, REALLY needed to go pee. So, me being the responsible owner that I am, took them outside and let them do their business and then we came back in and went back to sleep. The boys followed me back into the bedroom where I took my customary place in bed and they took their usual spots as well...Tiberius under the bed at my feet and Ash next to the bed right at my side.
Off to la la land we go. I got up a little bit later to turn the ceiling fan on because it was just super hot in the room, almost stuffy enough to really affect your breathing. Back to bed I go and promptly drift back off to sleep. Next thing I know I hear a very deep mans laughing sound coming from the foot of my bed. My eyes popped wide open and every hair on my body was standing on end. The boys were both up growling and snarling, looking very much like wolves on a hunting expedition. I jumped up out of the bed, push the boys out of the way and run out of the bedroom and began checking every single room and closet in this house to see if someone had gotten into our house. Knowing that I was all alone because the boys would have alerted me if someone had broken into our house. The dogs stayed in my bedroom just glaring at the spot where I heard the laughter from...not a "ha ha" funny kind of laugh, but the kind of laugh that reminds you of pure evil. It took them almost 15 minutes to stop the growling and snarling...Tiberius especially looked as if he was ready to attack and go for the kill spot.
We were completely and utterly alone in the house. There was nothing on...no TV, no radio, no cell phone, home phone was on charger. All the doors and windows were locked and the garage door was down as well.
I have absolutely NO idea what the heck happened. I do know what I heard. There isn't a person on this planet that could convince me that I just dreamed that sound. How could I? My dogs can't hear my dreams and WHAT would make them react the way that they did? They were truly on guard and protect mode...from...something.
I know my husband and a lot of other people as well do not believe in spirits, ghosts, hauntings, etc. I do. Sometimes things happen that completely defy logic. This morning was one of those moments that defied logic.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
I don't know anymore.
Off to la la land we go. I got up a little bit later to turn the ceiling fan on because it was just super hot in the room, almost stuffy enough to really affect your breathing. Back to bed I go and promptly drift back off to sleep. Next thing I know I hear a very deep mans laughing sound coming from the foot of my bed. My eyes popped wide open and every hair on my body was standing on end. The boys were both up growling and snarling, looking very much like wolves on a hunting expedition. I jumped up out of the bed, push the boys out of the way and run out of the bedroom and began checking every single room and closet in this house to see if someone had gotten into our house. Knowing that I was all alone because the boys would have alerted me if someone had broken into our house. The dogs stayed in my bedroom just glaring at the spot where I heard the laughter from...not a "ha ha" funny kind of laugh, but the kind of laugh that reminds you of pure evil. It took them almost 15 minutes to stop the growling and snarling...Tiberius especially looked as if he was ready to attack and go for the kill spot.
We were completely and utterly alone in the house. There was nothing on...no TV, no radio, no cell phone, home phone was on charger. All the doors and windows were locked and the garage door was down as well.
I have absolutely NO idea what the heck happened. I do know what I heard. There isn't a person on this planet that could convince me that I just dreamed that sound. How could I? My dogs can't hear my dreams and WHAT would make them react the way that they did? They were truly on guard and protect mode...from...something.
I know my husband and a lot of other people as well do not believe in spirits, ghosts, hauntings, etc. I do. Sometimes things happen that completely defy logic. This morning was one of those moments that defied logic.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
I don't know anymore.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Busy days and weeks ahead
I woke up this morning, made sure the kiddo was awake, showered and ready for school and when she left I went back to bed. Slept for a couple more hours then woke up and started my day again. First things first...coffee. I made a pot of coffee and then waited for my husband to be able to get internet access so we could talk on Skype. We talked for about an hour and he went to bed for the evening and I began my day.
I realized that the boys were out of dog food, so I knew I'd be making a trip to the store for that. I showered and dressed then headed out the door. I picked up dog food, cat litter and a couple odd and end things we needed at the house. Then I went through the car wash and vacuumed the car out. Next was heading to Mom's to fill out the guardianship papers and get them filed at the court house. We go to court next Thursday to have Mom named as legal guardian for Nina. I took Mom to pay a bill and dropped her back at her house. Next up was a quick stop at IGA for a few groceries for the house. Ya know...cereal, breakfast sandwiches, fruit, etc.
I needed some caffeine at that point because my meter was running on empty. Of course, had I stopped to actually eat today, then I'm sure I would have been fine. As it was, I headed over to Baxter's for my large coffee with a shot of sugar free English toffee, cream and topped with whipped cream. Yummm!!
So, 6 hours after leaving my house...I finally got to return. Ti met me at the front door with his customary "I need to go pee Momma" dance, so I put him on the yard leash while I brought in the things from the car. Once I got the cold stuff put away, I let Ash out of his crate and we went outside so he could play with his brother. Ah, yes...nothing like watching two Husky pups (okay, so they're not pups anymore) play together. These big boys can get rough with each other! If you didn't know they were just playing, you'd swear they were actually fighting.
The youngest come home from school with a school sports physical form and a notice of softball tryouts...next week. Great, as if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now I have to find time to get her a sports physical. After many phone calls...I now have it arranged for Tuesday morning. My brother will take my Mom to her appointment that same morning as I take the child to the doctor appointment. Once I finish with that, then I'll drop her off at school and head up to where Mom will be because she is having a stress test done that day. Then after school, I have us an appointment at the spa for some super relaxing pedicures.
I'm going to try to enjoy the spa experience as best as I can because the next day will be softball tryouts. The day after is court for guardianship. The next day I work. I'm on call the day after that. Hopefully after being on call, the next day my husband will be home. Lord help me after that, because the first week he is home is just as hectic and busy.
Welcome to my life. I'll have months where absolutely nothing will happen and then BOOM! all of a sudden everything explodes and it's crazy busy.
This will be my life for the next few weeks.
Just sit back and hang tight. It's going to be one wild ride.
I realized that the boys were out of dog food, so I knew I'd be making a trip to the store for that. I showered and dressed then headed out the door. I picked up dog food, cat litter and a couple odd and end things we needed at the house. Then I went through the car wash and vacuumed the car out. Next was heading to Mom's to fill out the guardianship papers and get them filed at the court house. We go to court next Thursday to have Mom named as legal guardian for Nina. I took Mom to pay a bill and dropped her back at her house. Next up was a quick stop at IGA for a few groceries for the house. Ya know...cereal, breakfast sandwiches, fruit, etc.
I needed some caffeine at that point because my meter was running on empty. Of course, had I stopped to actually eat today, then I'm sure I would have been fine. As it was, I headed over to Baxter's for my large coffee with a shot of sugar free English toffee, cream and topped with whipped cream. Yummm!!
So, 6 hours after leaving my house...I finally got to return. Ti met me at the front door with his customary "I need to go pee Momma" dance, so I put him on the yard leash while I brought in the things from the car. Once I got the cold stuff put away, I let Ash out of his crate and we went outside so he could play with his brother. Ah, yes...nothing like watching two Husky pups (okay, so they're not pups anymore) play together. These big boys can get rough with each other! If you didn't know they were just playing, you'd swear they were actually fighting.
The youngest come home from school with a school sports physical form and a notice of softball tryouts...next week. Great, as if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now I have to find time to get her a sports physical. After many phone calls...I now have it arranged for Tuesday morning. My brother will take my Mom to her appointment that same morning as I take the child to the doctor appointment. Once I finish with that, then I'll drop her off at school and head up to where Mom will be because she is having a stress test done that day. Then after school, I have us an appointment at the spa for some super relaxing pedicures.
I'm going to try to enjoy the spa experience as best as I can because the next day will be softball tryouts. The day after is court for guardianship. The next day I work. I'm on call the day after that. Hopefully after being on call, the next day my husband will be home. Lord help me after that, because the first week he is home is just as hectic and busy.
Welcome to my life. I'll have months where absolutely nothing will happen and then BOOM! all of a sudden everything explodes and it's crazy busy.
This will be my life for the next few weeks.
Just sit back and hang tight. It's going to be one wild ride.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
B.O.R.E.D
I am so bored right now, I can't stand it. I have watched a couple episodes of House. Talked to my mom on the phone. Checked emails and responded to a couple things. Done my obligatory facebook update and now...here I sit. Completely and utterly bored out of my mind.
Pat graduates tomorrow and then the next day he starts his regional travel before finally coming home. I'm not thrilled about one of the places he's going, but hey...whatever. At least one of us will get to see some cool things in other countries. Things that I'll never get to see for myself. I can't live through my husband and sometimes, okay...so a lot of times, I get really jealous of that fact. I don't get to see these things and experience them for the first time as a couple. If I ever get to see any of these places, then it will be completely different. It won't be something really cool for him because he will have already experienced it. Instead I find myself keeping track of the places he goes and the things he does while there and intentionally plan on leaving him behind and going by myself IF I ever get to see the same things. I find myself angry over it.
This last year has just been really hard, both personally and financially. I know that when he does this travel, it will all go on his GTC and I know that I'll have the stupid bill sitting in my mail box before he even gets home. I will then have to pay this bill out of funds from our own account and then have to sit and wait weeks for any kind of reimbursement on it and maybe not even be fully reimbursed because some of the places he's going and staying cost more than what his per diem is. How is this fair? My jealousy and anger over all of this can and probably will turn into rage at some point. I'm not understanding the why behind his travel to one particular country. It's not a country in his AO, he's said himself that he's going to play tourist. Why? Why not just go to the one country that is in his AO and then come home. He talks about wanting to just come home. Well. I'm not seeing the issue anymore. JUST. COME. HOME. Nope, instead it's going to be one big tourist trip simply so he can see these places. Whoopity do. I want to go see Savannah, GA, which is about a 10 hr drive away and I haven't. Why? Because I want to see and experience it with him for the first time.
I want that "first time" experience to be as a couple. I understand that some of the travel he's had to do is necessity. I get that. It doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry, but I still understand it. I'm just having a really difficult time understanding why one would go to a country where we'll never be...EVER...instead of just coming home.
I just do not understand.
So instead, I'll go sit down and cry. Because I'm frustrated and angry.
Pat graduates tomorrow and then the next day he starts his regional travel before finally coming home. I'm not thrilled about one of the places he's going, but hey...whatever. At least one of us will get to see some cool things in other countries. Things that I'll never get to see for myself. I can't live through my husband and sometimes, okay...so a lot of times, I get really jealous of that fact. I don't get to see these things and experience them for the first time as a couple. If I ever get to see any of these places, then it will be completely different. It won't be something really cool for him because he will have already experienced it. Instead I find myself keeping track of the places he goes and the things he does while there and intentionally plan on leaving him behind and going by myself IF I ever get to see the same things. I find myself angry over it.
This last year has just been really hard, both personally and financially. I know that when he does this travel, it will all go on his GTC and I know that I'll have the stupid bill sitting in my mail box before he even gets home. I will then have to pay this bill out of funds from our own account and then have to sit and wait weeks for any kind of reimbursement on it and maybe not even be fully reimbursed because some of the places he's going and staying cost more than what his per diem is. How is this fair? My jealousy and anger over all of this can and probably will turn into rage at some point. I'm not understanding the why behind his travel to one particular country. It's not a country in his AO, he's said himself that he's going to play tourist. Why? Why not just go to the one country that is in his AO and then come home. He talks about wanting to just come home. Well. I'm not seeing the issue anymore. JUST. COME. HOME. Nope, instead it's going to be one big tourist trip simply so he can see these places. Whoopity do. I want to go see Savannah, GA, which is about a 10 hr drive away and I haven't. Why? Because I want to see and experience it with him for the first time.
I want that "first time" experience to be as a couple. I understand that some of the travel he's had to do is necessity. I get that. It doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry, but I still understand it. I'm just having a really difficult time understanding why one would go to a country where we'll never be...EVER...instead of just coming home.
I just do not understand.
So instead, I'll go sit down and cry. Because I'm frustrated and angry.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Stress? I know not what that is!
Psht...and if you believe that title then I have some Oceanfront property in Arizona to sell to you! We're currently sitting two days out from when Pat finishes his overseas tour and yet we still don't have orders on anything! Yeah, yeah...he told me not to worry about anything...but sometimes I think he forgets who he's married to. Worrier...party of ONE...right here.
I'm still looking at homes in the Austin area, since we at least know WHERE we are moving to, but it's really difficult to start to pick anything when you don't have a time frame on WHEN you'll be there. By the way...just in case anyone doesn't know...it's really difficult finding properties to rent when you have pets. I'm about at the point that if I knew we'd be there for a long time, I'd just start looking at homes to buy. However; since we'll only be there for a little over a year, there's no point.
Now I have to consider whether or not I allow my youngest daughter to stay here with either friends or family to finish out her school year before bringing her to Austin. Right now, I think we're seriously considering finding someone she can stay with to do that. I just don't see the point in pulling her out of school with just a couple months left in the school year, to drag her halfway across the country and start her in a completely different school just a few weeks before their school year ends. If we allow her to stay I know it will be in her best interest. She can just wrap up school here and start fresh on the next school year in Texas. It will give her a chance to meet some kids in the neighborhood over summer so that she has a few people she knows when school starts back. I just don't like knowing that we'd be in one state and she in another. What if something really bad happened? I don't know...we're still debating and weighing the pro's and con's of it all.
I really hate to leave where I'm working at as well. I love our management and the other associates. It's weird for me, in a way, to say that. My former job, it was just myself and two others working there. I got used to being in an office setting. I never thought I'd see the day when I said that I enjoyed working retail. However; I also never thought I'd see myself working where I do either...so I guess it all works itself out in the end. I just hate packing everything up and moving just when things really started pulling together here. The kid loves her school, she has some great friends and I have a job that I love and people that I love working with.
So, thanks again Dear Army. Once again we get to completely uproot and start all over again. And in another year, we'll be doing this same dance again. Maybe after that move we can stay somewhere for, oh..I don't know, a couple years before we have to move again? Do we think maybe that can happen? I doubt it.
I'm still looking at homes in the Austin area, since we at least know WHERE we are moving to, but it's really difficult to start to pick anything when you don't have a time frame on WHEN you'll be there. By the way...just in case anyone doesn't know...it's really difficult finding properties to rent when you have pets. I'm about at the point that if I knew we'd be there for a long time, I'd just start looking at homes to buy. However; since we'll only be there for a little over a year, there's no point.
Now I have to consider whether or not I allow my youngest daughter to stay here with either friends or family to finish out her school year before bringing her to Austin. Right now, I think we're seriously considering finding someone she can stay with to do that. I just don't see the point in pulling her out of school with just a couple months left in the school year, to drag her halfway across the country and start her in a completely different school just a few weeks before their school year ends. If we allow her to stay I know it will be in her best interest. She can just wrap up school here and start fresh on the next school year in Texas. It will give her a chance to meet some kids in the neighborhood over summer so that she has a few people she knows when school starts back. I just don't like knowing that we'd be in one state and she in another. What if something really bad happened? I don't know...we're still debating and weighing the pro's and con's of it all.
I really hate to leave where I'm working at as well. I love our management and the other associates. It's weird for me, in a way, to say that. My former job, it was just myself and two others working there. I got used to being in an office setting. I never thought I'd see the day when I said that I enjoyed working retail. However; I also never thought I'd see myself working where I do either...so I guess it all works itself out in the end. I just hate packing everything up and moving just when things really started pulling together here. The kid loves her school, she has some great friends and I have a job that I love and people that I love working with.
So, thanks again Dear Army. Once again we get to completely uproot and start all over again. And in another year, we'll be doing this same dance again. Maybe after that move we can stay somewhere for, oh..I don't know, a couple years before we have to move again? Do we think maybe that can happen? I doubt it.
Friday, February 11, 2011
39 days...give or take
This is approximately how long I have until we move. For those that can't count...that's one month, one week and two days. I don't know quite how to feel at this moment. I really thought I'd have a little more time until we had to leave. I'm apprehensive, worried and I feel rushed. I want to make sure my daughter lives in an area that has really good schools, so we have concentrated our search in Round Rock, TX. The town is about 17 miles North/North East of Austin and it has exemplary schools.
Now the search for a house has begun. Yet, we still don't have orders outlining when we need to leave and when he has to report. I've been able to find a Realtor in the area that has put together listings in the price range and town we're looking at. We've found a couple that are real contenders. One had a great yard, but they were asking an exorbitant amount of money on the pet deposit, so I said thank you, no. The other house will allow our pets with no issues, but the square footage is a concern since it's smaller than what we live in currently and it's tight to get all our furniture in here. The last one has just about everything on our list...yard, fenced area for the boys to run, 3 bedrooms, an office and garage space. It doesn't have a refrigerator though, but that's not an issue...we get one at a pretty decent price. The last house is currently occupied but, will be ready for new tenants on 15 March...just about a week before we'll be in the area.
I just don't like feeling rushed. I feel like I'm being pushed to choose something and it limits my options. I don't like that...at all. I don't like someone else having all the control. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I married my husband. Was I insane? Is this really what I signed up for? Moving every year to a new town, new state. I try to look at as an adventure, but some days I fail to see the adventure. My daughter wants to stay in one school for one school year. I haven't even been able to do that. She has attended 5 different schools in the course of 3 years. This will be our 4th move in 3 years...and we'll be moving again next year. Some times I really feel like a horrid parent, especially when she makes good friends and she has to tell them good bye.
This is our life. Welcome to the Army. Kiss my ass...
Signed,
One disgruntled Mommy and Wife.
Now the search for a house has begun. Yet, we still don't have orders outlining when we need to leave and when he has to report. I've been able to find a Realtor in the area that has put together listings in the price range and town we're looking at. We've found a couple that are real contenders. One had a great yard, but they were asking an exorbitant amount of money on the pet deposit, so I said thank you, no. The other house will allow our pets with no issues, but the square footage is a concern since it's smaller than what we live in currently and it's tight to get all our furniture in here. The last one has just about everything on our list...yard, fenced area for the boys to run, 3 bedrooms, an office and garage space. It doesn't have a refrigerator though, but that's not an issue...we get one at a pretty decent price. The last house is currently occupied but, will be ready for new tenants on 15 March...just about a week before we'll be in the area.
I just don't like feeling rushed. I feel like I'm being pushed to choose something and it limits my options. I don't like that...at all. I don't like someone else having all the control. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I married my husband. Was I insane? Is this really what I signed up for? Moving every year to a new town, new state. I try to look at as an adventure, but some days I fail to see the adventure. My daughter wants to stay in one school for one school year. I haven't even been able to do that. She has attended 5 different schools in the course of 3 years. This will be our 4th move in 3 years...and we'll be moving again next year. Some times I really feel like a horrid parent, especially when she makes good friends and she has to tell them good bye.
This is our life. Welcome to the Army. Kiss my ass...
Signed,
One disgruntled Mommy and Wife.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Sick kid alert
I guess it started yesterday, or at least that's when my daughter called me from her friends house and said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to come home. I knew she had to be really sick for her to not want to stay with her friend. So I went and picked her up. I made a pit stop at the Dollar General store and picked up some OTC cough and cold medicine for her as well as a throat spray because she said her throat was really hurting. One more pit stop to pick up some food and we were on our way home. Within an hour of picking her up, her cough went from a dry sound to a wet, unproductive deep cough from her chest. Her fever spiked up to 103. Out came the Tylenol and into bed she went.
I was hoping that maybe with some rest and correct medicine dosage that today she would be feeling a little better. I was wrong, oh so wrong. Her fever is now back up to 102 and climbing. I've had her take some more Tylenol and I have the Motrin out as well. We'll do a fever check every two hours and alternate the Tylenol and Motrin in an effort to keep her fever at bay. Maybe, just maybe I can keep her semi well enough to last until tomorrow morning so that I can call her doctor and get her in to be seen. I don't want to take her to the hospital, but I will if I absolutely have to.
My fear? That this is the flu. My bigger fear? That it could be H1N1. There are a LOT of kids out of school right now and H1N1 is the culprit taking them. I'd like to hope that the CDC has done their proper work and there is something that they can give to keep them alive. I remember vividly the amount of deaths from this strain of flu virus. So in an effort to keep this at bay, whatever form of flu it is, I'll be cleaning the house today and spraying Lysol on everything.
Right now I just need my little girl better. Work is going to have to be put on hold today. I don't need to be there. I am right where I need to be today...with my sick child and fighting the fever.
I was hoping that maybe with some rest and correct medicine dosage that today she would be feeling a little better. I was wrong, oh so wrong. Her fever is now back up to 102 and climbing. I've had her take some more Tylenol and I have the Motrin out as well. We'll do a fever check every two hours and alternate the Tylenol and Motrin in an effort to keep her fever at bay. Maybe, just maybe I can keep her semi well enough to last until tomorrow morning so that I can call her doctor and get her in to be seen. I don't want to take her to the hospital, but I will if I absolutely have to.
My fear? That this is the flu. My bigger fear? That it could be H1N1. There are a LOT of kids out of school right now and H1N1 is the culprit taking them. I'd like to hope that the CDC has done their proper work and there is something that they can give to keep them alive. I remember vividly the amount of deaths from this strain of flu virus. So in an effort to keep this at bay, whatever form of flu it is, I'll be cleaning the house today and spraying Lysol on everything.
Right now I just need my little girl better. Work is going to have to be put on hold today. I don't need to be there. I am right where I need to be today...with my sick child and fighting the fever.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Texas here we come!
FINALLY!! We know where we're going! However; I still don't know when, but I don't care. I at least know the area we are going and I can start looking at schools and neighborhoods to live in. Yippee!
Of course now the butterflies set in. How much is it going to take us to move? How much of a deposit will we need to put down on a house? How much for pet deposit? What are the differences in the schools there compared to here? Do they have a softball team that my daughter can join? Will my job really transfer? There are just a ton of questions that I don't have answers to. Doctors? Specialists? See what I'm talking about? And there will be more questions I have the closer it gets to move time.
Okay...I have to go for now because otherwise my brain is going to explode from all the questions.
Of course now the butterflies set in. How much is it going to take us to move? How much of a deposit will we need to put down on a house? How much for pet deposit? What are the differences in the schools there compared to here? Do they have a softball team that my daughter can join? Will my job really transfer? There are just a ton of questions that I don't have answers to. Doctors? Specialists? See what I'm talking about? And there will be more questions I have the closer it gets to move time.
Okay...I have to go for now because otherwise my brain is going to explode from all the questions.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Realization
So I'm sitting here browsing through Facebook and my email and subconsciously my left hand is tapping on my right collar bone. All of a sudden it dawns on me that not only can I actually palpate my collar bone, but the indention on the sides of my neck and I can trace the bone around to my trachea and I can feel all of it. Now, I know that most people don't ever think about things like that, but to a former morbidly obese person...it's the little things like that, that just sneak up on us. I'm still not used to seeing my collar bones, or the indentions, or seeing a thinner face.
I'm 16 1/2 months out from gastric bypass surgery and there are still days that I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I still haven't reconciled my current reflection with my former self. I still sometimes see a super fat person. Even when I put on my size 12 jeans. I've lost 120 lbs...I have lost an entire PERSON...but there are definitely days where I still see the old me. I wonder at what point that will stop...or will it ever fully stop?
I know people that have had this same surgery and they get down to the 130 weight range, but that isn't me. My only goal going into this surgery was to no longer be diabetic and for my cholesterol and blood pressure to be normal. I didn't have a certain size or weight I wanted to be. I wanted to be healthy, that was all. I now weigh about 185 and it will fluctuate up to 190...and I am perfectly fine at this weight. I don't want to be super skinny, never have and I don't want to start now. I'm happy being a size 12. I'm comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a very long time. I just get tired of hearing comments from others wanting to know why I haven't lost more weight, why am I not trying to get down to 140...blah, blah, blah. Here's why....because I don't WANT to. Period.
My husband loved me as a big girl. He wasn't entirely on board with the surgery until he realized that the health benefits far outweighed me not having the surgery. He still worries sometimes, but it just boils down to the fact that he loved me then...and he still loves me now. I may have lost some weight, and I may not look like I did a year and a half ago, but I am still the same person...attitude and all. I just look different. That's the only change. I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I hear my husbands voice, I still fight for the underdog, I still defend my decisions and I don't back down from confrontation. I can still be your best friend or your most dreaded enemy...it depends on who you are, what you have done and are you really worthy of being a friend of mine and vice versa.
Don't judge people based on what they look like. Had you met me 16 months ago, you would probably have made fat jokes behind my back, but now...you'd never know I was any different if I hadn't told you about my surgery. Just because someone looks one way, doesn't mean they are horrible...or lazy...or even nice. Look beyond the outward appearance and get to know the person underneath the outside layer. You may be surprised at some of the things you learn about them...and...about yourself in the process.
I'm 16 1/2 months out from gastric bypass surgery and there are still days that I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I still haven't reconciled my current reflection with my former self. I still sometimes see a super fat person. Even when I put on my size 12 jeans. I've lost 120 lbs...I have lost an entire PERSON...but there are definitely days where I still see the old me. I wonder at what point that will stop...or will it ever fully stop?
I know people that have had this same surgery and they get down to the 130 weight range, but that isn't me. My only goal going into this surgery was to no longer be diabetic and for my cholesterol and blood pressure to be normal. I didn't have a certain size or weight I wanted to be. I wanted to be healthy, that was all. I now weigh about 185 and it will fluctuate up to 190...and I am perfectly fine at this weight. I don't want to be super skinny, never have and I don't want to start now. I'm happy being a size 12. I'm comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a very long time. I just get tired of hearing comments from others wanting to know why I haven't lost more weight, why am I not trying to get down to 140...blah, blah, blah. Here's why....because I don't WANT to. Period.
My husband loved me as a big girl. He wasn't entirely on board with the surgery until he realized that the health benefits far outweighed me not having the surgery. He still worries sometimes, but it just boils down to the fact that he loved me then...and he still loves me now. I may have lost some weight, and I may not look like I did a year and a half ago, but I am still the same person...attitude and all. I just look different. That's the only change. I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I hear my husbands voice, I still fight for the underdog, I still defend my decisions and I don't back down from confrontation. I can still be your best friend or your most dreaded enemy...it depends on who you are, what you have done and are you really worthy of being a friend of mine and vice versa.
Don't judge people based on what they look like. Had you met me 16 months ago, you would probably have made fat jokes behind my back, but now...you'd never know I was any different if I hadn't told you about my surgery. Just because someone looks one way, doesn't mean they are horrible...or lazy...or even nice. Look beyond the outward appearance and get to know the person underneath the outside layer. You may be surprised at some of the things you learn about them...and...about yourself in the process.
Thursday, Thursday...
I'm feeling upbeat and ready to go get 'em today. Not that I have a clue as to why I feel that way, but I do. Maybe it's because for the first time in 22 years that I am sleeping through the night. Having insomnia stinks and when you've had it for as long as I have, it stinks even more. Imagine only sleeping 2-3 hrs a night for the last 22 years. It's no wonder I was always such a grump. It was really nice to be able to talk to the nurse practitioner at my doctor's office and finally feel as if someone was actually hearing me. My doctor had me take a couple different narcotics to help me sleep, but after a while they stopped working and I always felt drugged when I would wake up in the morning. What the nurse practitioner gave me is a non-narcotic medication and it doesn't make me feel super sleepy after five minutes. I can take it a couple of hours before I want to go to sleep and know that I'll be tired and ready for bed when I anticipated it. I also don't wake up feeling drugged in the mornings. I have to say, I didn't realize just how much I really missed sleeping until I started resting better at night.
I'm not quite sure what today will hold in store for me, but I'm ready for it. I work again today and hopefully we'll be able to get some things done tonight at the store so we won't have to work so late on Sunday. Nothing like preparing for something and getting it done before hand. We reset a couple of tables yesterday and maybe over the next couple of days, we'll get the rest of them redone. Not that I watch the SuperBowl but, apparently my managers do...so we must get them home to enjoy that.
So for now, I'm going to go and get ready for the day. Maybe I'll call my mom and have lunch with her. I'd just like to get out of the house for a little while today. I hope you all have a great day and we'll talk later!
I'm not quite sure what today will hold in store for me, but I'm ready for it. I work again today and hopefully we'll be able to get some things done tonight at the store so we won't have to work so late on Sunday. Nothing like preparing for something and getting it done before hand. We reset a couple of tables yesterday and maybe over the next couple of days, we'll get the rest of them redone. Not that I watch the SuperBowl but, apparently my managers do...so we must get them home to enjoy that.
So for now, I'm going to go and get ready for the day. Maybe I'll call my mom and have lunch with her. I'd just like to get out of the house for a little while today. I hope you all have a great day and we'll talk later!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It's hump day!
Yay! We've made it to Wednesday and you know what that means. It means we're even closer to the weekend...wooo! Not that it means a whole lot to me because at my job, I get to work weekends. So, not real sure why Wednesday is a big deal to me.
After my vent yesterday things have sort of improved. My husband was able to finally get hold of his commander and get contact information to people who could start getting his paperwork ready in order for him to come home. I guess this is the downside to him being a FAO, he doesn't have a unit that he reports to. So everything he does has to go through a satellite unit essentially and sometimes things get "overlooked". Because his classes overseas end at such an odd time in comparison to when he'll start ACS it throws things into a funk. The people who cut orders generally assume that he wouldn't be done until June and then he'd start ACS in August. Uh, no...he'll be a part of the final presentation on the 17th of this month and then he's all done. So while I still don't have an exact return date for him, it makes me feel a little better just knowing that someone is starting to get things moving so he can get back home. We'll cross the other bridges as we get to them.
I did tell management today at work what to expect upon his return so that they know why I request "x" number of days off without hassle. Not that I expected any hassle from them anyway because 1.) it's a great company to work for and 2.) our store management team is just awesome to work with anyways. Knowing that when I do get an exact return date, that I'll have no problems asking for some time off work to spend with him, that is just amazing.
Speaking of work...
I really do love my job. I'm a sales associate for BBW. How many people can actually say that they enjoy their job? I can and I love that! I'm such a fan of their products that it makes it exciting for me to be there. I get to turn my love of their products into other people loving it too. You will never, I repeat...NEVER, hear or read about me talking up current or upcoming sales as well as talking about new products that will be coming out. All you'll get from me is a statement advising that you go to their website or visit your local store and check out the things happening there. Sorry. I guess technically I wasn't even supposed to say where I work at, but I don't foresee my blog going nationwide or viral, so I think I'll be okay. And if you don't know what BBW is, then please don't ask me to tell you, because...well...confidentiality agreements and me keeping my job are kind of important to me.
I know this is a longer posting, but bear with me a little bit longer.
Dinner tonight was originally going to be something made with ground turkey. However; after straightening up the house a little bit, I decided that maybe we just need to have a night off from cooking and cleaning up afterward. So we ordered pizza and wings from Pizza Hut. I love their Hawaiian Luau pizza! Their honey bbq and spicy asian wings are delicious as well. And that was what we ordered. I expect a phone call from the delivery driver any minute now asking how to get to our house. It always happens because our street is still not on any GPS or mapping systems, yet it's been here for years. Go figure.
Well, I think that's it for tonight. I'm going to go watch some of our recorded shows and wait for the pizza to show up. I might even talk to my husband tonight on Skype. We'll see.
After my vent yesterday things have sort of improved. My husband was able to finally get hold of his commander and get contact information to people who could start getting his paperwork ready in order for him to come home. I guess this is the downside to him being a FAO, he doesn't have a unit that he reports to. So everything he does has to go through a satellite unit essentially and sometimes things get "overlooked". Because his classes overseas end at such an odd time in comparison to when he'll start ACS it throws things into a funk. The people who cut orders generally assume that he wouldn't be done until June and then he'd start ACS in August. Uh, no...he'll be a part of the final presentation on the 17th of this month and then he's all done. So while I still don't have an exact return date for him, it makes me feel a little better just knowing that someone is starting to get things moving so he can get back home. We'll cross the other bridges as we get to them.
I did tell management today at work what to expect upon his return so that they know why I request "x" number of days off without hassle. Not that I expected any hassle from them anyway because 1.) it's a great company to work for and 2.) our store management team is just awesome to work with anyways. Knowing that when I do get an exact return date, that I'll have no problems asking for some time off work to spend with him, that is just amazing.
Speaking of work...
I really do love my job. I'm a sales associate for BBW. How many people can actually say that they enjoy their job? I can and I love that! I'm such a fan of their products that it makes it exciting for me to be there. I get to turn my love of their products into other people loving it too. You will never, I repeat...NEVER, hear or read about me talking up current or upcoming sales as well as talking about new products that will be coming out. All you'll get from me is a statement advising that you go to their website or visit your local store and check out the things happening there. Sorry. I guess technically I wasn't even supposed to say where I work at, but I don't foresee my blog going nationwide or viral, so I think I'll be okay. And if you don't know what BBW is, then please don't ask me to tell you, because...well...confidentiality agreements and me keeping my job are kind of important to me.
I know this is a longer posting, but bear with me a little bit longer.
Dinner tonight was originally going to be something made with ground turkey. However; after straightening up the house a little bit, I decided that maybe we just need to have a night off from cooking and cleaning up afterward. So we ordered pizza and wings from Pizza Hut. I love their Hawaiian Luau pizza! Their honey bbq and spicy asian wings are delicious as well. And that was what we ordered. I expect a phone call from the delivery driver any minute now asking how to get to our house. It always happens because our street is still not on any GPS or mapping systems, yet it's been here for years. Go figure.
Well, I think that's it for tonight. I'm going to go watch some of our recorded shows and wait for the pizza to show up. I might even talk to my husband tonight on Skype. We'll see.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
More than a little frustrated
I have to vent a little bit here. So bear with me. This will be a shorter post.
My husband has been overseas for the last 13 months. He has officially finished his tour. Is he on his way home? No. Why? Because someone, somewhere has failed to do their job and cut his orders to come home. Why? I. Don't. Know!
I don't understand how just cutting an order can be so damn difficult. I know there are not a lot of FAO's so how is it that this slipped by? How hard is it to answer an email or return a phone call? My husband has been emailing and calling for quite a while now!
Grrrrr!!! *RAWR*
SOMEONE BRING HIM HOME!!
My husband has been overseas for the last 13 months. He has officially finished his tour. Is he on his way home? No. Why? Because someone, somewhere has failed to do their job and cut his orders to come home. Why? I. Don't. Know!
I don't understand how just cutting an order can be so damn difficult. I know there are not a lot of FAO's so how is it that this slipped by? How hard is it to answer an email or return a phone call? My husband has been emailing and calling for quite a while now!
Grrrrr!!! *RAWR*
SOMEONE BRING HIM HOME!!
Well I survived Monday
Obviously since today is Tuesday and I am blogging. He he he. Right now I'm sitting in the office with my trusty mug of justice...err, coffee...yes, coffee...by my side. Be grateful that I have my coffee, otherwise very bad things would happen. We won't discuss the possibility of not having coffee. It is just unheard of. Shhhh. What was I saying? Hmmm. Oh well, moving on now.
I had another really weird dream. This time I dreamed that we were living in a tree. Not like living in the branches, but the entire inside of the tree had been hollowed out and we were living inside of the tree. My parents were there and there were a lot of kids and we were trying to take them to Disneyland. However; when a couple of the kids and I were walking out of the tree to get onto the path so we could get to the car, all of a sudden there was a wildcat that was stalking the path. I had to get the kids back inside the tree and close the front door. Meanwhile, my parents are freaking out because there is a wild animal that won't let us leave. Next thing I know, there is a leopard as well as the wildcat trying to get into our house. I finally realize that I have my gun, so I go get it from the closet, load it and decide that I am going to walk outside, fire a couple rounds off from the shotgun to scare the animals away so the kids and I can safely get up to the car. Well, when I fire the first round from the gun....it's a freaking flare that goes up! We still have these two wild animals stalking us and I can't get everyone safely to where they need to be. - Then I wake up.
Anyone want to go all psychiatrist on me and analyze that? I could read a lot into it, but who the heck knows what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. Maybe the Army is represented by the wild animals since we can't leave where we are yet because they still haven't cut orders for my husband. Maybe we're going back to California and that's what Disneyland represents. Or maybe I just ate something wonky before bedtime and it allowed my mind to wander freely on it's own. Who knows.
So, going back to a previous discussion about shoes. I think I'm going to wear a new pair of them today. I'll take a picture of them because they are super cute! I'm half expecting myself to flip my hair at any minute and giggle because I hardly ever use the phrase "super cute". Ahhhhhh!!! What is happening to me? Am I suddenly and inexplicably turning into *gasp* a girl?! Noooooooooooooooo!!! I've never been the girly girl. I don't know how to do girly. Heck, I can barely apply makeup correctly! BTW, I'm not wearing makeup today, just so everyone knows. I only wear makeup on the days that I work or on days that I'm picking my husband up at the airport as he returns from his deployments. So we're all clear on that....I only make myself up a couple times a week for work. I only wear makeup for my husband ummmm....once last year when he came home on leave....and I'll wear it again at some point this year when he finally gets to come home. See, lazy girl....right here!
It's getting close to the time that I have to be at school for Beta Club induction ceremony. I am so proud of my daughter! She's made the honor society! Time for me to go get my cute shoes on and head to school. I'll have pictures later!
Have a great day everyone!
I had another really weird dream. This time I dreamed that we were living in a tree. Not like living in the branches, but the entire inside of the tree had been hollowed out and we were living inside of the tree. My parents were there and there were a lot of kids and we were trying to take them to Disneyland. However; when a couple of the kids and I were walking out of the tree to get onto the path so we could get to the car, all of a sudden there was a wildcat that was stalking the path. I had to get the kids back inside the tree and close the front door. Meanwhile, my parents are freaking out because there is a wild animal that won't let us leave. Next thing I know, there is a leopard as well as the wildcat trying to get into our house. I finally realize that I have my gun, so I go get it from the closet, load it and decide that I am going to walk outside, fire a couple rounds off from the shotgun to scare the animals away so the kids and I can safely get up to the car. Well, when I fire the first round from the gun....it's a freaking flare that goes up! We still have these two wild animals stalking us and I can't get everyone safely to where they need to be. - Then I wake up.
Anyone want to go all psychiatrist on me and analyze that? I could read a lot into it, but who the heck knows what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. Maybe the Army is represented by the wild animals since we can't leave where we are yet because they still haven't cut orders for my husband. Maybe we're going back to California and that's what Disneyland represents. Or maybe I just ate something wonky before bedtime and it allowed my mind to wander freely on it's own. Who knows.
So, going back to a previous discussion about shoes. I think I'm going to wear a new pair of them today. I'll take a picture of them because they are super cute! I'm half expecting myself to flip my hair at any minute and giggle because I hardly ever use the phrase "super cute". Ahhhhhh!!! What is happening to me? Am I suddenly and inexplicably turning into *gasp* a girl?! Noooooooooooooooo!!! I've never been the girly girl. I don't know how to do girly. Heck, I can barely apply makeup correctly! BTW, I'm not wearing makeup today, just so everyone knows. I only wear makeup on the days that I work or on days that I'm picking my husband up at the airport as he returns from his deployments. So we're all clear on that....I only make myself up a couple times a week for work. I only wear makeup for my husband ummmm....once last year when he came home on leave....and I'll wear it again at some point this year when he finally gets to come home. See, lazy girl....right here!
It's getting close to the time that I have to be at school for Beta Club induction ceremony. I am so proud of my daughter! She's made the honor society! Time for me to go get my cute shoes on and head to school. I'll have pictures later!
Have a great day everyone!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Shoe Addict Anonymous
Did you know that there really is a shoe addict anonymous group? I had absolutely no clue, but I understand why there is one!
Hi. My name is Dee. I am a shoe addict.
I love clearance sales, especially where shoes are concerned. If I can walk out of a store with multiple pairs of shoes all for the price of one pair of shoes at regular price, well...let's just say that I'm glad my husband doesn't say anything about all the shoes in my closet. I know why I love shoes and I admit that, so really...doesn't that make me a non addict? If I recognize the issue? Maybe? Oh, whatever.
I remember growing up and both of my parents worked. In fact, I remember when they both worked two jobs. Talk about being a latch key kid. Yeah, I was. My brother and I were given shoes twice a year. We got a new pair when school started back and a pair of winter shoes. Oh, and we were given a cheap pair of shoes to play in during the summer. So, okay...that's three pair of shoes. That was it. If we tore our shoes up, we were just S.O.L. When I turned 16 and got my first job, I was ecstatic. I took my first paycheck ever and went to the shoe store and bought me a pair of Nike. I never looked back after that. If I had the money and saw a great pair of shoes, they were mine.
I do buy my kids shoes as well. I don't mind spending a little more on name brand shoes because I know they will wear longer than a pair from a local mega store. My youngest daughter is a shoe addict as well, however; I got lucky because we're the same size in shoes, so my shoe collection really turns into both of ours. I can't tell you how many times I have gone looking for a pair of shoes that I want to wear only to realize that they are on my daughters foot...at school. I usually sign in exasperation and settle on a different pair of shoes. The only ones that are completely off limits to her are my Ugg shoes. Those bad boys are worn to work and on really cold days.
So, as I sign off for now. Just remember. Shoe addicts are everywhere!
Hi. My name is Dee. I am a shoe addict.
I love clearance sales, especially where shoes are concerned. If I can walk out of a store with multiple pairs of shoes all for the price of one pair of shoes at regular price, well...let's just say that I'm glad my husband doesn't say anything about all the shoes in my closet. I know why I love shoes and I admit that, so really...doesn't that make me a non addict? If I recognize the issue? Maybe? Oh, whatever.
I remember growing up and both of my parents worked. In fact, I remember when they both worked two jobs. Talk about being a latch key kid. Yeah, I was. My brother and I were given shoes twice a year. We got a new pair when school started back and a pair of winter shoes. Oh, and we were given a cheap pair of shoes to play in during the summer. So, okay...that's three pair of shoes. That was it. If we tore our shoes up, we were just S.O.L. When I turned 16 and got my first job, I was ecstatic. I took my first paycheck ever and went to the shoe store and bought me a pair of Nike. I never looked back after that. If I had the money and saw a great pair of shoes, they were mine.
I do buy my kids shoes as well. I don't mind spending a little more on name brand shoes because I know they will wear longer than a pair from a local mega store. My youngest daughter is a shoe addict as well, however; I got lucky because we're the same size in shoes, so my shoe collection really turns into both of ours. I can't tell you how many times I have gone looking for a pair of shoes that I want to wear only to realize that they are on my daughters foot...at school. I usually sign in exasperation and settle on a different pair of shoes. The only ones that are completely off limits to her are my Ugg shoes. Those bad boys are worn to work and on really cold days.
So, as I sign off for now. Just remember. Shoe addicts are everywhere!
Friends
How many friends does one need to feel fulfilled? I know those who feel as if they have to have a ton of friends and for them, that's fine. However; I have never been a person that had to be surrounded by a ton of people. I'm just not wired that way I guess. I've never had more than 3 or 4 close friends at a time and as I get older, that still holds true.
I think we all have those people we call friends, but in all actuality they aren't real friends. They're the people you call when you just want to gripe about something and you don't need any real support from. They are your "fair weather" friends. We also have those people that we keep close to us just so we can keep a close eye on...a "frienemy" as the term is these days.
I love dearly my friends I have now. My circle seems to be expanding, finding new friends in the places we go and we develop a deep bond, and even when we move away from each other we still keep in contact. We still support and love the other person and we'd move mountains to help each other if we could. My only wish is that we lived closer so that we could still visit frequently. However; because they are military and we are military, we will probably never be in the same place together again. I look forward to the day when I can visit them again. I miss them and their company so very much. We share so much of ourselves with our friends, both good and bad.
It just seems lately as if I only share bad things. I don't like that. I am ecstatic however for all the good things happening in their lives. Two of them are expecting their second child, and I am so giddy that I can't stand myself...lol. I can't wait for them to get to the baby shower stage! I want to buy stuff for them because I know that they will be appreciative of it and not expect anything, that's what makes them great people. I really do miss them.
Maybe some day soon, I'll reconnect with them in person one more time.
I think we all have those people we call friends, but in all actuality they aren't real friends. They're the people you call when you just want to gripe about something and you don't need any real support from. They are your "fair weather" friends. We also have those people that we keep close to us just so we can keep a close eye on...a "frienemy" as the term is these days.
I love dearly my friends I have now. My circle seems to be expanding, finding new friends in the places we go and we develop a deep bond, and even when we move away from each other we still keep in contact. We still support and love the other person and we'd move mountains to help each other if we could. My only wish is that we lived closer so that we could still visit frequently. However; because they are military and we are military, we will probably never be in the same place together again. I look forward to the day when I can visit them again. I miss them and their company so very much. We share so much of ourselves with our friends, both good and bad.
It just seems lately as if I only share bad things. I don't like that. I am ecstatic however for all the good things happening in their lives. Two of them are expecting their second child, and I am so giddy that I can't stand myself...lol. I can't wait for them to get to the baby shower stage! I want to buy stuff for them because I know that they will be appreciative of it and not expect anything, that's what makes them great people. I really do miss them.
Maybe some day soon, I'll reconnect with them in person one more time.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I hate generalizations!
Apparently today is my "bitchy" day. I've got an opinion and I'm not afraid to share it and I don't care who you are or who you THINK you are. I despise generalized statements that clump an entire group of people together! I read something earlier on another web page that "stuck in my craw", as we say in the South. A fellow Army wife made a statement that essentially said ALL Army wives that use "military time or words" are stupid. She is the resident expert on that because this wife is also a FORMER soldier. Gosh, I didn't realize that her being a former soldier makes her more knowledgeable than anyone else.
What this so called expert fails to realize is that she includes herself in her broad generalized statement. Major FAIL!! If military wives use 24 hr time or acronyms ("military words"), then that does not make them stupid. A lot of the time it's because jokes are being made.
My issue isn't so much with her bashing Army wives, although I do take offense to that, it's the fact that she uses a broad generalized statement instead of focusing on the person that she deemed "stupid". You prove just how truly ignorant you are when you make those types of statements. It shows just how much of a racist/sexist/segregationist you are, because you automatically assume that all people in whatever group are the same way. This would be like me saying "All fat people are lazy" when I know that isn't the case! Just for clarification, I was being facetious when I wrote that. When I weighed 125 lbs more than I do now, I was NOT lazy. Sometimes I think I did more then than I do now. I just look more "socially acceptable" now with my weight being "normal". Whatever. I don't do normal.
The day that people stop making generalizations will be a great day in history! Not that we'll ever get there, but oh to dream.
Now...go forth and spread my message that all people that make generalized statements about a group of people are bumbling a**holes that need a lobotomy. You can even tell them I said it and if they have a problem they can take it up with me personally.
~ Dee ~
What this so called expert fails to realize is that she includes herself in her broad generalized statement. Major FAIL!! If military wives use 24 hr time or acronyms ("military words"), then that does not make them stupid. A lot of the time it's because jokes are being made.
My issue isn't so much with her bashing Army wives, although I do take offense to that, it's the fact that she uses a broad generalized statement instead of focusing on the person that she deemed "stupid". You prove just how truly ignorant you are when you make those types of statements. It shows just how much of a racist/sexist/segregationist you are, because you automatically assume that all people in whatever group are the same way. This would be like me saying "All fat people are lazy" when I know that isn't the case! Just for clarification, I was being facetious when I wrote that. When I weighed 125 lbs more than I do now, I was NOT lazy. Sometimes I think I did more then than I do now. I just look more "socially acceptable" now with my weight being "normal". Whatever. I don't do normal.
The day that people stop making generalizations will be a great day in history! Not that we'll ever get there, but oh to dream.
Now...go forth and spread my message that all people that make generalized statements about a group of people are bumbling a**holes that need a lobotomy. You can even tell them I said it and if they have a problem they can take it up with me personally.
~ Dee ~
My right to bear arms
First off, I am not a criminal. I have every single right to purchase and own pretty much any gun that I want, as long as it is a legal firearm. I'm not looking into purchasing or wanting under my roof a weapon that is illegal. I am not a hunter. I do not have any desire whatsoever to go out and hunt defenseless animals (if you're a hunter, more power to you, but it's not my bag.) I have legally modified my gun so that it can hold the full capacity of shells. It holds six just in case anyone was wondering. If I ever have to actually use this gun, I will have no qualms about protecting my home and our lives. God have mercy on the person that decides that it's my house they want to break into. If my dogs don't eat them alive, then they'll have me to deal with.
I believe that every law abiding citizen and even those who have a non-violent criminal history have the right to own a gun. I believe in protecting my home, my self and my family against all terror threats, both foreign and domestic. I firmly believe that guns do not kill people...PEOPLE kill people. Guns are not the problem...people are. When we realize that, we'll be the better for it. Banning guns is in my opinion the same as banning air. Sure that may be a little dramatic but can you understand what I'm saying?
I can honestly say that I never thought I would ever have a firearm in my home. I didn't think there would ever be a time when I didn't feel safe in my house. I purchased my firearm as a means of home defense. Why? Had I been blogging last June and July then you would understand. In short, we lived next door to people who were dealing drugs out of the place they were renting. I shared a wall with them. I cannot begin to tell you the amount of traffic in and out of their residence all hours of the day and night. How many times it was my door people were knocking on looking for their drugs. The last straw came when the neighbors called their pit bull to attack while I was outside with my dog one day. My dog defended me and wound up killing their dog, but after that it became painfully obvious that I no longer felt safe in my own home. I bought that gun the following day. I stayed awake at night for weeks and kept the gun loaded and by my side, especially when the attempted breaks in started. Since the neighbors moved, I have unloaded the gun but I keep the shells close by in case I need to load it quickly. I've answered my door once with the gun in hand...but that's what happens when you awaken me at 3 o'clock in the morning by pounding on my door and alerting my dogs that there is a potential threat on the other side. Don't mess with me and don't make my dogs react threateningly and you won't be greeted with a shotgun pointed at your head.
I know there is a lot of violence in the world committed by people who have guns. Why punish and penalize the majority of us that are tax paying, law abiding citizens? Give it a rest people. I have just as much right to own my gun as a hungry person has the right to eat food. It's the exact.same.right! Completely different contexts but the same rights in the end game.
I completely believe in gun control. It's called holding it with two hands! Or, if there's a gun involved, I want to control it.
End of discussion.
And I couldn't sleep in why???
Oh that's right...it's because the boys needed to go outside and potty. Silly me. I thought there was another person in the house that could do this, but the pet gate on the stairs prevents them from waking the other one up. Hmph. That'll teach me to be proactive. Oh well, such as it is, I can take a nap later if I so desire...and right now...I desire that nap.
I think maybe tomorrow I'll not set the coffee maker to brew BOLD coffee. I love my coffee, but not this strong. It leaves a yucky aftertaste in my mouth. There's not enough sugar free flavoring or cream to lighten the taste. So lesson learned. The coffee maker does indeed make bold flavored coffee and I do not like it.
Right now I am in the process of attempting to quit smoking. I'm not sure how I'm doing at it, whether I'll be successful this time or not, but I seem to be smoking less. I don't know if the companies have changed their formula, but they just don't taste the same. I can actually taste the icky stuff we all know is in there. Or it could be the medicine I am on makes them taste that way. Whatever; all I know right now is that they are starting to taste really gross.
I'm a little concerned right now over payday as well. Usually we'll get paid on Friday if the 30th falls on a weekend. Well, we didn't. So I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow morning and see if we got paid. If we didn't, we are so screwed. We depend on my husbands pay, that's what pays the bills around here, because Lord knows that I hardly make squat to even count as working! I do have a job though and for that I am really thankful. So I'm hoping that when I wake up in the morning there will be money in our account. Because I don't want to have to call my husband, who is overseas, and say "Get DFAS on the phone and find out where the heck our money is." I'd be calling the bank and our other creditors saying that we didn't get paid and if they could just give me a few days to get it sorted out so that we could pay them, well that would be awesome. Let's hope I don't have to do that.
Oh good! The youngest daughter is awake and moving around. I know this because I hear some type of food being prepared in the kitchen. I.E. there are bags being opened and crinkling noises and the sound of the microwave being used. Unless the boys have somehow grown thumbs on their paws and have learned how to walk upright, then it must be the child. I wonder what she'd like to do today. Maybe we can go for a walk with the dogs or take a drive somewhere. I just need to get out of the house for a bit and reconnect with her.
For now though...I think I am going to go take that nap I mentioned earlier.
I think maybe tomorrow I'll not set the coffee maker to brew BOLD coffee. I love my coffee, but not this strong. It leaves a yucky aftertaste in my mouth. There's not enough sugar free flavoring or cream to lighten the taste. So lesson learned. The coffee maker does indeed make bold flavored coffee and I do not like it.
Right now I am in the process of attempting to quit smoking. I'm not sure how I'm doing at it, whether I'll be successful this time or not, but I seem to be smoking less. I don't know if the companies have changed their formula, but they just don't taste the same. I can actually taste the icky stuff we all know is in there. Or it could be the medicine I am on makes them taste that way. Whatever; all I know right now is that they are starting to taste really gross.
I'm a little concerned right now over payday as well. Usually we'll get paid on Friday if the 30th falls on a weekend. Well, we didn't. So I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow morning and see if we got paid. If we didn't, we are so screwed. We depend on my husbands pay, that's what pays the bills around here, because Lord knows that I hardly make squat to even count as working! I do have a job though and for that I am really thankful. So I'm hoping that when I wake up in the morning there will be money in our account. Because I don't want to have to call my husband, who is overseas, and say "Get DFAS on the phone and find out where the heck our money is." I'd be calling the bank and our other creditors saying that we didn't get paid and if they could just give me a few days to get it sorted out so that we could pay them, well that would be awesome. Let's hope I don't have to do that.
Oh good! The youngest daughter is awake and moving around. I know this because I hear some type of food being prepared in the kitchen. I.E. there are bags being opened and crinkling noises and the sound of the microwave being used. Unless the boys have somehow grown thumbs on their paws and have learned how to walk upright, then it must be the child. I wonder what she'd like to do today. Maybe we can go for a walk with the dogs or take a drive somewhere. I just need to get out of the house for a bit and reconnect with her.
For now though...I think I am going to go take that nap I mentioned earlier.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Raising a bipolar child
Bipolar disorder: A mood disorder sometimes called manic-depressive illness or manic-depression that characteristically involves cycles of depression and elation or mania. Sometimes the mood switches from high to low and back again are dramatic and rapid, but more often they are gradual and slow, and intervals of normal mood may occur between the high (manic) and low (depressive) phases of the condition. The symptoms of both the depressive and manic cycles may be severe and often lead to impaired functioning.
Both phases of the disease are deleterious. Mania affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that may cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, unwise business or financial decisions may be made when an individual is in a manic phase. Depression can also affect thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that may cause grave problems. For example, it elevates the risk of suicide. About 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the population aged 18 and older, have bipolar disorder.
Above is the "definition" of bipolar disorder. Now, let me explain to you what it's like living with someone that has this disorder. In short, it's Hell.
In all actuality, it really is. The reality and dynamics within the family are sporadic at best. The family has to bend in order to support the extremely rigid and structured lifestyle that one with bipolar disorder has to have. You walk on egg shells to keep from disrupting the gentle psyche of the person with the disorder. Their mood swings can happen daily. Imagine constantly being on a roller coaster...one minute you're at the apex and the next minute you've pulled 4 G's into a downward spiral drop. They're your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next. They'll stab you quicker than you can take a breath. In their worst phase, they become physically violent. You will fight for your life...literally.
Now, imagine this is your child. The one you carried within your body for 9 months, the one you nurtured as an infant and you love them more than life itself. Imagine having to worry every second of every day if that is the day they are going to kill themselves, or worse, they'll kill you. It's a domestically abusive home environment, but not from your spouse, from the child. I can't tell you the number of times that members of my immediate family have been hit or injured by my child. I've been transported to the hospital a couple different times from injuries received from my child. The court system is now involved. My child lives in a foster home because the home environment has become too unstable and is not safe enough for them to live with us. It's now a safety issue for ALL parties involved.
The lying is out of control. They can't tell the truth if their life depended on it. Lying about things that they don't even need to lie about. I don't understand it and I've lived this life for 15 years now. Had you asked me 15 years ago if this is where I thought I'd be, I would have laughed at you and said you were crazy. I now look back at the last 15 years and question just about every decision ever made in regards to the mental health of my child. I know that I've done all I could do, but the nagging guilt is still there. The "what if's" and "if only's" will more than likely plague me until the day I die. We've done so many different mental health placements, from mental hospitals to group homes, all to no avail. Special education services at school to help have also been to no fruition as well.
This morning was yet another yearly ARC meeting to review, make changes and implement a new IEP (individualized education plan) for my child. After the meeting was completed, we talked to my child about several lies we had caught them in just from this morning, and we explained the consequence for that action. Their cell phone was taken away. Not a huge consequence, but because the lies involved the use of the phone then that is what was taken. No sooner than I could snap my fingers then my child flipped out, started yelling and then got angry. Their glasses were broken because it was the closest thing they could get to. So then it was explained that because they broke their glasses, they would be responsible for the money to replace them. I'm not paying for them. The phone is still gone and they will get it back when I am told to return it to their grandmother. If looks could have killed, I would have been dead three times over. Even with other adults in the room, my body still prepared to defend itself and take whatever necessary action needed. What kind of parent needs to react like that? I'll tell you...the ones that have emotionally and mentally unstable children that resort to violence as their preferred method of output.
I love my child, with everything in me I love them. I have fought long and hard for their mental health and making sure they have anything and everything they need in place to ensure a positive outcome. I fought a losing battle, but I still continued to fight. However; I have come to a point in my life that I needed to weigh and consider the health, safety and well being of my other family members. In the process of doing that, it was determined that my child could no longer reside in our household. My child has lived with my parents for the past year, but even in that, they haven't really lived with them. Due to behaviors exhibited, they have gotten themselves into more legal trouble while in the custody of my parents...hence why they are now in a foster home and under court supervision. I don't know that my child will ever really be a functioning member of society. I don't know it would be safe for the general public in all honesty. I don't ever see them being able to reside outside of a rigid and structured setting. Knowing this about them, breaks my heart.
Holy blazes it's early!
It's 5:30 am and I am wide awake, have been for the last 30 minutes. Can I blame the dogs? They did alert me early that they needed to go potty. I mean, come on...they usually let me sleep until 6:30 and then I can lay back down for a little longer if I need to. Not this morning though. Oh no no no no no...uh uh...I guess my brain decided to kick in and start working too. Fine! Just because I'm awake does not mean that I have to enjoy it. Oh, but I do need to brush my teeth...hold on.
Okay, so not only did I brush my teeth, but I also woke up the youngest daughter and got her in the shower as well as starting coffee to brew. You didn't really think I'd forget the coffee, did you? If so then you must not have read some of my previous postings and my talk of how delicious Baxter's coffee is. Yes, I also buy my ground coffee from them as well. Oh and I fed the boys too...all three of them. So there shouldn't be a mutiny on my hands this morning.
I did have a really odd dream. I don't remember all the details, but I do remember wedding gowns, weddings, a school bus and my former mother in law and former husband. I kept telling my former husband to not touch me and that if he wanted surgery then he had to prove that he was willing to get all the pre-operative measures done, otherwise he was wasting everyone's time. Yeah, someone decipher all that for me and let me know what it means. K? Excellent. Moving on now...
So as I sit here and type endlessly to a blank screen, hoping to make a connection with someone out there in cyberspace, it makes me wonder how many others do this? I know there are a lot of bloggers out there, but who really reads all of it? I know that my life is quite boring in comparison to others, but it is still my life and I'm trying to make the most of it. Of course, my stomach is now telling me that I should make the most out of some kind of breakfast food.
Yes, you'll learn that sometimes my brain takes a quick left turn. Sometimes we have to take that little detour and then we'll continue on with what I was previously talking about. Breakfast. Oh, coffee is done!
And we're back! The above picture is my morning staple. Now that I have some go go juice, I can finish the rest of the day. Not that I'll be able to finish my thought...oh yeah...breakfast.
Breakfast is a tricky meal for me. See, I had gastric bypass surgery 16 months ago. So my digestive system is not like most any longer. Some mornings I can eat one whole egg and some mornings I can only eat half of it. Then I have days where I can have one packet of oatmeal and others where I just want some high protein yogurt (yes, there are such things...Kroger...Carbmaster yogurt...they are "da bomb"). This morning I think I might try to have a waffle. I found some Kashi waffles in the frozen breakfast foods section of the store yesterday while I was looking for french toast sticks for my daughter. I love Kashi and even though the carb count is a little high, I can balance out the rest of my day by consuming a little more protein than normal. Plus, it has blueberries in the waffle and I love me some blueberries! I'll leave you all for now, but I know that I'll be back later.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Eh...I'm stumped
It's the end of the day and I'm simultaneously blogging and chatting with my husband on Skype. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, so I should be able to type and talk at the same time. We'll see how this goes and decide if I can do this again another time.
It's been over a year now since my husband left for his overseas assignment. Actually, we're coming up on 13 months since he's been there and not here. Do you ever stop to think about all the things that actually happen in a year? Over this past year I have retained two attorneys. One to do battle with my husband's ex-wife over his daughter and one here locally to get the adoption paperwork filed and finalized so that my husband can adopt my youngest daughter. I've also been in and out of the juvenile court system with my oldest daughter. Dealt with multiple case workers in two different states over a couple different issues...all with no resolution currently. The adoption has halted until my husband gets back stateside. Our attorney in Illinois wants more money. I've dealt with skin cancer and had a hysterectomy...all in the course of one years time.
It's a lot when you stop and think about it. However; as I was going through it, as overwhelmed as I felt, I also felt as if there was nothing happening. How is that possible? There is a lot of things that happen over time and unless we really stop to look back and think about it, we don't quite realize all of it.
Oh the dreaded grocery shopping
Yum, all the fresh veggies and fruits! I had to do some grocery shopping today and walked up and down our local grocers fresh foods aisle for about 15 minutes debating on which foods I was going to purchase and ultimately bring home. Most of our food I have been getting on the perimeter of the store, you know, the area where most of the "good for you" foods are kept instead of wandering aimlessly up and down the canned/boxed food aisles. Oh sure, I go down those aisles if we need cereal or pasta, but I really try to keep us with the fresh foods. I always have a goal on what I'd like to spend in the store, but I have yet to actually meet that goal. Today I was hoping to keep it at $100 or less, however; 2/3rds of the way through the check out, I decided that if I could keep it under $200 then I'd be happy. So, I'm glad I upped my limit, made me less disappointed when I left.
Have you noticed that the cost of groceries and household supplies has risen lately? If not, I suggest you start paying closer attention to the things you buy. Keep track of what the cost was today and in another couple months, double check that cost. I guarantee that you'll be paying more money for the exact same item and maybe even getting less for more money. The economy is in the tank, the cost of everything is going up, yet our paychecks are not getting larger. I know that my own paycheck has definitely gone down because the hours at work have been cut. It's at times like this that I'm glad my husband has a job and he makes decent money, because if we had to rely on MY check...we'd be screwed, royally.
Sure, there were some things in my cart today that weren't grocery items, but they were items needed at the house. Shampoo, conditioner, tooth brush, household cleaning supplies, laundry supplies, etc. I think if I could have just purchased groceries then my total would have been less than my first goal. It's the "miscellaneous" items that really jacked the cost up. I even buy store brand cleaning supplies and it doesn't matter. Store brand vs. name brand...they are both expensive. Maybe if we all wrote enough letters to corporations saying "Hey! Our paychecks aren't getting larger here! Lower your prices, please" then we might see some kind of resolution. ~ And if we all believe that, then we all are sharing some kind of happy pill and have become delusional.
Dream
I have to get this down before I completely forget what it was I dreamed about. It's not often that I remember the dreams I have, but the ones I do remember usually have some kind of meaning behind it. I think the meaning behind this one is obvious, but I still need to get it written down somewhere.
In this dream, we (meaning my husband and I) were house hunting. Not to rent, but to buy, which is so not us. We were looking at condo's (also a little weird for us) and trying to decide what would be the better deal. In the meantime, while I'm talking to a realtor, we learn that someone has given us three million dollars to help us out. (Just so we all know, I don't have a rich uncle anywhere that is going to leave me anything, much less that kind of money. I don't think my husband has one either...so the money is coming out of someone's butt, just not sure who.) Moving on now...
We are looking at a condo that the kitchen needs serious updates done to, but the master bathroom is to die for and find out that we can purchase two condo's for $739,000. (I don't know where my brain comes up with these numbers...so just go with it.) Then I'm trying to convince my husband that we should purchase two of them and get into the real estate market, since we have the money to outright buy both units, we wouldn't have a monthly mortgage payment and we can live in one unit and rent the other unit out. Oh yeah and the location of these units...ocean view, view of Fisherman's Wharf, fine dining restaurants near by...it was a once in a lifetime chance to buy and be able to make money off of a good real estate investment. (For those that don't know, the setting for this particular dream was in Monterey, CA.)
So we purchase both units and the next thing I know is that we are sitting outside on our walk way and staring out at the water, and there is a little boy that is all excited because he can visit Grandma and Grandpa (my husband and I) and Grandpa is going to go scuba diving with him and bring him home a sea lion.
Needless to say...I think we are going back to California. I don't ever foresee us purchasing any kind of ocean view property there for that amount of money and I guess we're going to be grandparents to a little boy some day.
Mornings in our house
Good morning everyone! I guess we can still call it morning, it's only 10:30 am. Since there is no school, yet again, today I decided that we could all sleep in. The boys (you'll eventually realize that I call our dogs and cat that) did need to be taken out to potty around 6:30 am, but don't you worry...I was back in bed and sleeping right after that trip. Tiberius did not want to come back in the bedroom after using the restroom, so instead he curled up on the futon and stayed there. Ash followed me back to the bedroom and he curled up at the foot of the bed in the floor and promptly fell asleep, which allowed me to get another 3 hours...he's such a good boy...LOL
I love waking up and being greeted by Ash. He gets so excited to see me up and moving, he'll wag his tail so hard that his whole body moves! He's kinda like "Yay! Mom's up! Oh I'm so excited, I haven't seen her move in 8 hours!" He'll walk with me, or more like trip me up, as I begin my morning commute to the coffee pot to get my daily fix going. He'll pant in anticipation of me just bending down to give him a good scratch behind the ears. Ti however; is just like "Dude, whatever. It's just Mom." Ah, I feel the love from my boys.
Coffee...oh the blessed elixir that has been sent from some god somewhere. Coffee is my jumper cables in life. Without it, I don't think my battery would start and get me going. I hope to never have to know what I'd do without coffee. I'll blame my husband for getting me started on it. Then I'll blame Baxter's Coffee in Somerset, KY, for getting me addicted to it. This coffee shop is so good that when Staryucks opened in this town, they closed shortly after because their business was so low. Goooooooooo Baxter's!! (Of course the corporate owned store could have failed because of the economy as well, but I really don't think so.)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Let's talk Huskies
Tiberius, my first dog as an adult, my first Siberian Husky. I can tell you his birth date and I can tell you that I fell in love with him the first moment I saw him. He had such a serious looking face and he still does. He comes from excellent breeding stock and has the papers to prove his lineage and the accomplishments of his ancestors. I can honestly tell you that for all that, I really couldn't care any less about what his lineage is. He is AKC registry eligible, but I have never sent in his paperwork because I never plan on "showing" him. Tiberius is my "pretty boy" without a lick of sense in him. Well, now that's not really accurate either. He does know when he senses a threat to his Momma and at that point, whomever or whatever is causing the threat will realize quickly that my seemingly docile Siberian really is a force to be reckoned with. Whatever wolf instincts are bred deep into their genes are still there and they can be unlocked when he perceives a threat.
Ash, my second Siberian, my rescue pup. I saw his picture online, read a little of his story and called the woman who had posted the ad on Petfinder. Her and I talked for almost two hours and at the end of the call, I knew I was making a trip to Tennessee with Tiberius in tow to let these two boys meet and see how they responded. The trip was a success, obviously, since he now resides with us. Ash did not have the luck that Tiberius did as a pup. Where Tiberius has never known a day where he isn't loved and adored, Ash got shit for brains owners, who beat the dog out of him. When I first brought Ash into our home, he cowered for days until he was brave enough to start sniffing around and checking things out. We had to take it easy with him, and we still do, because any movement in his direction with your hand out made him cower in fear of being hit. I think he realizes now that he won't be hit in our house because his personality is starting to shine!
Tiberius & Ash - combined together...these two are some of the biggest joys in my life these days. They play and they romp and they run (boy do they ever run!) and they chase our cat, Seamus (pronounced SHAY-mus) relentlessly. Seamus is not without fault though. I swear somedays I think he has a death wish because he will hide behind a piece of furniture and jump out to attack which ever dog walks by him first...and then he dashes off...with the duo twins hot in pursuit. Tiberius is teaching Ash what it means to be a dog and I love watching Ash's progression and improvement day after day. Ti will bark at Ash if he thinks he is on something of his and Ash allows Ti to eat first, but he will protect his bone from him. We've had a couple of good fights between these two over bones. Tiberius does not like to share...at all. So sometimes Ash will climb up into my recliner and lay in my lap. I really think it's more of a "ha ha" in Ti's face than it is anything else, because he knows that if he is in my lap then Tiberius cannot do anything to him. They are both my boys and I am so proud to have them.
I will say this though. Not once did I ever anticipate owning more than one dog, much less having two Siberian's under one roof. However; I realize that I probably should have gotten two pups at birth so that they could have grown up together and been trained together. Then I realize that had I done that...I never would have found Ash and he would still be with the rescue group (who are great people by the way!) and searching for his forever home. So, I have no regrets over how I have gotten to this point with my boys. I love that Ti has a playmate...someone his size that he can rough house with...be a dog with. I do enjoy taking them for walks, even if most people that see me walking two of them at the same time do a double take because their first glance gives them the impression of two wolves on leashes. We get some odd looks some days, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
These are my boys.
I am Momma.
New Year...New Blog
Yeah, so it's now the end of January, so technically it is no longer New Year, but I think we'll skip the small details here and just focus on the fact that it IS a new year. Pat has officially been gone for over a year now and I'm hoping that he'll be home sooner rather than later, but seeing as how we still don't have orders, I'm not going to hold my breath. I do still get to see and speak to him via Skype, so not all hope is lost yet. When I lose that then I'll worry.
I joked the other day that I was going to start a new blog and call it "Random Conversations with Britney" because of the extreme randomness that falls out of her mouth sometimes when she speaks. For example, this morning she spouted off with "Did you know that whales have to sleep with one eye open? They have to because if they close both eyes then their brain doesn't tell them to breathe, so they always sleep with one eye open."
I didn't know whether to laugh because it was a joke and she just forgot the punch line or to sit there dumbfounded because she really believed it. I wound up going with the second choice. She's old enough to know she needs to fact check certain things she hears, but it's like her brain malfunctions sometimes and short wires her intelligence factor.
Meanwhile, I have filed our taxes and keep hoping the IRS finally says "oh yeah, hey, we received them and we're gonna send you the money you overpaid last year." Not that I'm going to hold my breath on that either, but it would be nice to get some kind of recognition...ya know? I get that it's the Gubbament and they really don't like confirming anything...I mean, really...I do understand that...hello! they employ my husband and are the ones who cut his paychecks. Sheesh...I really should be used to the whole "we can neither confirm nor deny" factor by this point.
I'm impatient and I know that. Sometimes I embrace that quality and run with it and other times I allow it to drive me bat shit crazy. Today is the bat shit crazy day. Just so you all know.
Oh yeah...gosh how could I have forgotten?! We now have three boys in our household. Ash is our newest addition, he is now the official little brother of Tiberius and Seamus (pronounced Shay-mus...not Sea-mus). That puts our total count at one cat (Seamus) and two Siberian Huskies. Yes...I am a glutton for punishment and insist on cleaning the floors in our house more than once per day. However; I don't know any other person that gets the kind of unconditional love and free entertainment every single day that my Siberian's provide for me, so I'll take my glutton with a side of dog hair and be happy about it!
I joked the other day that I was going to start a new blog and call it "Random Conversations with Britney" because of the extreme randomness that falls out of her mouth sometimes when she speaks. For example, this morning she spouted off with "Did you know that whales have to sleep with one eye open? They have to because if they close both eyes then their brain doesn't tell them to breathe, so they always sleep with one eye open."
I didn't know whether to laugh because it was a joke and she just forgot the punch line or to sit there dumbfounded because she really believed it. I wound up going with the second choice. She's old enough to know she needs to fact check certain things she hears, but it's like her brain malfunctions sometimes and short wires her intelligence factor.
Meanwhile, I have filed our taxes and keep hoping the IRS finally says "oh yeah, hey, we received them and we're gonna send you the money you overpaid last year." Not that I'm going to hold my breath on that either, but it would be nice to get some kind of recognition...ya know? I get that it's the Gubbament and they really don't like confirming anything...I mean, really...I do understand that...hello! they employ my husband and are the ones who cut his paychecks. Sheesh...I really should be used to the whole "we can neither confirm nor deny" factor by this point.
I'm impatient and I know that. Sometimes I embrace that quality and run with it and other times I allow it to drive me bat shit crazy. Today is the bat shit crazy day. Just so you all know.
Oh yeah...gosh how could I have forgotten?! We now have three boys in our household. Ash is our newest addition, he is now the official little brother of Tiberius and Seamus (pronounced Shay-mus...not Sea-mus). That puts our total count at one cat (Seamus) and two Siberian Huskies. Yes...I am a glutton for punishment and insist on cleaning the floors in our house more than once per day. However; I don't know any other person that gets the kind of unconditional love and free entertainment every single day that my Siberian's provide for me, so I'll take my glutton with a side of dog hair and be happy about it!
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