Bipolar disorder: A mood disorder sometimes called manic-depressive illness or manic-depression that characteristically involves cycles of depression and elation or mania. Sometimes the mood switches from high to low and back again are dramatic and rapid, but more often they are gradual and slow, and intervals of normal mood may occur between the high (manic) and low (depressive) phases of the condition. The symptoms of both the depressive and manic cycles may be severe and often lead to impaired functioning.
Both phases of the disease are deleterious. Mania affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that may cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, unwise business or financial decisions may be made when an individual is in a manic phase. Depression can also affect thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that may cause grave problems. For example, it elevates the risk of suicide. About 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the population aged 18 and older, have bipolar disorder.
Above is the "definition" of bipolar disorder. Now, let me explain to you what it's like living with someone that has this disorder. In short, it's Hell.
In all actuality, it really is. The reality and dynamics within the family are sporadic at best. The family has to bend in order to support the extremely rigid and structured lifestyle that one with bipolar disorder has to have. You walk on egg shells to keep from disrupting the gentle psyche of the person with the disorder. Their mood swings can happen daily. Imagine constantly being on a roller coaster...one minute you're at the apex and the next minute you've pulled 4 G's into a downward spiral drop. They're your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next. They'll stab you quicker than you can take a breath. In their worst phase, they become physically violent. You will fight for your life...literally.
Now, imagine this is your child. The one you carried within your body for 9 months, the one you nurtured as an infant and you love them more than life itself. Imagine having to worry every second of every day if that is the day they are going to kill themselves, or worse, they'll kill you. It's a domestically abusive home environment, but not from your spouse, from the child. I can't tell you the number of times that members of my immediate family have been hit or injured by my child. I've been transported to the hospital a couple different times from injuries received from my child. The court system is now involved. My child lives in a foster home because the home environment has become too unstable and is not safe enough for them to live with us. It's now a safety issue for ALL parties involved.
The lying is out of control. They can't tell the truth if their life depended on it. Lying about things that they don't even need to lie about. I don't understand it and I've lived this life for 15 years now. Had you asked me 15 years ago if this is where I thought I'd be, I would have laughed at you and said you were crazy. I now look back at the last 15 years and question just about every decision ever made in regards to the mental health of my child. I know that I've done all I could do, but the nagging guilt is still there. The "what if's" and "if only's" will more than likely plague me until the day I die. We've done so many different mental health placements, from mental hospitals to group homes, all to no avail. Special education services at school to help have also been to no fruition as well.
This morning was yet another yearly ARC meeting to review, make changes and implement a new IEP (individualized education plan) for my child. After the meeting was completed, we talked to my child about several lies we had caught them in just from this morning, and we explained the consequence for that action. Their cell phone was taken away. Not a huge consequence, but because the lies involved the use of the phone then that is what was taken. No sooner than I could snap my fingers then my child flipped out, started yelling and then got angry. Their glasses were broken because it was the closest thing they could get to. So then it was explained that because they broke their glasses, they would be responsible for the money to replace them. I'm not paying for them. The phone is still gone and they will get it back when I am told to return it to their grandmother. If looks could have killed, I would have been dead three times over. Even with other adults in the room, my body still prepared to defend itself and take whatever necessary action needed. What kind of parent needs to react like that? I'll tell you...the ones that have emotionally and mentally unstable children that resort to violence as their preferred method of output.
I love my child, with everything in me I love them. I have fought long and hard for their mental health and making sure they have anything and everything they need in place to ensure a positive outcome. I fought a losing battle, but I still continued to fight. However; I have come to a point in my life that I needed to weigh and consider the health, safety and well being of my other family members. In the process of doing that, it was determined that my child could no longer reside in our household. My child has lived with my parents for the past year, but even in that, they haven't really lived with them. Due to behaviors exhibited, they have gotten themselves into more legal trouble while in the custody of my parents...hence why they are now in a foster home and under court supervision. I don't know that my child will ever really be a functioning member of society. I don't know it would be safe for the general public in all honesty. I don't ever see them being able to reside outside of a rigid and structured setting. Knowing this about them, breaks my heart.
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