Violence, or the threat of, in our schools. A child's right to feel safe!

I’m trying to figure out when exactly we stopped protecting our students in a school setting. When did one students rights supersede another? When did we, as parents, decide that it’s perfectly acceptable to not challenge the status quo with school boards? What exactly is it going to take to get someone to sit up and take notice that it is not acceptable to put things in writing as far as steps taken in behavior correction?

I ask this because a friend of mine is dealing with an issue that has become all too common in our schools. Violence, or the threat of violence, has become so commonplace that until the unthinkable happens, nobody questions the status quo. Her son and several of his classmates were told by another student that they planned on bringing a gun to school and shooting them and some of the teachers because they were mad at them. Her son, when asked about his day at school, told her what was said. She reacted like any parent and contacted his teacher to inform her of what was said and to question if she had noticed anything odd in class.

What she learned is that on the particular day in question the regular teacher was out because of illness and they had a substitute. The teacher said she would question the sub and find out what, if anything, had happened at school that day. My friend then was told that the school administration had been made aware of the situation and she would be contacted. Okay, that’s all well and good, or so she thought until she got the phone call from the school principal.

The call started off with, “Your son is not in any trouble.” Well, that’s good to know since he had done nothing wrong. The principal went on to say that they had talked to the student and that they had taken some course of action. What my friend asked was this, “Can you tell me what your course of action is when another student makes a threat such as this?” And what she was told was that they cannot discuss what, if any, type of punishment was given to a child that isn’t hers. Now, being the good parent that she is, she clarified that she was NOT asking about that child, but that she wanted to know what measures the school had in place to protect other students and what steps they have in place to deal with things like this. She was referred to the school board.

The school board informed her that they have NO written instructions as to what actions are taken IF something like this was threatened.

What?!

They gave her this little gem of information, “You can look up Onslow County, Section B, Policy 4302, and that is the same information we have for all of our schools and it spells out how we deal with situations such as these.” Let me share this with you all so you can see why we’re as upset with this as we are.

http://images.pcmac.org/Uploads/OnslowCounty/OnslowCounty/Departments/DocumentsSubCategories/Documents/4302%20Final.pdf

In case you don’t want to click on the link, here it is…Section B of Policy 4302 states:

2. Serious Violations

Serious violations of the Student Code of Conduct may result in any of the

consequences that may be imposed for minor violations. In addition, serious

violations that threaten to substantially disrupt the educational environment may

result in long-term suspension, and serious violations that threaten the safety of

students, school employees or school visitors may result in long-term suspension or

expulsion. Certain violations involving firearms or explosive devices may result in a

365-day suspension.

That’s it ladies and gentleman…this is ALL they have in writing for “serious violations” and nothing else.

Just as a reference point, here is a copy of how the local school district has theirs set up:

http://www.roundrockisd.org/UserFiles/Servers/Server_32715/File/Students;Parents/Part_II_Code_of_Conduct.pdf

Techniques

The following discipline management techniques may be used—alone or in combination—for behavior prohibited by the Student Code of Conduct or by campus or classroom rules:

1. Verbal correction, oral or written.

2. Cooling-off time or “time-out.”

3. Seating changes within the classroom.

4. Temporary confiscation of items that disrupt the educational process.

5. Rewards or demerits.

6. Behavioral contracts.

7. Counseling by teachers, counselors, or administrative personnel.

8. Parent-teacher conferences.

9. Grade reductions for cheating, plagiarism, and as otherwise permitted by policy.

10. Detention.

11. Sending the student to the office or other assigned area, or to in-school suspension.

12. Assignment of school duties such as cleaning or picking up litter.

13. Withdrawal of privileges, such as participation in extracurricular activities, eligibility for seeking and holding honorary offices, or membership in school-sponsored clubs and organizations.

14. Penalties identified in individual student organizations’ extracurricular standards of behavior.

15. Withdrawal or restriction of bus privileges.

16. School-assessed and school-administered probation.

17. Out-of-school suspension, as specified in the Suspension section of this Code.

18. Placement in a DAEP.

19. Placement and/or expulsion in an alternative educational setting.

20. Expulsion, as specified in the Expulsion section of this Code.

21. Referral to an outside agency or legal authority for criminal prosecution in addition to disciplinary measures imposed by the District.

22. Other strategies and consequences as determined by school officials.

Her school district has SIX pages to spell out their code of conduct. The local school district has TWENTY NINE (29) pages to JUST their code of conduct. The infractions to draw one or more of the actions listed were THREE pages in length.

I’m at a loss. A child threatens to bring a gun to school and shoot people because they don’t like them and there is nothing in writing that informs parents as to how these types of situations are handled. And when this student brings a gun to school and shoots people, WHAT are they going to say to the parents? Sorry…we didn’t have a plan in place…our bad.

UNACCEPTABLE!!

Question your school board! If you want to see a change made…GO MAKE IT! You have a voice…USE IT!

Oh, and in case you all were wondering, this lovely child that made these threats were simply told to “Be a good boy and don’t say things like this.” Um…excuse me?

Sure, he just learned that he needs to keep his thoughts to himself, that way when he DOES bring the gun to school, nobody will have any forewarning of it. 

Forgive and forget? Or...

There have been a few times when I have been given the opportunity to apply some of the things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. When to listen, when to speak, how to overcome the thoughts in my head, and how to proceed in making amends. I’ve heard it often referred to as “keeping your side of the street clear.” This is where I am at today.

About 6 months ago we had a very personal issue arise in our family and it rocked everything I thought I knew. At the time, I had spoken to a friend about what was going on, because I trusted them. A few weeks later, I ran into a couple different people from AA at the grocery store, and both of them asked about the situation and said that “everyone from the rooms” knew and were thinking and praying for us.

Normally, I would have been grateful for the words. However; because of the delicacy of the situation, I was not grateful…I was enraged. I questioned as to how they heard about this and was given the person’s name. I quit talking to not only that person, but every single person I knew from AA. I was livid beyond words because the only thought I had was, “so much for anonymity!”

How dare this person betray my confidence with such a personal matter? Then I was angry at myself for trusting someone else and, once again, having to pull a knife out of my back. I tried searching my soul and coming up with a plan on how to forgive them and move on, but I just couldn’t do it. Not this time.

Now, in an effort to clear my conscience, I talked to this person in a very public place and asked them why they said what they did. What I was met with was a very emphatic response of they never said anything other than there were some issues going on and to keep us in their thoughts. And now I am stuck.

I don’t believe for one moment they didn’t say these things. I also need to clear my head before the anger eats me alive. How do I get amends to happen when the other person swears they didn’t do anything wrong? How do I get over the hurdle in my head so that I can move on? More importantly, how do I keep finding the people in this world that do nothing but misrepresent everything about themselves?

I’ve been told to look inside of myself and I will find the answers. What I come up with are even more questions than I had before! I don’t misrepresent myself. I don’t claim to be anything other than me. I have a hard enough time remembering everyone’s names, much less to have time to lie to others and then have to remember what I told and to who. I don’t need more complications in life.

I need a few complications to clear up.

I don’t want to carry around the anger any longer. I also struggle with forgiving this person for the wrong they committed. If it was simply me that they wronged, I’d just move on, but this wasn’t about me…this one involved my flesh and blood. I’ve maimed over less things. Do I give them the opportunity to talk? I’m not going to believe anything that is said. Do I simply convince myself that it’s better to forgive and not forget? That is a lot easier said than done, I assure you.

Life would be so much easier if people’s pants actually caught on fire when they spoke a mistruth.

Now I have to figure out how to get over my own thoughts. And refrain from writing, “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” on their vehicle. 

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by the difficulty of falling asleep or the inability to stay asleep. Going by only that it is obvious that I have this particular "disorder". It also helps that I've had some sleep studies done and they confirmed that while I do not have sleep apnea their observations reconfirmed to my doctors that I am an insomniac. 

25 years...that's how long I have dealt with insomnia. One third of my life I have been unable to either fall asleep or, if I do, I do not stay asleep. I toss and turn, have strange dreams, or I simply lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I've even been known to count patterns found in the ceiling plaster in an effort to bore myself enough to fall asleep. It didn't work. 

I cannot tell you the many different medications that we have tried in an effort to just get me to sleep. I've seriously lost count. What I haven't lost is the ability to stay awake. It's absolutely mind numbing when you go days on end with very little, if any, rest. You get jumpy, paranoid, grumpy, and finally...exhausted. 

The exhaustion is what bothers me most. I can deal with irritability and I think I do okay when I have to interact with people. However; after a while, it just wears you down. You begin to look rather haggard. I've even been asked if someone has punched me in the eye because the circles were so dark. I feel the muscles quivering just beneath the skin almost all the time now. It's similar to what having low blood glucose levels feels like. 

Cognitive ability is diminished and you turn into a stuttering oaf. The normal day to day decisions turn into major issues and you just want to slam your head into a wall hard enough to knock yourself out. Driving is no longer a feasible option because you know that if you needed to react quickly, you will be unable to, and bad things could happen. 

My biggest issue is just getting my brain to shut down. I will think over a decision I made and run through every possible outcome over and over...and over...again and again. Even when I come to the conclusion that there was no other way, it still runs through. I get these random thoughts and then off to the races my mind goes. What I noticed last night is that, while I think something in my head, only half of what I want to say actually gets said. It makes for some pretty funny conversations. 

It's rather disconcerting, as well, when you begin to lose weight from your inability to sleep. I can't eat a lot, so I drink everything from coffee to tea to water. No soda though. I'd bounce off the walls if I consumed a crap load of sugar on top of the loopiness from lack of sleep. I guess the extra water consumption is keeping me hydrated. At least I won't die from dehydration.

I came to the conclusion today that my depression and all the other issues going on are exacerbated by the insomnia. What once was something controlled quite nicely, is now a raging storm in the middle of an ocean, and it's about to make landfall. I, only hope, that I am at home when I flip stupid and not in public. I've scared grown men when I go into a rage. I also scare myself because what is being projected on the outside is only a small portion of what I feel inside. 

All caused by the lack of sleep. 

Which makes me wonder...was the alcoholism a trigger from the insomnia? 

No. No...I can't start thinking again. My head hurts enough already. 

Having to make the hard decisions

My life has been lived in a such a way that I am more than capable of making decisions on my own, even when the decisions are major, and can have a lot of implications to others. This is the state of mind that I am in today. The "Executive Decision" mode. And it stinks.

There are a lot of people in the world today that have this idea that being a military family is this life of luxury and travel and excellent pay. To these people, I say this, "Bwahahahahaha!!!"
No, our lives are not ones of luxury. Yes, we travel, because the government says we have to move to wherever and start over, again...and again...and...again. As for excellent pay...not hardly. I watch my husband work exhaustingly long hours and even when he's not at work, he's still at work. Good pay is given to those in the armed forces who are high ranking officers with 20+ years of service under their belt. In fact, I know countless families who receive food stamps because their pay is at or below poverty level. That makes me very sad.

Having said all that...I want to say that we are extremely fortunate to not be on any type of federal assistance. All our basic needs are met as are most of our wants. However; we are also very, very lucky if we have some money left over at the end of the month. This is where the hard decisions come into play. Because of a type of account that we must have for my husband and because of the rules that come into play with said account, when there is a lot of government ordered travel that comes with his job, we sometimes get stuck holding the ball until all the completed paperwork is turned in. I despise this account. I despise having to occasionally "juggle" a lot of things so as to ensure this account is not suspended due to some lackey's inability to process something. 

Days like today make me long for a time when we won't be told that we MUST have a certain account. I cannot wait for the day that the powers that be are in control of our lives in every aspect from personal to financial matters. I tend to have a problem with authority figures and i know this. For the most part, I do very well with all that comes with this life we live right now. For the most part. 

The day that I have to make major financial decisions on my own because my husband cannot be reached to talk to has arrived. I don't like this. When things happen and decisions need to be made quickly then I am okay with that. My husband knows and trusts me well enough to be comfortable with whatever decision. The kind of decision I had to make today though was not one I was comfortable making. However; it HAD to be done. Some will understand it and some will not. That's okay. I'm just...completely overwhelmed by the entirety of this situation...and I sincerely hope that I made the best decision given the circumstances.

What drives me most insane is that even with my efforts today the effects are going to be felt for at least a few weeks because of a glitch in the paperwork. I've banged my head into proverbial walls for the majority of the day. I've made so many phone calls that I don't even remember how many different people I have talked to. And I still was not able to get the one outcome I needed to happen. Sure, it will be resolved no later than mid-week, but that's not the point. The point is that I am having to make up for someone else's mistake and I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. My belief is that if a mistake is made by a company then it is that companies responsibility to correct it as quickly and with little or NO consequences to the client. 

Apparently, my mistake, is believing that companies should do as such. 

So, I'd like to take the time to thank whomever made this egregious error. Thanks to whoever caused this insane amount of stress to be plopped onto my plate. Thank you for taking away from my family because you, whoever you are, are an idiot. 

If I drank...now would be the time when I'd have a nice frosty, cold one in my hand.   

A little perspective

I haven't been to sleep yet, so I apologize in advance if I jump around a little bit more than usual right now. It's been a long, never ending, Thursday for me. It's also been a lot of time for me to think about a few things and get proper perspective.

I received a message late last night saying that one of my best friends had suffered a stroke. This immediately put me into "WTF?!" mode. We're in our late 30's! We're too young for a stroke. Then it hit me...BAM! I'm not as young as I thought I was and, no, we are not too young for a stroke. Having been an EMT for a good number of years, it also hit home with me about what exactly this could mean for her future health. 

I find that when I start to get comfortable with my life something usually happens that brings me quickly back to reality. 
1. I am not getting any younger, unfortunately.
2. I really need to pay close attention to my own health.
3. I don't want to lose a sister of my heart.
4. I don't tell people that I care about I love them often enough.

It took me sitting, not knowing anything, before I realized all those things above. Now, as of this afternoon, the doctor determined that she had a TIA or Trans Ischemic Attack (aka - mini stroke) and not a full stroke. I'm going to be quite honest and say that I think they got her treated quickly enough that it was confined to a TIA and it didn't fully progress into a full on stroke attack. Her fiance reacted quickly enough calling 911 and the Paramedic was knowledgeable enough that they rushed her straight to the healthcare network hospital that is known far and wide for their skills in dealing with stroke patients. I owe my friends life to those three. 

What caused this episode? Raised LDL levels and....wait for it....S.T.R.E.S.S! I don't know how many times I have said to others, and to myself from time to time, that stress WILL kill you. We have to remember this as we age. It isn't kosher any longer to not see a doctor regularly and get a good base line for yourself and then follow through yearly to track how things are going. If you know you are running yourself in the ground, can you even begin to imagine what you are doing to things you can't see inside you? It always takes something bad happening before people get a true picture of their health.

My friend is getting married in two weeks. Finances are tough, people are grinding on her nerves over petty things, and she worries. A lot. At this point, I hope everything goes well for her the next two weeks and she can get through the marriage ceremony. I pray that people don't cause her anymore stress or concern, because I don't know that I'll be able to keep MY mouth shut. I'd even unblock this person to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with. However; I love my friend enough to bite my tongue until AFTER all is said and done before I completely unleashed. 

I'm a good friend that way...at least in my mind.

Now...to end this...I'm going to share some stroke warning signs and hope you all keep this information always in the back of your mind and then pass it along to someone else. Who knows, you may save the life of someone, who is loved as much as I love my friend.

Compliments of www.strokeassociation.org

F.A.S.T. is an easy way to remember the sudden signs of stroke. When you can spot the signs, you'll know that you need to call 9-1-1 for help right away. F.A.S.T. is:

Face Drooping – Does one side of the face droop or is it numb? Ask the person to smile. Is the person's smile uneven? Arm Weakness – Is one arm weak or numb? Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward? Speech Difficulty – Is speech slurred? Is the person unable to speak or hard to understand? Ask the person to repeat a simple sentence, like "The sky is blue." Is the sentence repeated correctly? Time to call 9-1-1 – If someone shows any of these symptoms, even if the symptoms go away, call 9-1-1 and get the person to the hospital immediately. Check the time so you'll know when the first symptoms appeared.