I really need some help - Advice GREATLY WELCOMED

I absolutely have to figure out a way to forgive and I sincerely do not know how to go about doing so. Almost a year ago, I saw the person who had wronged not only me, but my child as well, it was in a public place and I approached the person and asked if they cared to just step over and away from people (we were outside) so that I could ask them something. They agreed and I just asked why they had said what they did to so many people, because I had trusted them, it was an extremely delicate situation and I had only shared it with those I trusted the most. I wanted to know…why? I was met with the answer that they had not said anything and I told them that was not true, that they were lying to me, that I had been approached (ironically enough) in the exact same store we were currently at by a person within a group that I was in, again…with other people I trusted, and repeated exactly what was said to me. When they asked me who said that and I told her who they were (there was more than one person and on separate occasions it happened), the person just stood there. Them knowing they were caught in a lie and I knowing they were lying. I’m sure it was an awkward moment for them, but I just wanted to know. Why?

I never got an answer.

Fast forward to tonight. I make an appearance at the group where I started my journey to sobriety and walk in, where I was met with the appearance of this person. I have made it a point that if I see this person in public that I turn so that I don’t see them and just ignore them. I know they’ll never answer my question, the trust I had in them is completely gone, and the friendship ended a long time ago. I have nothing to say to them anymore, so why bother acknowledging them? Anyway, back to what I was saying. This person approached me in the room, in front of everyone, and very loudly said to me, “I owe you an amends. What I did was a cry for help and I realized that. Okay.”

I didn’t say a single word. Not one. In my head though, I was thinking that what just happened was not an amends. It was a show. A farce. It was nothing more than this person using the opportunity at hand to try to make peace with me. Maybe it’s just me, but I have always thought that amends were to be made directly to the person in a more private setting. Not said loudly in front of a group of people. Maybe I’m the one thinking wrong, but anytime that I have had to apologize or make an amends, I have done so in a more discreet way. Even if it was where more people were around, I have approached the person and asked if we could speak privately, before saying anything else.

Am I wrong in my thinking? Was that ACTUALLY an amends? Because it didn’t feel that way to me. Maybe someone, who has worked the program longer than myself, can tell me. Was that proper?

I don’t expect the moon, but an apology would have been great to hear. It would at least put me in a more proper frame of mind to start the process of forgiving. Instead, all it has done is cause me more grief. If I know anything at all, it is that IF the process of making the amends would cause harm to either person, harm in any way, it is not to be done.

At this point, I would rather they have just stayed where they were and never approached me at all.