OCD, finances and reaching a goal.

Lately, I have had nothing but finances on the brain. Every day, I check our account balances to see what bills finally came through and, if there is something new, then I check to see what the remaining balance is on what payment processed. Essentially, it’s another way that my OCD is playing out right now, but this is a good thing. After we were side-swiped on our home loan application in January I have made it my mission to repair what damage was done. It essentially forced me to sit down, do some reading on personal finances, and put a plan in place. Having done that and utilizing a couple new tools online with our bank we’ve already seen a significant drop in balances owed and I was able to raise Pat’s credit score by 35 points in one month.

I’m getting us there. I know it’s not an overnight thing to make happen, but the progress I have made so far is pretty good. Our bank has a debt management program that I used the first month and then it dawned on me that it was making me crazy by taking so long to pay off the FIRST thing. Then I understood that it was prioritizing debt payment based on interest rate from highest to lowest. Yeah, that didn’t work for me. So I decided to use the debt snowball system talked about by Dave Ramsey and Clark Howard. Once I made the switch, which threw our banks program for a complete loop, I have paid off one credit card, another one will be paid off at the next payday and a third one will be paid in full in April. Using the debt snowball system, I figured up today that by the 1^st of September, we’ll be responsible for the car payments, student loans and our largest credit card. Take that bank program! I will have 7 things paid off while your program didn’t have a SINGLE thing paid off until June. KAPOW!

It will be nice to be able to put a good amount into the savings account each month AND make a sizable dent in the last credit card. I’m not worried about the student loans because they really are small amounts left and the interest rate is so low, that I’m okay with taking a couple more years to pay them off. I may be able to have mine forgiven once I get the disability paperwork filled out by my doctor and turned back in. If that happens then that’s two more payments we won’t have to worry about. It’ll just be nice to have some breathing room financially since we’re a one income household. I really wish I had sat down and done this before now, but everything happens in its own time. It just needs a catalyst to get it started and that home loan application was my wake up. Not knocking my husband in any way, but he doesn’t pay the household bills, so he has no clue. With one of the other tools we found, he can now see what bills are coming out and for what amount, in a section of our bank information.

No more keeping anyone in the dark about anything. It’s all plugged in there. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s just really nice to see bills disappear and know that it is gone. As we said recently, we’d like to do just two more moves and be done. The next one is our PCS, with the goal of renting for a max time of 2 more years, and then buy a place and just settle down. We’re getting older and we’re both tired, he more so than I. I have a goal in sight and I am going for it full gusto! Somehow, someway…we will make this happen. 

Everybody loses, we all got bruises

I went to bed last night in tears over a situation that I have no control over. As the saying goes, “I have no dog in the race.” And that fact alone drove me to absolute insanity, anger and ultimately tears. The tears weren’t from the anger, the tears were because I genuinely care for this person and worry about their well-being. Now, I’m not the only one upset over the situation, but it felt as if I was the only one stating my feelings.

I understand the mindset the other person has. When you have two Type A personalities who like control, organization and just overall justice and it seems like the world or the system is against you at every turn, you get angry. The difference is that no matter what the odds, even if they are stacked against me, I will fight to my last breath for what is right, what is good and what should be. Even if I lose, I will know that I gave it my all. And when the time is right I will fight again until an acceptable outcome has been reached. EVEN if the losses far outweigh the wins.

The song I just listened to had these lyrics in it, Everybody loses – We all got bruises. And I think it’s appropriate right now. The good Lord knows I have plenty of bruises, but it’s about fighting for what you want. You have to put effort into something in order to PROVE that you have the best interest in your mind, heart and soul. Nothing in our lives that is worth fighting for comes easily.

And while nothing worth having comes easy, prayer sure does. As I was lying in bed last night drifting off to sleep and the tears were falling onto my pillow, I prayed the most sincere and heartbroken prayer I have in a while. The last thing I remember praying about was to keep them safe and away from harm, to wrap them in a protective cocoon and to guide me in the way I should go in this. To give me the courage to do what needs to be done, even if it means for me to personally step aside. I don’t remember a single thing after that except this weird dream where it was just shapes morphing into other shapes, so on and so forth. Then I woke up.

I think there is a lot more to the dream than I am willing to analyze at this point. Truth be told though, I won’t analyze it. I’ll accept it for what it was and just sit back and see what all goes down the next few months.