"Alaskan husky"...seriously?! Ugh!

Merry Christmas!

Now, on to my rant for the day. The term “Alaskan Husky”. Yeah, NO SUCH THING!

Alaskan Malamute or Siberian Husky, but don’t show your idiocy in combining the terms and attempting to know what you are looking for. Those of us that actually own these dogs know you are a MORON. The Sibe is the Porche where the Malamute is more of a Bulldozer. Malamutes get GINORMOUS and a Sibe is considered a medium sized dog and should weigh between 35-70 pounds, where a Malamute can weigh up to 120+ pounds…it’s a small horse!

I was reading in a group on facebook that is local to where I live where people are looking to buy/sell/trade, etc. This woman posts that she is looking for the elusive “Alaskan Husky”. I responded, chiding her over the term and asked her to clarify exactly which breed of dog she was looking for and went on to post several links regarding Sibe behaviors, their temperaments, exercise level and the fact that they are freaking Houdini’s…all of them. Will she read them? Probably not. Will there be yet another Sibe taken into a home when it’s a cute and adorable puppy and then suddenly be rehomed possibly multiple times because the adult version and maintenance aren’t what they “expected”? More than likely.

I love our boys. I do, with everything in me. I sacrifice things that I would like for both our kids AND our dogs. They are EXTREMELY high maintenance! You’ll never own a piece of clothing again that doesn’t have dog hair on it and forget the furniture and your floors being clean while you own them. Be prepared to train them and CONSTANTLY reinforce your training. Forget having a garden of any sort because they like to dig…a LOT. You better have a fenced in yard as well and not a chain link or low fence because they will be GONE. You need at LEAST a 6 ft high fence and be prepared to do some maintenance on that as well because they will attempt to dig under, jump over or just chew through it. Reinforcing the fence and checking it weekly, if not daily, is so highly recommended. Don’t plan on walking them with just a leash on a collar, cause they’ll wiggle out before you can say “wha”….and they’re gone. A harness is wonderful and one that hooks in the front that if they start to pull, it forces them to one side or another, it’s a wonderful pull deterent…otherwise, you’ll WISH you had a sled…because otherwise it will be YOU lying on the ground being pulled behind your Sibe. Seriously, I’ve seen Tiberius drag kiddo across a concrete driveway and into the yard before I could utter the STOP command. Kiddo was okay minus a scraped chin and hands. She hasn’t asked to walk him since. But I love them.

And they are NOT guard dogs or fight dogs or aggressive (unless truly provoked or threatened). These dogs will be more apt to wag their tails happily as thieves steal your fine China. They are NOT one person dogs either. They are pack animals and their humans are their pack and they LOVE children. I think this is the one aspect of parenthood that I’m looking forward to. Having grandchildren over (one day…sometime in the next 15 years) and watching our boys talk with them. I cannot wait…well, I can…I can wait a lot longer…really.

My point is this: if you are thinking about getting a dog…do your research. Talk to owners, reputable breeders and if you really want the skinny on a dog…talk to people who rescue the specific breed you’re looking for. They will be an absolute treasure trove of information. 

Know when to hold 'em....Know when to fold 'em

This is not easy for me to put into words, on paper, and for others to read it. Yet, the torture of holding everything in is becoming quickly unbearable. Plus, I find it therapeutic to write and maybe, in a few days I can go back and read this and possibly find some kind of solution. Although, if I have yet to find one after three weeks, I don’t know how much good a couple more days is going to do.

I have often lamented the fact that Pat’s job takes him away from home far more than it keeps him here. I have also often been told that this is the life I chose and I need to suck it up. So, as I sit here in tears, I want to scream at certain people that this is NOT the life I chose. I did NOT choose to marry a man that I would only see for 18 months at a time (max) and then have to send him to some ungodly country overseas that is more third world than it isn’t. I did NOT choose to be married to someone that has forced me to learn the intricacies of all means of video chatting so that I could see the man that carries the other half of my heart! I most certainly did not CHOOSE to be alone, yet be married. I did not choose poor health, nor did I choose any of the other ill begotten things that have happened.

I may have the strength God gave me and the fortitude to push forward regardless of the situation, but the current situation has me torn in half and broken. And I had fooled myself into thinking that things were going to be okay. All it took was one phone call and two sentences to send my idyllic beliefs crashing into the abyss that’s just been waiting below.

I informed Pat of this last surgery scheduled the moment I learned. After talking to my surgeon and learning how much was going to be covered I was frightened. Up until that moment, I had never had a surgical procedure done that required me being under general anesthesia for longer than 90 minutes and that includes my weight loss surgery. This surgery was going to be a minimum of 90 minutes and could take up to 3 hours…turns out it took them almost 4 hours. At one point, I began to awaken during the procedure. Pat was in Hawaii…halfway home. I had asked him if he could possibly get home to help after surgery and even found a ticket for just a little more than $300. I was told that he couldn’t come home because he had work that needed to be done and it could only be done by him. I was fine with that…seriously.

Then, he gets to Hawaii, has dinner with some friends of his that were former CAV and somehow my surgery became the topic of conversation. In essence, these men (who don’t know me at all) looked Pat square in the eye and told him that he had his priorities screwed up, that he needed to be home with me, that he was not as important as he thinks he is and that he “wasn’t being CAV…he was being SHIT.” ONLY AFTER that conversation did I get an email asking him to book him on a flight home and me telling him that I couldn’t because that price was no longer good did he say to me what his friends said. I stopped cold in my tracks, held back the tears and said, “Wait. Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that you didn’t choose this on your own? It took two of your friends telling you that you were being an ass and to get your priorities straight before you decided that you needed to be here?” His answer was yes. I had to let him go.

Even now, I struggle with this. I alone was not enough for him to come home for. It was only because someone’s perspective of him was going to be ruined if he chose to NOT come home was the direct driving force behind his decision. Yes, I told him he was an ass. I told him he was a selfish, self righteous pig. I told him that the man I fell in love with was full of HONOR and INTEGRITY and even if it went against the grain, HE ALWAYS DID THE RIGHT THING and that I did not know the man I was meeting now, he was not the man I married.

Our marriage is on the verge of ending. I don’t know how to save it. You can only spend so much time apart before you no longer know the person you are married to. Only so much time you can delude yourself into thinking you are still married to the same person you fell in love with. The fact is, there are not enough hours in the day to spend video chatting with someone. The less time you spend together, the less you know about the person. I have offered a couple different times to fly to him, for me to fly to Dhaka and spend a few weeks in an attempt to reconnect. What I’ve been met with is “Let me check the calendar and my schedule and I’ll see what works.” Yet again, I’m TRYING and I get shoved back.

I get it. I can make all the concessions in the world for you and I don’t so much as get a consideration. I get the message loud and clear. As of this moment, there is nothing left to fight for.

The only thing I can do is allow myself and my daughter to grieve and we’ll make the rest of the decisions when he can find the time to do so.