I have the power!

31 May 2013

Today I stepped back into an AA room. I stopped going a few months ago because it dawned on me just how hypocritical some were. Now, I know that hypocrites are everywhere, but for the program to be founded with the principle of helping without judgement, it was starting to show just how small minded and judgmental a lot of the people were. I was silently watching and just listening to the conversations going on around me and I watched, multiple times, a person be outcast from a certain group of people because they were struggling with their sobriety or just struggling in life in general. To hear what was being said about people behind their back and I am just as guilty when it came to certain others. I corrected MY mistakes and started learning how to clean up and keep my side of the street clear. 

When the "talk" started about me and my family. That is where I drew the line. I left that AA group because I no longer wanted to be associated with the destructiveness that was happening. I know some people will want to know how I knew that we were being discussed and I will tell you. See, I ran into a person at the grocery one evening. They approached me and said, "Honey, we heard about (situation) and we are ALL thinking about you right now." Hmmm. I then asked what they were talking about because it was a rather delicate situation and I had spoken to only one person about it. When this person told me almost verbatim what I had said to this other person, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, WHO had passed information along. You betray my trust by repeating something told to you in confidence and you then try to hide behind the shield of AA? I have better things to do in my life than to worry about what others are saying behind my back. 

I made the decision that this person and all the others that listened and engaged with them was no longer worthy of being a part of my life. I don't know how much plainer I can make it when I say that if you cross me or try to hurt a family member, I will cut you off at your knees. You will die to me. I will not be rude to you. I will just stop talking to you. You can be in a room with me and I will not acknowledge your presence in any way, shape or form. If you try to engage with me the only words you will hear from me, as I look you square in the eyes, will be to not come near me. I will not give you an explanation. I will stay though and interact with others, just not that person. 

Who knows. Maybe it was my WonderWoman shirt that I was wearing. All I said was to not come up to me. The next thing I know, this person left. Just up and walked out. They were "uncomfortable" being in the room with me. Hmmm. Guilty conscience much? It's nice to know that I am living rent free in someone's head. That my mere presence in the same building is enough to drive them away. Apparently, I have much more power than I realized. 

Lesson?

Don't cross me.