I have the power!

31 May 2013

Today I stepped back into an AA room. I stopped going a few months ago because it dawned on me just how hypocritical some were. Now, I know that hypocrites are everywhere, but for the program to be founded with the principle of helping without judgement, it was starting to show just how small minded and judgmental a lot of the people were. I was silently watching and just listening to the conversations going on around me and I watched, multiple times, a person be outcast from a certain group of people because they were struggling with their sobriety or just struggling in life in general. To hear what was being said about people behind their back and I am just as guilty when it came to certain others. I corrected MY mistakes and started learning how to clean up and keep my side of the street clear. 

When the "talk" started about me and my family. That is where I drew the line. I left that AA group because I no longer wanted to be associated with the destructiveness that was happening. I know some people will want to know how I knew that we were being discussed and I will tell you. See, I ran into a person at the grocery one evening. They approached me and said, "Honey, we heard about (situation) and we are ALL thinking about you right now." Hmmm. I then asked what they were talking about because it was a rather delicate situation and I had spoken to only one person about it. When this person told me almost verbatim what I had said to this other person, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, WHO had passed information along. You betray my trust by repeating something told to you in confidence and you then try to hide behind the shield of AA? I have better things to do in my life than to worry about what others are saying behind my back. 

I made the decision that this person and all the others that listened and engaged with them was no longer worthy of being a part of my life. I don't know how much plainer I can make it when I say that if you cross me or try to hurt a family member, I will cut you off at your knees. You will die to me. I will not be rude to you. I will just stop talking to you. You can be in a room with me and I will not acknowledge your presence in any way, shape or form. If you try to engage with me the only words you will hear from me, as I look you square in the eyes, will be to not come near me. I will not give you an explanation. I will stay though and interact with others, just not that person. 

Who knows. Maybe it was my WonderWoman shirt that I was wearing. All I said was to not come up to me. The next thing I know, this person left. Just up and walked out. They were "uncomfortable" being in the room with me. Hmmm. Guilty conscience much? It's nice to know that I am living rent free in someone's head. That my mere presence in the same building is enough to drive them away. Apparently, I have much more power than I realized. 

Lesson?

Don't cross me.

Just when you think you've got it all figured out...

God chuckles and tosses something onto your plate that you've never dealt with before. Do I believe that this is a test of my blind faith? Testing my trust? I have no doubt that I am being tested. Time will tell how I weather this bout of stuff going on. I'd like to think that I will pass the faith and trust test as well. Time will tell regarding that also.

I read some scripture today in an effort to try to lessen the anxiety (and the fear) of the upcoming weeks. While I will type this up and I'll share the link for people to see, I will not share the details. Why? Because I know that there are people who read my musings and repeat them to others and in this particular case I do not need the added stress and anxiety of trying to soothe frayed nerves that they will have because I am having a really hard time soothing and calming myself! If you pray, I ask you to pray for me and my family. God truly knows what is happening and what the needs are.

Gee, now that I said that I won't share details, it leaves me just hanging around out here. Once everything is said, done and over with, I may share the test that will turn into a testimony. In the meantime, keep praying and staying strong!

-Me