As this year draws to a close, because today is the 30th, which means we have two more days until we are officially in 2012, I get the opportunity to look back and be thankful for my life and everything in it. There were certainly some days this past year that made me wish a lot of things and some times, not so good things were wished for. I cannot take those thoughts back, but I can sit here and say that I am so very thankful for unanswered prayers.
I have had the opportunities this year to travel, try new things, see new places, make new friends and learn just how difficult tough love really is. I have learned that I am able to endure pain of which there was truly no way to measure it on any sort of scale. I learned that my husband loves me unconditionally. I already knew my parents did, but they continue to show it. I learned that it is possible to love your parents more than you ever realized you did. I also learned just how peaceful a near death experience truly is. There are no words that I could ever speak or write down that could tell you just how utterly calm everything is on the cusp of death. While I did not see any bright lights or family members that have previously passed, I experienced nothing short of a state of pure calming bliss. It was later overshadowed by confusion, but that was while I was attempting to realize the meaning of all my vital signs.
We visitied New Orleans, I got to experience Bourbon Street, true Louisiana cooking and then got to drive through the March Madness traffic in Houston on our way to Austin. While living here, I have visited Dallas and attended my first wedding, other than my own. We have visited San Antonio and The Alamo as well as The River Walk. Pat has had Lasik surgery and no longer wears glasses and is still handsome as all heck. Savannah has spent a little over two months with us this year and I got to learn even more "stories" that she has been told. I'll stop there and just say that I love that Pat gets to spend time with his daughter. I just wish that I could enjoy the visits just as much instead of having to deal with the drama caused by all the untruths that have been shoved into her head.
I found a church this year that makes me feel so welcome and comfortable. More importantly than that, I opened my heart to Christ and have began to learn more about myself through the lessons in the Bible. I am a work in progress and I fall short each and every day, but I still try my very best to live the life that God wants me to live and try to be a lesson to others of His love and goodness.
This year has been a year of lessons both good and bad, easy and hard. I expect that 2012 will hold the same in store. I'm just happy to be alive to get to enjoy the time that will be coming up over the next year. Happy New Year to each and every one of you.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
One month closer...
I truly cannot believe that it is September already. It seems like it was just yesterday that we moved to Texas. That Britney finished the school year. That Celina was just a phone call away, if and when she would actually speak to me. A lot has happened since April. We moved here, Brit finished school and her softball season in Kentucky, I got a job, Pat started school, Nana came for a visit and then a lot of things went south quite suddenly. I got sick, really sick. Two emergency surgeries, a near death experience, three weeks in the hospital and having to resign from my job really hit us hard financially. Bills are running behind and I feel like I sold my soul to the electric company in an effort to get a payment arrangement worked out with them to keep our electric on.
However; even though things got rough and I was really letting it get me down and turn me into a little miss whiney pants; I eventually sat back and took a real hard look at things and realized that I was still blessed. Our electricity is still on, as is the water, gas, cable, internet, phone and cell phones. We have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs, countless friends and family members that love us, a car that runs, a job that pays the majority of our bills and most of all...we have each other to lean on. As hard as it is right now, and as hard as it is for me to see past everything that is happening right now, I know that when this time passes I will be able to look back and say that it wasn't as bad as it could have been and I'll take a new lesson in life and add it to my list.
Pat is currently enrolled in Fall classes at UT. He's taking 12 credit hours towards his Master's Degree this semester. He's doing a lot of reading and I am learning to leave him alone because I know this is hard stuff he's working on. Britney has started her 7th grade year at her new school, Hopewell Middle School. She is in band, is a member of Pep Squad, is taking dance, doing tutoring after school and has just signed up to play softball. Just her schedule alone makes my head spin, but she's got it all planned out in her head and she refuses to give up any of it. We have agreed to allow her to keep it all on her plate for now, but if her grades start to fall then something has to go. She assures me that she is fine and she has set her goal of becoming a member of National Junior Honor Society. Oh, and let's not forget her church activities and volunteer work! I look at my youngest and I am so proud of her and the person she is becoming.
I look at Britney and I know that I am not a bad parent. That somewhere I did something well. Being able to see this from her makes it a little easier to swallow the fear and shame that I feel when I think about my Celina, my first girl, my first baby, my first love. I won't go into details, but let's suffice it to say that Celina has her own uphill battle she is having to fight and I cannot help her. It is possible for a parent to feel like a failure with one child and feel pride with another. Trust me, this I know.
So, as things stand right at this moment, we're not completely okay but we will get there.
Because if nothing else, I have a God that loves and protects me, a husband that I love and adore and children that I would die for. I think I have more in my life, short comings and all, than a lot of others and I am just...humbled.
However; even though things got rough and I was really letting it get me down and turn me into a little miss whiney pants; I eventually sat back and took a real hard look at things and realized that I was still blessed. Our electricity is still on, as is the water, gas, cable, internet, phone and cell phones. We have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs, countless friends and family members that love us, a car that runs, a job that pays the majority of our bills and most of all...we have each other to lean on. As hard as it is right now, and as hard as it is for me to see past everything that is happening right now, I know that when this time passes I will be able to look back and say that it wasn't as bad as it could have been and I'll take a new lesson in life and add it to my list.
Pat is currently enrolled in Fall classes at UT. He's taking 12 credit hours towards his Master's Degree this semester. He's doing a lot of reading and I am learning to leave him alone because I know this is hard stuff he's working on. Britney has started her 7th grade year at her new school, Hopewell Middle School. She is in band, is a member of Pep Squad, is taking dance, doing tutoring after school and has just signed up to play softball. Just her schedule alone makes my head spin, but she's got it all planned out in her head and she refuses to give up any of it. We have agreed to allow her to keep it all on her plate for now, but if her grades start to fall then something has to go. She assures me that she is fine and she has set her goal of becoming a member of National Junior Honor Society. Oh, and let's not forget her church activities and volunteer work! I look at my youngest and I am so proud of her and the person she is becoming.
I look at Britney and I know that I am not a bad parent. That somewhere I did something well. Being able to see this from her makes it a little easier to swallow the fear and shame that I feel when I think about my Celina, my first girl, my first baby, my first love. I won't go into details, but let's suffice it to say that Celina has her own uphill battle she is having to fight and I cannot help her. It is possible for a parent to feel like a failure with one child and feel pride with another. Trust me, this I know.
So, as things stand right at this moment, we're not completely okay but we will get there.
Because if nothing else, I have a God that loves and protects me, a husband that I love and adore and children that I would die for. I think I have more in my life, short comings and all, than a lot of others and I am just...humbled.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Stuck in "Longhorn Country"
Okay, so it's been a little bit since I have written anything or really updated stuff. As the title suggests, we are now officially living in Texas. Actually, we're a little north east of Austin, living in one of the suburbs. Yeah, we are suburbanites now. It's not all bad. I like our neighborhood, love the sidewalks, the school for the kids is a rather short walk from the house and I absolutely love our house. Now, if we can talk to someone about the weather here, that would be amazing!
It gets a little hot for this Kentucky girl in the Spring. I'm used to storms, subtle breezes, grass getting green, tree buds, flowers blooming and the ever infamous weather patterns consisting of 85 one day and 30 the next. Ah, yes...Spring in Kentucky.
Now, let's take a look at Spring in Texas. The grass is a dying shade of green with more brown than anything else, it's windy...and I mean WINDY, hail storms but NO rain (still haven't figured out how in the hell that happens), tree/pollen/grass molds are HIGH, flowers are dying and if you ONLY hit 85 during the day you rejoice, but more often than not the temps hover in the 90's and the humidity is just as bad as it is in Kentucky in the middle of Summer. Yeah, the joy of Spring in Texas. Woo.
However; I am finding that there are plenty of jobs to be had here. In the community we live in, the surrounding suburbs and if you want to commute into Austin, then there are a plethora of opportunities for job seekers. I, however; do not want to commute into Austin. I'd prefer to stay sort of close to home.
The people are relatively nice. I have yet to meet any actual, full on jerks, well...with the exception of the woman who is the civilian worker at the ROTC department at UT-Austin. Um, I have to say that if she just disappeared one day, I may or may not have a rather kickin' party to celebrate. I'd say it was really just a "search party" being put together and let it go at that.
The driving here is a little crazy sometimes. I just have to get used to urban driving again. If you have defensive driving skills and utilize them, you'll do JUST fine. I did break down today and purchased a TxTag. For those of you who want to know what that is, it's an electronic tag that you place on your windshield below your rear view mirror and you pre-pay toll fees, it's your toll pass. Since a lot of people don't want to pay the tolls and they clog up the interstate and the access roads, I figured I'd be a little smarter (although a little less rich) and purchase the tag so that I can hop on and off at my convenience and not deal with the moronic drivers that are in a hurry, yet can't go anywhere, during rush hour. Yep, that's why I get paid the big bucks people...to think. Now, if I could figure out how to outsmart everyone else, then I'd demand a raise!
I may update a little more later, but for now this True Blue Cat girl is going to go see if I can find Bevo (The Longhorn Mascot) and show him a thing or two about true fans...LOL
It gets a little hot for this Kentucky girl in the Spring. I'm used to storms, subtle breezes, grass getting green, tree buds, flowers blooming and the ever infamous weather patterns consisting of 85 one day and 30 the next. Ah, yes...Spring in Kentucky.
Now, let's take a look at Spring in Texas. The grass is a dying shade of green with more brown than anything else, it's windy...and I mean WINDY, hail storms but NO rain (still haven't figured out how in the hell that happens), tree/pollen/grass molds are HIGH, flowers are dying and if you ONLY hit 85 during the day you rejoice, but more often than not the temps hover in the 90's and the humidity is just as bad as it is in Kentucky in the middle of Summer. Yeah, the joy of Spring in Texas. Woo.
However; I am finding that there are plenty of jobs to be had here. In the community we live in, the surrounding suburbs and if you want to commute into Austin, then there are a plethora of opportunities for job seekers. I, however; do not want to commute into Austin. I'd prefer to stay sort of close to home.
The people are relatively nice. I have yet to meet any actual, full on jerks, well...with the exception of the woman who is the civilian worker at the ROTC department at UT-Austin. Um, I have to say that if she just disappeared one day, I may or may not have a rather kickin' party to celebrate. I'd say it was really just a "search party" being put together and let it go at that.
The driving here is a little crazy sometimes. I just have to get used to urban driving again. If you have defensive driving skills and utilize them, you'll do JUST fine. I did break down today and purchased a TxTag. For those of you who want to know what that is, it's an electronic tag that you place on your windshield below your rear view mirror and you pre-pay toll fees, it's your toll pass. Since a lot of people don't want to pay the tolls and they clog up the interstate and the access roads, I figured I'd be a little smarter (although a little less rich) and purchase the tag so that I can hop on and off at my convenience and not deal with the moronic drivers that are in a hurry, yet can't go anywhere, during rush hour. Yep, that's why I get paid the big bucks people...to think. Now, if I could figure out how to outsmart everyone else, then I'd demand a raise!
I may update a little more later, but for now this True Blue Cat girl is going to go see if I can find Bevo (The Longhorn Mascot) and show him a thing or two about true fans...LOL
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I think I'm going crazy
I'm going to write this down and I know that whoever reads it may actually think that I am losing my mind. Heck, after what happened, I don't know that I'm not going crazy. I woke up at 4:45 this morning because Tiberius let me know that him and Ash really, really, REALLY needed to go pee. So, me being the responsible owner that I am, took them outside and let them do their business and then we came back in and went back to sleep. The boys followed me back into the bedroom where I took my customary place in bed and they took their usual spots as well...Tiberius under the bed at my feet and Ash next to the bed right at my side.
Off to la la land we go. I got up a little bit later to turn the ceiling fan on because it was just super hot in the room, almost stuffy enough to really affect your breathing. Back to bed I go and promptly drift back off to sleep. Next thing I know I hear a very deep mans laughing sound coming from the foot of my bed. My eyes popped wide open and every hair on my body was standing on end. The boys were both up growling and snarling, looking very much like wolves on a hunting expedition. I jumped up out of the bed, push the boys out of the way and run out of the bedroom and began checking every single room and closet in this house to see if someone had gotten into our house. Knowing that I was all alone because the boys would have alerted me if someone had broken into our house. The dogs stayed in my bedroom just glaring at the spot where I heard the laughter from...not a "ha ha" funny kind of laugh, but the kind of laugh that reminds you of pure evil. It took them almost 15 minutes to stop the growling and snarling...Tiberius especially looked as if he was ready to attack and go for the kill spot.
We were completely and utterly alone in the house. There was nothing on...no TV, no radio, no cell phone, home phone was on charger. All the doors and windows were locked and the garage door was down as well.
I have absolutely NO idea what the heck happened. I do know what I heard. There isn't a person on this planet that could convince me that I just dreamed that sound. How could I? My dogs can't hear my dreams and WHAT would make them react the way that they did? They were truly on guard and protect mode...from...something.
I know my husband and a lot of other people as well do not believe in spirits, ghosts, hauntings, etc. I do. Sometimes things happen that completely defy logic. This morning was one of those moments that defied logic.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
I don't know anymore.
Off to la la land we go. I got up a little bit later to turn the ceiling fan on because it was just super hot in the room, almost stuffy enough to really affect your breathing. Back to bed I go and promptly drift back off to sleep. Next thing I know I hear a very deep mans laughing sound coming from the foot of my bed. My eyes popped wide open and every hair on my body was standing on end. The boys were both up growling and snarling, looking very much like wolves on a hunting expedition. I jumped up out of the bed, push the boys out of the way and run out of the bedroom and began checking every single room and closet in this house to see if someone had gotten into our house. Knowing that I was all alone because the boys would have alerted me if someone had broken into our house. The dogs stayed in my bedroom just glaring at the spot where I heard the laughter from...not a "ha ha" funny kind of laugh, but the kind of laugh that reminds you of pure evil. It took them almost 15 minutes to stop the growling and snarling...Tiberius especially looked as if he was ready to attack and go for the kill spot.
We were completely and utterly alone in the house. There was nothing on...no TV, no radio, no cell phone, home phone was on charger. All the doors and windows were locked and the garage door was down as well.
I have absolutely NO idea what the heck happened. I do know what I heard. There isn't a person on this planet that could convince me that I just dreamed that sound. How could I? My dogs can't hear my dreams and WHAT would make them react the way that they did? They were truly on guard and protect mode...from...something.
I know my husband and a lot of other people as well do not believe in spirits, ghosts, hauntings, etc. I do. Sometimes things happen that completely defy logic. This morning was one of those moments that defied logic.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
I don't know anymore.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Busy days and weeks ahead
I woke up this morning, made sure the kiddo was awake, showered and ready for school and when she left I went back to bed. Slept for a couple more hours then woke up and started my day again. First things first...coffee. I made a pot of coffee and then waited for my husband to be able to get internet access so we could talk on Skype. We talked for about an hour and he went to bed for the evening and I began my day.
I realized that the boys were out of dog food, so I knew I'd be making a trip to the store for that. I showered and dressed then headed out the door. I picked up dog food, cat litter and a couple odd and end things we needed at the house. Then I went through the car wash and vacuumed the car out. Next was heading to Mom's to fill out the guardianship papers and get them filed at the court house. We go to court next Thursday to have Mom named as legal guardian for Nina. I took Mom to pay a bill and dropped her back at her house. Next up was a quick stop at IGA for a few groceries for the house. Ya know...cereal, breakfast sandwiches, fruit, etc.
I needed some caffeine at that point because my meter was running on empty. Of course, had I stopped to actually eat today, then I'm sure I would have been fine. As it was, I headed over to Baxter's for my large coffee with a shot of sugar free English toffee, cream and topped with whipped cream. Yummm!!
So, 6 hours after leaving my house...I finally got to return. Ti met me at the front door with his customary "I need to go pee Momma" dance, so I put him on the yard leash while I brought in the things from the car. Once I got the cold stuff put away, I let Ash out of his crate and we went outside so he could play with his brother. Ah, yes...nothing like watching two Husky pups (okay, so they're not pups anymore) play together. These big boys can get rough with each other! If you didn't know they were just playing, you'd swear they were actually fighting.
The youngest come home from school with a school sports physical form and a notice of softball tryouts...next week. Great, as if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now I have to find time to get her a sports physical. After many phone calls...I now have it arranged for Tuesday morning. My brother will take my Mom to her appointment that same morning as I take the child to the doctor appointment. Once I finish with that, then I'll drop her off at school and head up to where Mom will be because she is having a stress test done that day. Then after school, I have us an appointment at the spa for some super relaxing pedicures.
I'm going to try to enjoy the spa experience as best as I can because the next day will be softball tryouts. The day after is court for guardianship. The next day I work. I'm on call the day after that. Hopefully after being on call, the next day my husband will be home. Lord help me after that, because the first week he is home is just as hectic and busy.
Welcome to my life. I'll have months where absolutely nothing will happen and then BOOM! all of a sudden everything explodes and it's crazy busy.
This will be my life for the next few weeks.
Just sit back and hang tight. It's going to be one wild ride.
I realized that the boys were out of dog food, so I knew I'd be making a trip to the store for that. I showered and dressed then headed out the door. I picked up dog food, cat litter and a couple odd and end things we needed at the house. Then I went through the car wash and vacuumed the car out. Next was heading to Mom's to fill out the guardianship papers and get them filed at the court house. We go to court next Thursday to have Mom named as legal guardian for Nina. I took Mom to pay a bill and dropped her back at her house. Next up was a quick stop at IGA for a few groceries for the house. Ya know...cereal, breakfast sandwiches, fruit, etc.
I needed some caffeine at that point because my meter was running on empty. Of course, had I stopped to actually eat today, then I'm sure I would have been fine. As it was, I headed over to Baxter's for my large coffee with a shot of sugar free English toffee, cream and topped with whipped cream. Yummm!!
So, 6 hours after leaving my house...I finally got to return. Ti met me at the front door with his customary "I need to go pee Momma" dance, so I put him on the yard leash while I brought in the things from the car. Once I got the cold stuff put away, I let Ash out of his crate and we went outside so he could play with his brother. Ah, yes...nothing like watching two Husky pups (okay, so they're not pups anymore) play together. These big boys can get rough with each other! If you didn't know they were just playing, you'd swear they were actually fighting.
The youngest come home from school with a school sports physical form and a notice of softball tryouts...next week. Great, as if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now I have to find time to get her a sports physical. After many phone calls...I now have it arranged for Tuesday morning. My brother will take my Mom to her appointment that same morning as I take the child to the doctor appointment. Once I finish with that, then I'll drop her off at school and head up to where Mom will be because she is having a stress test done that day. Then after school, I have us an appointment at the spa for some super relaxing pedicures.
I'm going to try to enjoy the spa experience as best as I can because the next day will be softball tryouts. The day after is court for guardianship. The next day I work. I'm on call the day after that. Hopefully after being on call, the next day my husband will be home. Lord help me after that, because the first week he is home is just as hectic and busy.
Welcome to my life. I'll have months where absolutely nothing will happen and then BOOM! all of a sudden everything explodes and it's crazy busy.
This will be my life for the next few weeks.
Just sit back and hang tight. It's going to be one wild ride.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)